» Integrity Makes a Man

by Bobby Rio on February 14, 2008

* Integrity is the basing of one’s actions on an internally consistent framework of principles.*

clemens-under-oath.jpgThere is more to life than how much money you can make or how many girls you can sleep with. These are the artificial indicators of achievement in our society. Most of us are not above striving for them. Myself included.

But the real depth of your character and what ultimately makes you a man, is living within a set of core values and beliefs that you set for yourself.

We addressed integrity in our “The Lost Art of Being a Man” podcast, and how it relates to the way you interact with women. The reason women have no respect for “nice guys” is because these nice guys often lack integrity. Their lack of integrity stems from the fact that they hold beautiful women to different standards then they hold the rest of the world. The set of values they define for themselves gets pushed aside for the opportunity to be with a beautiful woman.

But integrity goes further than your dealings with the opposite sex. It is equally important in how you live your life. I am by no means a perfect person. We have all most likely been a role where we’ve acted in a way that is not congruent with our core set of values… but watching Roger Clemens at the Congressional hearings yesterday reminded me of the importance of living with integrity.

Roger Clemens was my favorite sports figure since 1986. I religiously followed his career and collected his memorabilia. Even after I began to lose interest in baseball I still made an attempt to keep track of his career. It was to the point where my friends laughed because I changed favorite teams every time he signed a new contract. I’m the only guy in NJ who walked around in an Astros hat. Part of my fascination with him was based on childhood nostalgia, the other part of it was that I was completely impressed with the stories of his unparalleled will and determination. I was envious of the motivation he possessed that got him out of bed at 430 am every morning to work his body to peak performance.

That being said Roger Clemens choice to have himself injected with steroids is something I could forgive him for. Human being make mistakes. Period. I relate it similarly to mistakes I’ve made where I’ve cheated on girls that I loved. Something at that point in time(mainly my dick) made me feel it was necessary to sleep with a woman outside of my relationship. Its not something I’m proud of. But life is to short for regrets so I move on. The same can be said for Roger Clemens use of steroids. Something at that point of his life (mainly his fierce drive to be the best) made him feel it was necessary to use performance enhancing drugs. Shit happens. People fuck up.

But watching Clemens blatantly lying over and over again to save his chances for the Hall and his endorsement deals, has left me with the feeling that the man lacks a sense of integrity. While making a mistake is human nature. Owning up to a mistake is what separates the men from the boys.

I don’t think any of us are above lying. If you’ve ever used a someone else’s canned routine in the field… you’ve lied. If you’ve ever told a girl you were going for a friends luncheon but really had sex with a Argentine prostitute in back alley brothel…. you’ve lied. There is a certain shame in these types of lies. But most of us have defined our core set of values to let these sorts of lies slip by. Once again, we are human beings.

My definition of living with integrity means owning up to your mistakes. Or doing everything in your power to correct them in the future. I’ve lied to girls and cheated on them. But when I eventually got caught I laid all of my cards on the table. I told them EXACTLY how I felt and why I did it. It wasn’t always easy. It would have been easier to continue the lies (as OJ showed us deny deny deny) but to me there is a difference between situational lying and lying about something you’ve been accused of.

If someone casually asks me how many girls I’ve slept with, I may lie as to not appear a slut in that particular situation. It is my personal business and I may not feel the need to be completely open. And if someone casually asked Roger Clemens if he’s ever used steroids I would not condemn him for lying in that situation. It is his personal business.

But if a girl claims to have slept with me, and I know full well that I did, I will not deny it. Because when you deny something you’ve done against someone else’s word… you’re, in fact, calling them a liar. This is where Roger Clemens has crossed the line of simply making a “human mistake” and gone on to show an utter lack of integrity.

The problem with Clemens choice of action is that the only person he is looking out for is himself. He is calling numerous people liars, using his wife as a scapegoat, questioning his best friend’s story, and wasting the time of a whole lot of people who would just like to move on from this shit.I n the face of adversity that Clemens is facing you always have two choices: You can lie and manipulate and play the self serving “if I deny long enough they’ll forget about it” card, or you can own own up to your mistake.. in essence; Be a man and move forward.

