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I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. I am fascinated with improving our general well-being. It can be done. It must be done. Find me on Facebook, lets talk more.

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This is the 6th day in our series 31 Days to Better Game. In the previous lessons we’ve basically covered attitude and inner game… Today Christian Hudson has provided us with an introductory lesson on flirting. I also suggest checking out Christian’s site The Social Man for further learning.

How to be a Good Flirt by Christian Hudson

I was a very boring guy until I turned about 22. My interests used to lie exclusively in history, economics and business, and while this proved an asset in my talks with “adults”, I was completely stilted when you’d throw me into a bar full of people my age. I thought that, somehow, once a girl sensed how deep and concerned about the real world I was, she was bound to be attracted to me. Needless to say, I wasn’t exactly a huge hit around the college bars in Ann Arbor, MI.

The inability to be fun and flirtatious is one of the most common problems that men face when they’re learning to get better with women. To this day, it is issue number one amongst the clients with whom I work. While they may have some approach anxiety, it is not necessarily because they are afraid of getting rejected, so much as it is that they are worried the conversation will flatten out and get boring. There’s nothing worse than a girl who, initially, seems to be enjoying her time with you, only to see her attention wane as the conversation starts to get, well, lame.

If you’ve ever been talking to a woman and thought to yourself, “man, I’m even boring myself!” then you know exactly what I’m talking about here.

A flat conversation is one without any spark, emotion, surprise… it is how you might communicate with your lawyer or your professor. And listen, if you never learned to communicate any other way, that’s fine – you’re in the company of many other men. But let’s learn how to flirt, and add some much-needed texture to the conversation.

Flirting is conversational play. Its two people talking about… anything they want (it definitely does not need to be logical)… and pushing, pulling, surprising and rewarding each other. Flirting is YOU and HER – your personality and hers – sharing some basic information and making it more fun. I like to think of it as taking a flat note, hitting it with a bend, and running it through a flanger. Swooosh – instant texture. But perhaps an example is in order.

DULL, BORING CONVO

F: So where are you from.

M: Right, uh… Stains. Its just outside London.

F: Ok… how is it there?

M: It’s pretty nice. You know, it was a good place to grow up. How about you, where are you from?

Here, our man is relaying facts. This conversation is as flat as a deflated blimp, and probably not even as interesting. Key point: the girl is not having FUN sharing this information. Let’s consider a few tweaks.

FUN, INTERESTING CONVERSATION

F: So where are you from?

M: Hmmmm, I’m from… guess where I’m from. (here you’re creating a little game – more fun)

F: Ohhh, ahhh, London. (note: there are about a million responses she could have here, ranging from “I don’t know,” to “that’s too hard” – we’ll use one of those in a later example),

M: Ohhh! So close. You get the silver star. (little reward for playing along). Nope, I’m from Stains.

F: Stains… what’s that like?

M: Ok, I’ll tell you what its like… (here you’re “headlining” what you’re going to say, building up anticipation. now, put your hand on her shoulder and lean into her ear, saying quietly)… but you can’t tell anyone else. (now, step back, look her in the eye, and say) promise?

F: Ok, promise.

M: Cool, so check it out…

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