Recently, one of our readers D posed a question in a comment:
I understand! Ive been taking advice from this site for several months now and my dating game has skyrocketed! I remember Mike saying that the guys who get good at this are the ones that become heartbreakers and I was on that path. I had 4 girls who wanted more than just a physical relationship, and in an attempt to spare their feelings, I ended things with all of them. Truth is now I really do want a girlfriend, not any of them, but I want one. I still dont think Ive milked pick-up for what its worth, but the skills ive gained have impacted my life so much that I no longer wonder whether that girl would like me, or if I could have her, because Im pretty confident I can have the ones I go for. Whats happening? Why is it so hard to get the girls I REALLY like to want more out of a relationship than the ones Im only after sex with? What am I doing wrong?
Well, I think that there comes a point in every player’s life where he thinks its time for a relationship. Hell, I’ve had my share… But just as I was about to respond to D’s question in the comment section I received this email from Derek Vitalio. I think its a great post to read if you’re contemplating going after a relationship.
This post was especially poigant for me as I’m currently battling this dilemna..although Derek’s description of a “Harem Master” seems to fit my ideal relationship lol.
To Find an Incredible GIrlfriend or To Be a Player by Derek Vitalio
Most likely you have some sort of goals in your life.
Goals allow you to consciously prioritize your time what do with it. There being only so many days in your life, goals allow you to focus in on what you desire most without getting sidetracked.
For example, if you have a clearly defined goal to become a physical trainer, you won’t waste your time going to law school.
Likewise, if you have a clearly defined goal to become a stand-up comedian, you’ll avoid spending your days learning computer programming.
It’s also important to have a goal as to what kind of RELATIONSHIPS you want - so that you don’t go flying blind into relationship situations that don’t make you happy.
The default relationship goal for most guys is to have a steady girlfriend and eventually get married - straight up monogamy.
Usually though, this isn’t a conscious choice of theirs - it’s just what they accept and assume to be the nature of reality because they’ve never been presented with any other alternatives.
There’s one small problem with monogamy however.
There’s no scientific evidence that human beings are monogamous creatures!
Little more than a few centuries ago, people were lucky to live beyond the age of 40. Chances are, either you or your mate would die from disease, famine, or war at an early age. If you had 20 good years together with your woman, you were lucky.
Now we’re living longer and longer, and yet expected to be monogamous for decades longer than nature even intended us to be alive!
And there’s plenty of scientific evidence that men are driven to “cheat” and spread their genes to as many women as they can.
Among married couples, 40% of men and 20% of women report having cheated on their spouse. And that’s just the number of people who will admit it. And that’s just for married couples. The rate may be even higher among boyfriend-girlfriend relationships.
Human beings aren’t unique though. Our closest animal relatives, bonobo chimps, engage in what seems to be a nonstop sexual orgy. And of the estimated 4,000 documented species of mammals, only about 5% are documented as being truly monogamous. The other 95% of mammal species cheat on their mates when given the chance.
You’re probably familiar with what ends up happening in most monogamous relationships.
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June 5, 2008
im glad this was addressed. im surprised how many guys (and girls) are so limited by the terms we give relationships. i mean, there are TONS of different ways to have a relationship, but very few names for them. for some reason, we always try to make what we have fit into the label, rather than finding a label for what we already have. then, if what you have doesnt fit into one these boxes, you think its flawed.
also, there is some idea that you have to find one of these boxes, or you are a bad person. so many people dont really stop and think “what do i want out of a relationship?” “what rules and restrictions fit my life?” they try to live a life that was pre-decided, and hurt each others feelings when its just not he truth. i mean, if a guy cheats, and he always cheats, but tries real hard not to… when he cheats again, he wont admit to himself or the girl that maybe hes just not into monogamy. so he continues to stifle himself and hurt the people he cares about.
yeah, sure labels are easy - they come with rules and regulations that you dont have to explain. but this is SILLY. assumptions about what is “allowed” and what should be endured are dangerous. if you two dont see eye to eye about what constitutes “cheating”, one of you will hurt the other without even meaning to! dont make promises without knowing EXACTLY what those promises are. but thats what these labels do - calling yourself something is like agreeing to a set of rules, it implies the promises.
so i say - dont call it anything. sit down with your girl from time to time and lay out EXACTLY what you want, what you are willing to do, and what you would consider hurtful. define the relationship on your own terms, dont let anything go assumed - and DEFINITELY dont offer to do anything you arent sure you can do. as long as you are honest with yourself, and honest with her, you cant go wrong.