In every situation in life you have these same two choices: You make excuses, take the self serving route, blame everyone else… or you own up your mistakes and BECOME A MAN.

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About the Author

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I’m Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. You’ll know more about me on . I tend to write about what is on my mind so you’ll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

See All Posts by Bobby Rio



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13 Responses to Integrity Makes a Man

  • roman123 says:

    Nice article, a lot of guys have to grow a pair of balls sometimes haha

  • Teddy Bear says:

    man we need more posts like that! I use to lie like that when I was a teenager, even if I got caught up I would still lie about and call other ppl liers. it definatly made me learn my lesson.

    I won’t be able to talk to yall on the shout box for awhile..my pc crahsed

    Happy Vday yall

  • mike says:

    Integrity (or lack thereof) is something Clemens and I share (I wish it was his splitter!). I went to an RSD seminar, and Jeffy asked, “what do you stand for?” and I couldn’t answer. It’s something I’ve never thought thoroughly about…and now I’m currently developing a definition for myself. Integrity is DEFINITELY going to be on that list of things I stand for. Great post!

  • aLpHa_kaY. A.K.A: Kevin says:

    This is a very inspirational post, lately i’ve been lying, we’ve all have lied in certain situations, but crossing the line like that… I usually own up by then.

    Gaining and attaining the trait of integrity is not as easy, but as a whole, very beneficial – It really is what makes you a man. This is definitely gonna be one of my principles.

    I agree with teddy, we need more inspirational post like these, i sometimes forget that becoming/being a PUA is about lifestyle.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Pzz

  • MikeStoute says:

    I agree with teddy, we need more inspirational post like these, i sometimes forget that becoming/being a PUA is about lifestyle.

    It’s not about becoming a PUA, it’s about becoming a MAN

  • Thumbs says:

    Agreed on all of this, owning up to what you cause is a big part of being an adult and responsible and admired and so many people dont so that. I have lied, you, reading this, have lied, and eveery girl you have ever and will ever encounter in the field will lie and maybe that is why I like to use the canned opener of “who lies more” there is no answer because we all lie the same just in diffrent moments and diffrent ways. A man lies to cover his tracks or impress, a woman lies to protect herself or someone elses feelings.

  • MikeStoute says:

    As long as your lies are “white lies” and not causing real damage to anyone.

    This is one of those “walking the fine line” things like the difference between coming off confident and coming off arrogant.

  • athena says:

    on this note and how it relates to women, i would like to say this:
    as long as you always do what you think is right, you never have to lie. but you may have to apologize.
    and a word on apologies: nice guys apologize for everything. these are fake apologies. think about what an apology means. when you say you are sorry, you are say that you think what you did was the wrong thing, you wish you hadnt done it, and that you will work to not do it again in the future.
    if even one of these sentiments are not there, you should not apologize.

  • Thumbs says:

    Very true, that is kind of a catholic thing too, catholismn says that if you confess you are saying your sorry, you wont do it again, and you have learned… not always true.

    Nice guys do apologze for everything, when I was LAFC (lower than afc)
    I use to apologize for everything in a relationship even if it was’nt my fault and after a few years I learned tit’s not right, now I barely apologize at all..hell dont think i have.

  • aLpHa_kaY. A.K.A: Kevin says:

    It’s not about becoming a PUA, it’s about becoming a MAN

    Lol well put Mike.

    on this note and how it relates to women, i would like to say this:as long as you always do what you think is right, you never have to lie. but you may have to apologize.and a word on apologies: nice guys apologize for everything. these are fake apologies. think about what an apology means. when you say you are sorry, you are say that you think what you did was the wrong thing, you wish you hadnt done it, and that you will work to not do it again in the future.if even one of these sentiments are not there, you should not apologize.

    I totally agree with your concept about this. Especially about the fake apologies.

    Pzz

  • FredEx says:

    like Mystery always after telling his Blowjob story..
    “yeah im a man and i have a high sex drive, im not gonna apologize for that. you dont like it, go fuck yourself.”

  • Awesome article post. Much obliged.

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