About the Author

I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. I am fascinated with improving our general well-being. It can be done. It must be done. Find me on Facebook, lets talk more.

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The man idealistically commits to monogamy with one woman…

…and ends up cheating behind her back.

He’s forced to act deceitful, sneak around, and feel guilty about what he’s doing.

If he’s lucky, he gets away with cheating and it doesn’t bother his conscience. If he’s not so lucky, terrible embarrassment ensues at getting caught, he loses half his assets in court, and the relationship or marriage is torn apart - often with children paying the price.

Then there are other men, perhaps the type that read Seduction Science, who come to the
realization that they don’t have to accept the goal of monogamy.

They move to the opposite extreme.

They’re aware of the limitations of monogamy, and like rebels overthrow the old traditions.

Their goal is to seduce and have sex with as many women as possible - with as little commitment as possible.

They sleep with any attractive woman they can get their hands on, only to immediately start working on their next opportunity.

Their relationship goal is to “be a player” or “be a pick-up artist”.

The drawback with this goal of quick and repeated lays is that you end up lacking sexual and spiritual intimacy with women.

Either you always have to have sex with a condom, or you put yourself at risk to catch some nasty diseases and risk spreading them to the other women you sleep with.

You miss out on all the feelings of pair-bonding with a woman, and miss out on having a history of shared experiences with another human being. You miss out on having a woman who is not only your lover, but also your best friend.

After a while, a life without a primary partner can feel somewhat empty, no matter how much sex you’re getting.

THE ALTERNATIVES BEYOND MONOGAMY OR PLAYER

Staying committed to one woman, or seducing women as a matter of fun and sport are the two goals that most men have.

In the short-term, either of these goals may work.

But in the long-term, neither of these goals is a very practical strategy for achieving lasting happiness. Either you’ll eventually end up sneaking around and cheating (the monogamist), or your life will lack emotional fulfillment (the player).

However, you CAN experience pair-bonding and deep intimacy with a woman AND include sexual variety in your life.

In fact, there are MANY relationship goals in between the right and left extremes of straight-laced monogamy and unfettered promiscuity.

Conventional Monogamy:

Here you find a girlfriend or wife for an exclusive, monogamous relationship. The fact is however, most monogamous relationships don’t stay that way.

The Pick-up Artist or Player:

Nail lots of girls, dumping the girl as soon as the next comes along in the endless quest for sexual variety. Keep your emotional distance to avoid commitment.

Primary Girlfriend as well as Secondaries:

This is when you have a primary girlfriend to emotionally pair bond with, yet you keep a few girls on the side for sex and fun. You also pick-up other secondaries when the opportunities present themselves. Your primary girlfriend is fully aware of what you’re doing and accepts your reality as part of the package of being with you… but emotionally, you are monogamous with her.

Multiple Primary Girlfriends:

This is when you have two or three primary girls to emotionally pair bond with. You are building and nurturing long-lasting relationships with multiple girls. They all know about each other, but generally you keep the girls separate from each other.

The Harem Keeper:

This is when you keep any combination of primaries and secondaries who all know about each other AND engage in sexual play with one another. For example, you might have two primary girlfriends or a primary girlfriend and a secondary, and you all have threesomes.

The Swingers:

This is when you have one primary girl to pair bond with, and the two of you go to swinger’s clubs and swinger’s parties to meet other couples and women. You and your woman are “partners in crime”. All of the emotional connection is with your primary woman, and the couples you meet are for fun and sex only.

Threesome-Seeking Couple:

This is when you and your primary girl that you emotionally pair bond with go on the hunt to seduce other women for threesomes. You and your primary read Seduction Science together. The women you seduce are for fun and play only, and your primary girlfriend isn’t worried that you’ll leave her.

Many men derive satisfaction in including their primary partner in their sexual escapades; seducing women for threesomes as a couple, or going to swinger clubs as a couple.

Other men prefer to play the “puppet master” and pull all the strings of the relationships; keeping a harem, or keeping a primary girlfriend while seducing secondaries on their own,

Decide what goal is best for you.

Of course, if you still hold monogamy as your ideal and ultimate goal, there’s nothing wrong with that - as long as you have consciously chosen that as your goal. Then do everything you can to make it happen.

And sometimes sleeping with a lot of women is not a bad goal if your main concern is to gain experience. If you’re a virgin, you may need to sleep with and experience a few women to even decide what goal best suits you in the first place.

No matter what relationship goal you choose, set the frame early on with women about the terms of the relationship and don’t bend under pressure. If your frame of reality is stronger than hers, most likely she’ll go along with you.

If a woman stubbornly refuses to cooperate with your life’s goals, save yourself a lot of head-aches. Move on. Although there’s a vast sea of every type of woman out there, not every girl out there is for you.

Now what if you’re already married? What if you’re already in a monogamous relationship with a steady girlfriend? And what if, presented with all the options, you wish you could have made a different choice!

If you set the frame of the relationship right away from the very beginning, most women will go along with it.

But if you’re already six months or more into a monogamous relationship, most women will feel emotionally threatened and betrayed if you suggest to her that you’re going to have a few flings with secondaries on the side.

That’s why I DON’T recommend that you blurt out to your established monogamous partner about your dream to build a harem of bi-sexual love bunnies.

Instead, INVOLVE your monogamous partner in setting a new frame for the relationship - gradually.

For example, a good first step would be to take your monogamous partner to a swinger’s club. Just hang out at the dance floor where the action is rated R instead of triple X. Put all of your attention on your partner. The purpose is to get her comfortable with the idea of extracurricular sex, and demonstrate to her that just because you see another woman’s naked boobs, you’re not going to leave her.

Gradually your monogamous partner will come to realize that threesome sex and sex with other couples will not jeopardize your emotional connection with her. This is very important. You must build that trust and comfort in her that your emotional connection and pair bond with her will remain monogamous. Then she’ll relax.

Now, whichever relationship goal you choose, Seduction Science will help get you there. Because whichever goal you choose, you need the same skills of seduction whether it’s in finding a string of casual partners, or finding that one special woman, or finding a woman who in turn will seduce other women for you.

The ultimately point being, have a clear goal of what kind of relationship you want. That way you’ll be able to hone in on exactly what you want without flying blind, wasting time, or getting stuck in a situation you didn’t want in the first place.

Secondly, be up front with women about your relationship goals early on. Set the terms of the relationship, enforce them, and don’t back down. Otherwise, if you act wishy-washy and inconsistently about the deal, SHE will set the terms of the relationship. This is called being “pussy-whipped” and it’s a hard pit to crawl out of.

(P.S. just because you’re in a monogamous relationship doesn’t mean you are “pussy-whipped” - provided that being in a monogamous relationship is YOUR goal and is a frame actively being set by YOU)

Remember, with this knowledge YOU are in control your own reality. You have the power to build your dream life however YOU want.

And if you’ve already abdicated control to someone else, you can start taking it BACK.

If you’ve found truth in what I’m saying, continue the journey with my Seduction Science 3.0, Get The Girlfriend course :

Your Friend,

Derek

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