このポストはカリスマの芸術のウェブサイトでダンによって書かれていた。 私は曲芸師の大きいファンおよび彼の自然なゲーム方法である。

女性とのあなたの守勢を落としなさい ダン著 

彼女: 従ってちょうど女の子を飲み物と取る、それらを酔った得ることを買って、家試みるか。
: もちろんない、人についてのこのごろ実際に安っぽい事である私は考える。

既に衝突し、ここに燃えてしまった。 守勢はあなたがちょうど約だれでもに関してときすることができる最も悪い事である。 従ってそれやめられる! 人々と大いにもっと一致することを学びなさい。

私が何かについての誰かに私常に同意しない時でさえ視点を最初に一致し、取りなさい。 Then I present my viewpoint in a way that is not in opposition to their point of view. This is a very important tactic when dealing with people. Most of the time people just want to be heard. As long as you can make them understand you see their point of view then they are much more willing to accept yours.

In our case being defensive creates a sense of opposition, and that creates a sense of power imbalance. It is like the predator response: as soon as someone runs, you chase almost instinctively. When you are defensive it evokes a sense of her wanting to prove you are exactly what you are so defensive about.

Her: You are a jerk!
AFC: I really am not! You will see that if you get to know me.

Do you believe it? Of course not, disqualification is a great way to deal with this and actually agreeing with it is a form of disqualification.

Her: You are a jerk!
You: You are absolutely right, [teasingly] damn you are a good judge of character.

Her: You are just trying to get me to sleep with you.
You: Oh boy, you found me out. I was planning on taking you home and giving you an amazing night of incredible pleasure; I guess now that will have to wait till you get to know me better.

When you agree it is almost always funny, and rarely do they believe a word you say. In fact if you are defensive, people will think you are what you are being defensive about. However, if you agree with whatever they are saying about you, then they don not actually believe you are that.

Defensiveness shows pure insecurity. Being able to admit you are something bad, and be proud of it, that shows incredible confidence. The funny thing is no one actually believes you when you admit it.

If you like this post then please consider subscribing to our full feed rss or twitter. You can also listen to all episodes of our radio show on itunes or register for our members only section to see things we can’t or won’t post to the site!