About the Author

I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. I am fascinated with improving our general well-being. It can be done. It must be done. Find me on Facebook, lets talk more.

See All Posts by Bobby Rio

Fourth, move around from place to place, even if it’s within the bar or club. For some reason, changing locations gives the psychological impression that you are spending more time together and bonding more. The more locations a woman associates with you, the more time she feels like she’s spent with you and the more comfortable she feels. It’s an illusion, really, but it works. For example, if within a bar, lead her to a spot at the bar and order drinks. Take her to another end of the bar and introduce her to some your friends. 10 minutes later take her to some couches to sit down. If you know how to dance, take her to the dancefloor later. Then go to another part of the bar. As with anything, don’t overdo it. You don’t want to come off as hyperactive and spastic and moving around ever 30 seconds. Moving around from venue to venue also helps build comfort, such as going from one bar to a second bar to lounge to a diner…bouncing around like that gives the psychological impression to a girl that she’s just spent three or four mini-dates with you and she’ll feel more comfort with you than if you spent that exact same amount of time talking to her rooted to one spot.

Fifth, make sure to touch her whenever you can. In the pickup community they call it “kino,” but it’s something my friend and I always made sure to do before we ever knew what it was called. A conversation will get stale quickly and turn into the foundation for a friend zone relationship if you never touch her during the conversation. Light, playful touching conveys sexual interest and builds attraction and sexual tension, which are very important when building comfort. If you build comfort without building attraction at the same time, you’ve just guaranteed yourself a place in the friend zone. I’m not going to go into the specifics of playful touching here, but you can find tons of kino-related articles by Bobby and Mike right here on the Seduction Bible I’m sure. Getting the balance of touching just right so that you don’t come off either too timid or too aggressive takes some trial and error, but it’s not that hard.

Sixth, while it’s cool to playfully bring up sex, do not dwell too deeply into conversation about ex-es (hers or yours) and specific approaches toward sex. These things can backfire too easily if you don’t know what you’re doing. With ex-es, it can end up being a light, harmless conversation. But there’s also the risk that she may end up talking about him at length and getting nostalgic about him and talking about how much she still loves him, and suddenly the attraction mood is dead and you’re on the road to becoming her emotional tampon as she drones on and on about how much feelings she has for him. Or on the flip side, she may have a lot of unresolved anger toward him, may start venting and getting worked up and then start transferring her issues with her ex specifically and men in general toward the next closest male target, who in this case would be you. I made this mistake with a woman once, thinking that making her talk about her shitty ex would be a great way to sell myself as a positive alternative. Instead I spent the night fielding angry questions about why guys cheat, why guys fear commitment, why guys hurt women…I ended up being her convenient target for everything she hated about men. Needless to say, it wasn’t a great comfort-building conversation.

And regarding bringing up specific approaches toward sex, here’s an example of how that can backfire. Unlike men, women’s attitudes change wildly with their emotional states. With men, to change their minds you must change their logic. With women, to change their minds you must change their emotions. If a woman hasn’t built much attraction and comfort with you yet and you ask her what her attitude is about how soon is too soon to have sex, you’ll get a totally different answer than you would if you asked her that same question later on when you have her on an emotional high. By asking her such a specific sexual questions too early before she’s built comfort and rapport with you, she’ll be very cognizant about coming off like a slut to a guy she barely knows and may say something like “I don’t have sex with a guy until three or four months of dating, and I have to get to know him very well first.” Now that you’ve made her explicitly give a sexual timetable, it’s going to mentally psyche you out and make you behave less aggressively in your comfort building. You’ll start believing you have no shot of building much comfort anytime soon. And on her end, now that she’s verbally committed to that, even if she gets insanely attracted and comfortable with you later in that same conversation, she’s going to feel obligated to stick to her original conservative statement for fear of looking like a hypocrite or liar. Meanwhile, if you never asked about sex at all things could have happened much more spontaneously.

As I mentioned before, this isn’t an exhaustive list when it comes to building comfort, but I think it’s a pretty good foundation. Hope it helps some of you out there.

Pages :« 1 2 3»