Er is een vuil gerucht in de oogstgemeenschap die het beter is gematigd te blijven wanneer gokkenvrouwen in staven en clubs eist. Wij kunnen semantiek debatteren… maar ik zal enkel zeggen u nooit Bobby Rio zult zien vastklampend aan een clubsoda. Yea… u is spel neigt een weinig strakker, wobbly, en slurring te zijn wanneer u geen rode onder ogen gezien bent uw woorden… maar hebt niet u aangezien veel pret, u? Ik beteken elk van mijn meest gedenkwaardige nachten, het meisje naast me bekijkt en me geďmpliceerda hebben die, „ontwaakt denkt wat de hel?“ vorge nacht gebeurde
So the real question isn’t should you or shouldn’t you drink when you hit the bars… the real question is what kind of drink will best serve your purpose.
Your drink always serves two purposes: to get you hammered, and to make you look cool in the process.
You don’t think I actually enjoy the endless rounds of SoCo and lime shots I guzzle down, or the unnecessary twelve packs I always grab for the after party.
No these are all part of the show. Shit I hate the taste of booze. If I drank alone I’d probably be sipping Bay Breezes or some kind of Dairies, maybe a Pina Coloda… but there are certain rules you need to follow in social environments.
The rules bend a little depending on the location… but certain ones are set in stone.
Never order anything they are going to serve you in a plastic cup. You tend to find this atrocity at bars that are near college campuses. These plastic cup drinks are usually reserved for the drink special of the night. You know… the $1 Miller Light draft or the $3 Margarita.
These drinks not only taste like shit as they’re usually stale beer, or bottom shelf tequila drowned in sour mix… but you look cheap drinking them. What does it say to everyone that you will sacrifice the enjoyment of your drink to save a buck?
Hell, even if I planned on drinking Miller anyway, I would pay extra to have them pour it in a pint glass.
Never order anything frozen or served in a novelty glass with a funny straw… unless you’re sitting on a beach in the Caribbean. You think this one would be self explanatory but I never fail to see some schlep slurping on Mudslide wondering why he hasn’t been laid in a year. Drinking one of the “vacation” drinks sends out the vibe that you don’t get out often. In fact it says that your life sucks so bad that trolling around this shitty bar is actually an “event” for you.
The only exception to this rule is ordering a Margarita at a Mexican joint.
Anything ordered on the rocks looks cool. Let’s face it. Rocks glasses are cool. It doesn’t much matter what’s in the glass so long as it’s clear or brown.
Remember clear or brown… I don’t care how much you liked the Big Lebowski it’s never acceptable to order a White Russian.
The name of the drink is more important than what is inside it. Because someone is going to hear you order it, or inevitably some girl will ask you what you’re drinking, and you don’t want to have to respond “Fuzzy Navel.”
Generally, anything with a novelty name like Alabama Slammer, Sex on the Beach, Malibu Bay Breeze, Buttery Nipple, or Kamikaze are off limits.
And I don’t care how good you think it taste… you are never ever to order a Cosmo. Never. Never.
A safe bet is to order something your grandfather would have drank. There will be times when you freeze like a deer in headlights when the bartender asks “what you drinking.” Your first reaction may be to spit out “Michelob Ultra” but you need to regroup and imagine what your grandfather would have ordered.
Back in his day, men were men, and they drank scotch on the rocks, rye and coke, Manhattan, rusty nail… they didn’t ruin the integrity of their vodka by splashing cranberry juice in it.
So remember it is quite alright to get a little sauced when you hit the bars… in fact I even encourage it. But you must look cool in the process.
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July 1, 2008
agreed! Thanks for that funny and truthful article. I lol’d several times
July 1, 2008
If you dont drink chicks think your either a religious freak or an alcoholic, neither of which is appealing.
