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The Early Years: Experimenting with Speed Seduction
I’ve wanted to write in detail about some of my experiences in the community for awhile now. Its hard to believe that its been 10 years for me. So I’ve decided to start a new series about the early years. These were the craziest times because it was all so new and life transforming.
Amazingly when I sat down to write it all came back to me crystal clear. Here are my adventures, I hope you find them informative and entertaining.
The Early Years: Experimenting with Speed Seduction by Bobby Rio
Buff is in the bedroom with Suzanne.
I know its coming. Ive got the nervous giggles.
Have you ever felt an instantaneous connection to someone? Like maybe as youre sitting there looking at him a cord of light grows from you to them Buffs voice is radiating from the bedroom.
At that very moment I know Buff is motioning with his hand from his solar plex to hers.
I know what hes going to say next. I want to repeat it along with him.
And as that cord glows with the warm of that connection maybe you can even imagine a time in the future
Im lipping along with him. Tracy is too drunk to notice. She flips over a card and tells me I have to drink.
I sip my beer. Im waiting for Suzanne to bust out laughing. Buff continues on
like six months from now still feeling that sense of connection and looking back at tonight as having been the start of it.
My giggling causes beer to shoot out of my nose.
Are you alright? Tracy asks me.
Yea yea I say.
The Instaneous Connection Pattern
A few weeks later we are at Fatsos. Its college night and half of Montclair State is there.
Buff is notoriously missing. He is on his third date this week.
Mike and I are drinking Bud Lights and discussing the past couple of weeks. I pat the index card in my pocket. It is filled with weasel phrases and embedded commands.
Do I look hungry? Mike asks.
A little, I tell him. Pretend I just said something funny.
Mike busts into laughter.
We are talking and laughing and smiling but were not saying much of anything. At least not much of anything that makes sense. It doesnt matter. All that matters is that we dont look hungry.
Ross Jeffries says Those who look hungry never get fed.
Suzanne, already drunk, comes over to Mike and I to say hello. She kisses Mike on the cheek. She turns to kiss me, but I lean back and wave.
Ross Jeffries says A kiss on the cheek is supplication.
Straight to the point she says, So wheres Buff?
I think hes working I tell her.
Her face drops.
I love him. Hes such a sweet guy, she says.
Mike smiles at me.
Is he coming by after work? she asks.
Not sure. I say.
OkaySuzanne says then walks away.
I head to the bathroom to regroup. I pour the rest of my beer in the pisser. A clear head beats a beer buzz for confidence. I pull out my index card and review the notes. The card readsUse quotes
I walk out of the bathroom and bump into Angela from Sigma Kappa. Sweet Caroline is blasting through the speakers and shes trying to get me to dance with her.
Instead I say, You wouldnt believe what this girl just came up and said to me.
What? Angela asks.
The girl walks right up to, looks me dead in the eyes, and says, Imagineme going down on you all night longI say this staring directly into Angelas eyes.
Really? Angela asks, then blushes.
Yea It really took me back I didnt even know what to say. I tell her.
Just then Mike interrupts us.
He pulls me aside and says, So I was just talking to Suzanne and she kept repeating Buffs name to herself over and over again
It was actually kind of scary,he says.
A life defining moment on the bowl
You never imagine that your life is going to change while taking a shit. But if it wasnt for a tad of constipation I would probably not have made it past the pictures in the issue of Playboy I was browsing through.
In the back of the magazine I stumbled across an article by Peter Alson about this ugly middle aged guy named Ross Jeffries, who has a cult like following of guys all claiming that he can seduce any women in a matter of minutes.
Alson weaves tales of lowly computer nerds scoring blowjobs from aspiring models and playboy bunnies in coffee shop bathrooms. Super Guru Pickup God Ross Jeffries has defied nature and figured out the secret to the universe.
I was immediately sold.
to be continued…