Mike, Justin, and I coined the phrase “the sickness” back in college. The “sickness” is like oneitis on steroids. Mack Tight referred to it as when “guys become a needy pile of shit after they become obsessed over a woman.”

We call it “the sickness” because once it infects you’re almost powerless against its control. It corrupts your mind first, but then usually brings about physical symptoms like nausea, vomiting, weight loss, depression, insomnia. It happens to the best of us… and even though we most likely know we’ve been infected, it is still near impossible to battle. Even as our closest friends tell us to “move on” “play it cool” “forget about her” their words go in one ear and out the other.

While the only cure for “the sickness” is time… I thought that if I wrote a detailed description of how the sickness infects (using my last battle with it as an example) you guys might be able to keep this as a guide to compare against when you feel it coming on. Although I won’t pretend that you’ll be able to rid yourself of your obsession, at the very least, you may be able to avoid some of the classic mistakes that I made.

The Anatomy of The Sickness by Bobby Rio

After slowly falling for one of my female friends over the course of a year, everything came to a boil on a ski trip. I knew in my head that it was now or never time for making my move. Weeks before the ski trip I began avoiding her before heading up to the mountain. I wanted to create a fresh persona, and distance myself from the friend zone that I had previously been regulated to.

The first night of the ski trip I made a dramatic change in the way I interacted with her. I became more sexual, alluded to her attractiveness, and got more touchy feely. Although initially she seemed a little taken back, slowly she responded to my escalation. By the end of the night we were lying on my bed making out. The next day she told me it was a mistake and that she liked me too much as a friend to continue. But I persisted again that night, and once again she wound up on my bed with me making out. We spent the rest of the trip basically locked in my bedroom. To be completely honest, it was like nothing I had experienced before. I don’t know if it was the sexual tension that had built up over the last year, our strong connection as friends, or just my flat out physical attraction to her, but I was in a state that I had never previously experienced.

Although I left the week in the mountains feeling quite vulnerable, I was fairly confident that she felt the same way. In fact, I would say my confidence was sky high. I was on top of my game. I had just completed my crowning achievement as a player.

The first couple nights back home went ok. The girl and I exchanged evening text messages. I was in “play it cool” mode so I figured I would wait a few days to call her. Friday afternoon I could hardly contain my excitement to possibly spend time with her. While still at work I sent her a text “I want to see you. Bad!” I expected an immediate response with her echoing the sentiment. I waited and waited… but the response never came.

I was still in “play it cool” mode so I decided to hit the bar with a couple of my friends. My mind was on the girl a bit, but I wasn’t too woried as she had a habit of flaking throughout our friendship. After the bar closed I an after party back at my house. Quite drunk at ths point, I went against my better instinct and called her. And when she didn’t answer I left a message. I fell asleep that night with the phone in my hand, still waiting for the call.

Saturday morning is when I went into panic mode. The realization that she didn’t call set in. I began scanning my brain for reasons why she would be blowing me off. I began asking the opinion of a few of my friends. They all reassured me telling me “its only been a day.” I would momentarily feel better, then remember our wonderful week together in the mountains and get stuck in my mind trying to figure out what went wrong.

Somewhere in between Saturday and Sunday I convinced myself the reason that she’s avoiding me is because she doesn’t trust that I’m really into her. It made sense in my mind. She knows I’m a player. I figured that what I needed to do was to prove to her that I was really into her. So I went against my better instinct and headed to the flower shop on Monday morning. I bought the biggest baddest most expensive bouquet of flowers they had, and had arranged for them to be delivered to her work Tuesday night… complete with a really embarrassing card basically professing my love.

Monday night she calls me at one in the morning. My “wet friend” tells me not to answer the phone and give her a taste of her own medicine… but “dry friend” intervenes and I wind up talking her into coming over. When she gets to my house she acts nonchalant about not calling… and I forgive her immediately. We make out a little while… I eat her pussy.. then she leaves.

The next morning I debate whether or not to cancel the flowers. I decide to still send them. Later in the night I get a call from her thanking me for the flowers. I ask her to hang out but she says she’s tired and is just going to sleep.

I wait till Friday to call her again. Once again… no answer. I proceed to go out with a friend, get extremely drunk… and take home some 18 year old hostess I worked with. But even a fresh young 18 year old couldn’t deter me from the beginning of “the sickness.”

The next two months are a blur. They basically consist of me checking my phone every three minutes to see if she called. The few times she actually does call or text… I am too weak to play the game. For a minute or two I tell myself I’m not going to call her back… but then I give in and call. She keeps avoiding seeing me. I try to play it cool and act like I don’t care. Then later in moments of weakness I send her text messages asking “whats going on with us” and other shit I get nauseous thinking about.

Finally two months later I get really drunk and show up at her work. She is almost frightened to see me. I am plastered but somehow talk her into heading out for a couple drinks with me. I’ve finally got her in front of me after two months of playing phone tag… but its nothing like I imagined. In my mind… she was going to confess her love to me, tell me how much she’s missed me… and wind up cuddled next to me on my bed.

How the night ended- was me completely shit faced handing her a love letter I wrote her… her taking the letter and leaving… never even calling me to acknowledge it. As time went by I gave up hope of her calling.

The mess that Bobby Rio had become was finally starting to put the pieces of his life back together. He was dating a new girl… finally starting to get over “the sickness.”

But I couldn’t leave well enough alone. I knew that there would be an annual Christmas party at the place she worked. I had friends that still worked there. So once again, I go out get completely shit faced and show up at her work party with one of my friends.

The night started out pleasant enough… I spent time catching up with a handful of old friends… chatting with her whenever the occasion would allow. But as I got drunker the cool guy shell I had been putting on was slowly cracking. I began asking her questions alluding to “the weekend we spent together.” It was clear she didn’t want to talk about.

Then I began noticing that her and one of her co-workers were awfully close. I didn’t feel threatened because I knew the guy, and never would imagine her to be into him… but as I got drunker it made more and more sense. Everything was becoming crystal clear… (in my drunk distorted mind) SHE WAS FUCKING THIS GUY.

So I did the only thing a drunk sick bastard could do… I followed him into the bathroom and punched him square in his jaw. The next thing I know we’re ushered out to the parking lot… We’re rolling on the pavement pounding on each other’s skulls… sticking fingers in our eyes.. I think I may have even bit him.

Finally the rest of the party breaks up the fight… they put me in a cab and send my sad sick drunk ass home.

Bobby Rio woke up the next morning at Rock Bottom.

I’m going to leave this story without commentary. It is simply meant to show how the sickness can take hold of anyone. At that point in my life I already knew everything there was too know. I was banging chicks left and right.. always the one with the control and calling the shots…

And I fell like a toy soldier.

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