July 1, 2008
i dont know - you can play the “im not drinking” thing to your advantage pretty easily. you know, show a little disdain for people who think they have to get puke-drunk just to have a good time. this is especially nice if you say “i’ll drink, but dont like to get hammered” or “i only get wasted VERY rarely.” this will often get a girl to try her damnedest to get you drunk - buying you shots, etc.
around here, cranberry juice is not feminine. vodka cran is totally acceptable, even with a lime. hell, i’ve seen guys actually push their drinks that would be considered feminine - like a Bacardi O with sprite and cranberry and squeeze of lime in a TALL glass- they dont use the froofy name, and sound like they are being VERY particular when ordering it. you can play this off as being a little elitist about your drink and how it just has to be made perfectly, and that everyone would be drinking it if they knew how good it was.
although - i have never seen a guy play off a frozen drink - other than margaritas in the situation mentioned before.
oh - look for smirnoff blue label or other hundred proof vodka. you can mix that with just about any fruity blend and still look manly and particular. bonus - when the girl drinks it, and she will, she will get drunk twice as fast. grey goose is overrated and overpriced, and just makes you look like you are trying to impress someone. same thing with johnnie walker black label.
also around here - soco lime is girly. good solid choices are screwdriver, long island, whiskey coke, rum coke, vodka tonic, gin tonic,
July 2, 2008
that isn’t true shrek. because you can have a good time without being shitfaced. that’s just a specific situation or an assumption.
July 2, 2008
I don’t drink very much. Perhaps just one or two drinks otherwise I’ll go for cola. I don’t make a big deal out of it or bring it to anyone’s attention. I just feel like I feel more alpha and in control when I’m sober. I’ve discovered that I can still say stuff to girls that in a previous life I would not have dared say (or even thought of saying) when I was drunk, and I get more of a buzz interacting well with people when I’m sober.
Also, when you’re sober and interacting with someone who is even just a little drunk you realise how poorly they start to come across. I don’t disapprove of it - its just not my thing …
Finally, if a girl genuinely thought less of me because I was not drunk - well, that just tells me she’s insecure. But its never happened to my knowledge …
July 2, 2008
Screw Drivers were all I drank in High School… Looking at them makes me sick to my stomach.
I love Nutty Irishmen and Mojitos but I wouldn’t really order that in public. When I’m spinning I stick to hard liquors or microbrewed beers… if I feel like drinking something sweet I drink hard cider.
July 2, 2008
although i love long islands.. i tend to feel they’re a bit girly to order.
July 3, 2008
My general rule is anything without fruit juice and with an “and” in it is pretty safe…including a Long IslAND.
That said, I agree with the exceptions for Margaritas, as long as they’re classics. Here in San Antonio, they’re pretty much a way of life. The most entertaining Margarita recipe I’ve heard of is a glass of Patron Silver on the rocks with a drop of green food coloring in it. LOL
Great call on the Manhattans and Rusty Nails. Just a bit on the vermouth and Drambuie respectively.
As for JW Black, anything blended is not really showing off around here. Glenlivit or Glenfiddich would be more so. But overall, the way I see it a man shouldn’t be denied his scotch of choice. It seems to me that the person asking what’s in the glass is the one potentially into snobbery.
Scot McKay’s last blog post..X & Y On The Fly #38 — Who Wears The Pants?
July 6, 2008
Here’s a repost of a note I posted on my facebook profile. I thought it might contribute value to the discussion. Names in parenthesis have been changed. Btw the thing about the sign in my shower - credit: Jeffy
66 Days: A Reflection
On March 15, I ended my 66-day abstention from alcohol.
Some expressed curiosity as to what provoked such an abrupt decision by me to stop drinking in the first place. I’ve never been able to adequately articulate what motivated that choice. So I think its best to reflect upon and share with people I love what brought me to that decision, what it meant to me, what I learned, and what is next.
First, I must clarify what this experience was not. Sadly, for most people, cessation of self-destructive behavior only occurs after adverse consequences such as getting arrested, near death experiences, or hurting others. Those experiences create such a painful emotions that people associate them with the self-destructive behavior and consequently feel the need to avoid them.
What I learned from The Secret is that avoidance is a dysfunctional motivator in the long term. The main problem is that it requires us to focus on the thing that we don’t want. And that focus is based upon fear. Fear is an emotion that decreases our ability to influence and take action. Second, one of the most fundamental teachings of cognitive psychology is that the mind processes and recalls positive information much better than negative information. The word “not” is a separate neural function. In order for your mind to process “Do not drink alcohol” it must process “drink alcohol” and the “not” function separately. Well what do people who drink associate with “drinking alcohol”? - friends, fun, dancing, sex; hardly things we’d want to get mixed up with “not”. So its nearly impossible make “Do not drink” work.
