About the Author
How a Girl Can Land a Guy Like Me by Bobby Rio
1. Confuse me. Nothings keeps me more interested then a girl I can’t figure out. In the beginning I need to wonder whats going on. Once you tell me I lose interest. Play with my head. Tell me you want a relationship, but then never be available to hang out. Tell me you want your space, but then call me late night and tell me how much you miss me. Spend three nights having wild passionate sex with me, and then use the term “friend” to describe me.
2. Be unpredictable. I want to sit around and wonder why you’re not answering the phone. I want to wonder if you’re going to return my call in a few hours, or a few days. After I spend a week waiting for our Friday night date… I want you to call and say “something came up can we do it another night?” Of course I don’t want you do this all the time, because then it would become predictable. Do it just enough that I never know what I’m in store for.
3. Flirt damn it. Too many girls, especially the hot ones, don’t find it necessary to flirt. Big mistake. In the beginning you need to create sexual tension. You have to do this through a mix of playful banter and gradually increasing the amount of time your hands spend touching parts of my body. I don’t want to talk about your job, your daddy issues, nor am I impressed with how smart you are with your political views. I want inside jokes, teasing, compliments, googly eyes, and at least one of your hands in close proximity to my body. The point of a good date is the continuing escalation of sexual tension.
4. Like my friends and get them to like you. I’m shallow and need the complete approval of my friends before I would seriously consider making you my girlfriend. I want to know that I will easily be able to commingle you and my buddies. And I want my buddies talking about “how lucky Bobby is” behind my back. Make an honest attempt at getting along with them. And make me believe that you’ll have no problem with me continuing to hang out with them in the future. Seem excited by the prospect of all of us doing something cool together like a camping trip or ski weekend.
5. Offer to pay occasionally. I’m not cheap and would never accept your money in the beginning, but damn it, don’t act like its my obligation to always pick up the check. Way too many girls do this and don’t realize it is a real turn off to guys. And don’t just say “do you need some money?” Make a sincere effort to pay. I won’t let you, but if you don’t chances are I’ll be bitching to my friends about you. So will most other guys.
6. Make me feel like I’m the best you’ve ever had in bed. You’re job in the beginning isn’t to show me how experienced and adventurous in bed you are… there is plenty of time to discover that later. No, your job is to make me feel like I just fucked your brains out harder then any guy you’ve had before. I know I’m not your first. But I want to believe that I’ve opened up this new sexual side of you that never existed for your other boyfriends. It was my magic dick that unleashed your hidden whore.
7. Call me out on my bullshit. I’m going to feed you a lot of bullshit. And I’m a horrible liar so you’ll probably see right through it. Call me out on it. Challenge me. Laugh at my failed attempts at show boating. Point out my short comings if I’m oblivious to them. Do not belittle me. Do not try to make me feel small. But don’t be afraid to let me know I can’t get one over on you. I want you to crack a few jokes on me, and bust my balls from time to time.
8. Be genuinely interested in my goals. In college my goal was to fuck as many girls as possible. I’ve achieved that goal, so now I’ve set higher long term goals involving my career, my travel, and my hobbies. Other than the playful banter I spoke about earlier, these are really the only things I truly enjoy talking about. Sure, I’ll humor you and discuss your friend Sally’s relationship with her boyfriend or your brother’s drug problem… but what I really want to be talking about is my interests. So you better make an attempt to become vaguely interested in them too.
9. Hint at threesome. I’ll fall for it every time. Hint at an attraction to other girls, or maybe an “incident in college” early in our relationship… just enough to give me a glimmer of hope that one day I’ll find myself in bed with you and one of your friends. I’ll hold onto that hope long past the point where there seems to be any realistic chance of it happening.
10. Care about my well being more than I do. I can be a down right mess at times. My house is sloppy, my car is a wreck, my sink is overflowing with dishes… I know this. I’m a busy guy. Its not your job to harrass me about these things. Just pick up a broom and give me a hand. When you get a flat tire, I’ll fix it…When you need someone to move a heavy piece of furniture, I’m there. So, when you notice that its been a long time since I’ve changed my sheets… throw them in a basket and head to the laundry mat.