June 5, 2008
This reminds me of this article I read about a porn star who’s in a committed relationship w/ 2 girls who love each other also. Its like a trilationship. That is my ultimate goal, lol, like Mystery’s. But for now I’m going to shoot for monogamy.
June 6, 2008
Oh my goodness…and I was just thinking to myself that a article like this should be posted. I wanted to ask everyone in this room that same question, “why did you join the community…to be a player or to find a girlfriend?”
My answer to the above question is to find a girlfriend. My reason is simple, I was the nerd in high school…no girl looked at me twice and they laughed at the fact of dating me. So obviously, I didn’t do well with girls at the time. However, as I grew older and found sites like this and articles from David Deangelo and the like, I became more successful with women, funny thing is, it was the little things I was doing wrong (Dressing horrible, talking too much,etc..)
Eventually, I found FR videos of Mystery in sets in clubs and what not. This is when I found out the player. I don’t know why, but I never saw myself living that lifestyle. The reason why I joined this community was too find a great girlfriend and this community is really helping me reach that end. I am now enjoying life a lot more and I am going on more dates than I ever have and I know that soon I will find that woman and have kids. So, Bobby and Mike thank you.
-KillSwitch
June 6, 2008
I feel you on that KillSwitch. In high school, i had my share of girls here and there, but it really didn’t always translate into me getting the girl that i actually wanted, it would be rather me being the one being pursued. Which in some cases were fine, because i eventually would become attracted to the girls. However, i after finding sites like this in the community, i realize that i don’t have to settle for just whatever comes my way, and that i can be selective and get the girl that i want.
June 6, 2008
Exactly Illez0518!! This community has helped me be more picky which is better because that way you get the best for you and not what every one wants for you.
-KillSwitch
June 7, 2008
I didn’t believe it until I found one but there ARE women out there that will be your “girlfriend” (that’s not what I call her - we actually don’t call it anything but have a clear understanding of what each of us expects to get) and not have a problem with you meeting and possibly f’ing other chicks.
June 9, 2008
One thing I think I have experienced is: that the girls who quickly get sucked into your ‘Game’ and respond well to the lines, routines, and techniques inspired by Mystery Method and RSD etc. are actually usually younger (20’s) and with less self-esteem. I have found that women who are older (35+ especially) and those who are already in relationships are much more self-assured and actually respond less well. Or rather they may feel attracted to you but they are less likely to act on that impulse (they are certainly very subtle with IOIs) and require a lot more work post-attraction. Risky generalisation alert: The ‘Game’ suits the fun/party/socializing/player lifestyle better - if you want a quality, centered, smart girl for a LTR then the Game may help but it will not be an easy fix. Even Style/Neil Strauss found that out with Lisa, his ‘quality’ GF towards the end of the book ‘The Game’ and its my experience too. Real quality girls tend to play *you* not the other way round even if you think you are being smart !!!
June 9, 2008
This is a great article.
Most guys are eventually going to want a girlfriend. By having a really great girlfriend it frees up your time to excel in many areas of your life. This way you wont be chasing after all sorts of average women. You will have one great woman to help you accomplish your goals.
June 10, 2008
See I disagree Tyler. I think a traditional girlfriend takes more time than frees it up. If you are commited then you have obligations…even if she is an awesome girl. The goal for me is finding relationships that fit my lifestyle. One commited girl would hamper my life…a bullpen of several girls allows me to be selfish and take care of my desires/goals while having dope girls in my life. However, this is my theory!! I’ve yet to accomplish this goal in its entirety. And the chick I mentioned above flipped out on me last weekend (my mistake for hitting on chicks infront of her…even tho she said it was cool…but really she’s crazy!) so I’ve got plenty work to do
June 10, 2008
[...] So, You Think You Want a Relationship? From: http://www.theseductionbible.com Well, I think that there comes a point in every player’s life where he thinks its time for a relationship. Hell, I’ve had my share… But just as I was about to respond to D’s question in the comment section I received this email from Derek Vitalio. I think its a great post to read if you’re contempla » more 1 [...]