So what this decision was not, was me moving away from something I was uncomfortable with about myself. I’m sure I behave like an idiot when I drink but I’m OK with that… So do you.
I spend a few minutes each day focusing on things that are important to me. In my shower there is a ridiculous laminated sign that I made with 5 questions that I answer every morning. “What am I happy about in my life right now? What am I grateful for in my life right now? What am I dedicated to in my life right now? Who loves me? Who do I love?” I realized from doing this every morning how important to me my physical and psychological health are. I also realized that the things that I was dedicated to creating for myself were going to require more focus and clarity.
So to those ends I decided I would do something I had not done since (I’m guessing) freshman year in high school. I would go 30 days without any drinking. This will make me a better person, I thought. With my mind running without impediment and the support of an awesome network of friends I can see what is possible and exert control over an area of my life that I have neglected all those years.
The thing that I never saw coming was how easy it was going to be. The first day of abstinence was the day (Mike) and I typically visited (Jessica) while she bartended at (bar). I went in, thought to myself “Be a better man,” ordered grapefruit juice, and actually felt a buzz from how good it felt to be doing this. Every day of it was easy- bars, sushi restaurants, post-game with lacrosse club, Super Bowl, my Birthday… I just didn’t feel the desire to drink anymore. The picture of what I was moving towards was so clear to me and alcohol wasn’t a part of it.
Those first 30 days some pretty amazing things happened in my life. Most notably, I was offered the opportunity of a lifetime to publish a start-up magazine with zero personal risk. I also recommitted to going to the gym 4 nights a week. During the second week people would tell me that I lost weight. And it actually made me a bit uncomfortable to hear that, because I didn’t perceive any difference. I’d politely say thank you or deflect it by making a joke about it but I was really thinking “bullshit”. But then several weeks and belt holes later, I realized that the work and absence of beer calories were really paying off. Even my freaking rings feel looser which is a really weird. Ha. My fingers were fat.
At 30 days, I still just didn’t feel the desire to drink. So I just continued it indefinitely.
Most meaningful have been the insights I’ve gained during that time about my personality and existence. Learning to embrace ones imperfections is a difficult thing to face. And expressing those would require another note at least as long as this one. So I won’t show all my cards just yet.
So this weekend I went to SXSW in Austin with friends. We arrived in the afternoon and were at this beautiful tiki bar/restaurant on a lake. It was sunny out and the weather was perfect. I looked around and saw everyone smiling and hanging out without a care in the world. And for the first time in 2 months I asked myself “should I have a drink?” And I thought of this quote that I read a few years ago by Samuel Butler. “All animals, except man, know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.” And I realized that I was in Austin, during spring break, at SXSW, with people I love, and now was the time to enjoy life.
And I succeeded in doing doing just that. This past weekend was probably the funnest trip I’ve ever been on. Scandalous pictures and video to follow.
So I sit here at my computer too tired and hungover to make a St. Patrick’s Day appearance and trying to figure out where I’m going to sleep tonight since Tim is snoring in my bed and Brian is on the couch. I’m also wondering what’s next for me? Abstention? Moderation? Inebriation? I think I’ll find time for all of them.
July 6, 2008
I’m in high school and drinking is rampant. I don’t do it though because my thinking has always been, if you go out to have fun, don’t you want to remember it?
That said, the popular, safe drink has always been just beer, plain old Bud. Can’t really get much else as a teenager, lol.
July 9, 2008
I try to pace myself at the bars as far as drinking. Which means i wont get as many drinks as everyone else so its good to know what drinks are good to have when I do have them..
July 30, 2008
White Russians are allowed depending on where you go. If it’s the new, hip night club, no. If you’re tromping at the martini bar, yes.
It also has to do with how they make it, if they use tons of milk to flatten it to a pasty bland look, or just a few creamers so it stays nice and thick while keeping it’s color.
July 30, 2008
Keep it simple! Scotch or Guinness.