Über den Autor
Wir alle zu viele Obachtweise, einen welchen kompletten Fremden, der weiß, nichts über uns denkt. Furcht vor Ablehnung ist das zugrundeliegende Gefühl in den meisten Annäherungen.
Der Gedanke einer schönen Frau, die dort sitzt und Sie einen Verlierer vor der gesamten Verein anruft, läßt die meisten Kerle Mägen in Knoten sich drehen. Sort or ironically, being rejected will bring the most success with women into your life. Let me explain
Internally most guys think that they are complete lonely losers that no one could love. They greatly fear that women will find this out and have no desire for them. They learn all these cool lines and tricks but that fear of being thought of as a loser by women and confirming their already held beliefs is still strong. It carries so much wait that it cripples them from being comfortable in interactions or EVEN APPROACHING WOMEN.
They try their hardest to avoid getting “rejected” in order to avoid facing their own belief system. They try their very best to do everything “right”and LOOK COOL but by the very act of trying they are doing everything wrong. From this they place wayyy tooo much importance on getting a good re-action from the girl and becoming very outcome dependent and needy. If the interaction goes well they get a false sense of self esteem from the girl and feel good. If it goes badly then that fear of of actually being a loser is triggered and they feel terrible.
When you are outcome dependent you become very attached to what the girl thinks of you. This just breeds of insecurity and neediness which if you hadn’t guessed is a HUGE TURN OFF for women. Women are attracted to men who could take or leave any woman. Not caring whether the woman comes, stays, lays or prays seems very counter intuitive but its what will get you the “best” results and lead to a happier and more peaceful life.
In addition to this fear of being rejected is a fear of the unknown. If you are just starting out in approaching or have done a couple of approaches the fear of the unknown is still lingering in the background.
This fears makes your mind race at a hundred miles per hour with a million
questions: “what if she pours a drink on me?” “what if she rejects me and all the people in the club laugh at me and I am humiliated?” “what if this happens?” “what if that happens?” and so on. The only way around fear of the unknown is to go straight through it and become comfortable with ambiguity of approaching and life.
When you get rejected badly and the initial sting wears down you will find it hilarious how some girls will treat a complete stranger who was just saying Hi to them and being friendly. Part of the reason why they felt the need to reject you badly is how annoyed they are at being hit on all day by guys who haven’t a clue. Another part of it is the pleasure they get from rejecting guys. They love the feeling of having the power to control another persons state of emotions through their own actions.
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July 3, 2008
This is my new motivational article. It seems like everywhere I go, karma/destiny/fate/god whatever has been sending me a message to tell me to get off my ass and just get back into gaming like i was a few months ago. First was the TD vid I saw (on this site actually), then it was the new Wanted movie with Angelina Jolie which basically has a moral msg of you control your own destiny so get out there and do something worth while, and now this article. I HAVE to get back into it now.
July 4, 2008
Zeo… its funny that you mention Wanted. Not only was it a phenomenal movie on the surface, but the deep underlying message was prolific. I actually kind of found myself wanting to tell one of my superiors to go fuck themselves, but i had to slap myself back into reality. lol. Reading this article was an absolute eye opener for me.
July 4, 2008
This is a great article. I have been in a real rut lately and with that being the case, I find myself not approaching out of rejection fear. I think to myself - here I have all this knowledge, been thru bootcamps, have studied with some the best PUA’s in the world and I am having trouble talking to some 28 year old who has never been out of her home town, a single mother, works a shitty job at a local insurance agency and just happens to look good at a local bar? What is wrong with me? - its fear, stupid fear. Here I am a great guy, who has traveled, well educated, funny, attractive, dress well and most importantly good hearted - could offer great value to her life and I cant talk to her out of fear? Fear of what? Its scarcity vs. abundance attitude that I need to remember….is it her loss or my loss? The answer is that its a loss for both of us…again, great article and I wish the community would post more of this type of quality…thank you and I wish all a great 4th of July! God Bless!
July 4, 2008
Ha, you saw it too lilez? I just have one question tho, how could I, as a high schooler, do the crash and burn when everyone knows me or a person who does know me, so my thought process is: if I fuck up with this set, they’ll tell the other girls they know that know me and I’ll be super fucked. How can I still apply the crash and burn w/o this problem or should I just say fuck it and do it anyways and not care about what reprecussions that may occur from other chicks ik hearing about my crash and burn?
July 5, 2008
Man i swear i was walking around work one day and i’m thinking, “I’m gonna tell this sob he can go fuck himself”.(of course i didn’t though). You know what though Zeo, I often times wondered why some people were so magnetic in school. Like the people that were popular in high school still maybe popular, but a lot of people hit some rough times once they graduate. It seems like the less popular people step up and fill the shoes in their own way. All i think it really boils down to is a person being comfortable in their own skin. some people reach that point very quick, others reach it later on in life, or even some never reach it. I’ve also wondered how some people can do or say some of the things that i’ve seen or heard in the past. It amazes me how people can say whatever the hell comes to their mind without any censorship or reserve. This can be good, but i’ve learned that it is best to choose your words wisely. When i first started talking to my dad about this kind of stuff he would always constantly say “You have nothing to lose”. In which you don’t. So what if that group of girls thinks you’re a dork, the only persons’ opinion that should matter is your own. That’s why it is important to develop a strong sense of self aka High Status/Rock Solid Confidence, and once you’ve got it fuck what the world thinks. Everything has it designated time and season so the confidence will come my friend.
July 5, 2008
“how do I crash and burn in high school without everyone thinking I’m a loser?”
Is high school the only place you every see any girls?
The reason you have a problem with women in the first place is that you are too scared to say anything that might upset them. Even though you have learned all this great “pick up” stuff you still have the nice guy attitude.
A nice guy doesn’t want to upset the girl or say something wrong because she might not like him. So he stays in this nice confined box and has a check list of things not to say to women. This checklist makes him worry about how the interaction will go down which causes anxiety. Women pick up on this anxiety and just aren’t attracted to him.
You still fear what other people think of you. You still want these high school chicks to like you. You have a lose of freedom to be able to do whatever you want because of your desire to be liked.
If it were me (and it was me when I was in high school) I would just go for it without a concern of what might happen. It’s very unlikely that everyone will talk and you will be labeled as a loser. If so, it will teach you to drop the attachment to wanting others to think you were cool and to like you (which will greatly improve your success overall)
Alex S’s last blog post..How to Lead Her Sexually ebook
July 5, 2008
Alex S. thanks for the advice but your missing my point.
First off I go to an all dude’s school but the girls that I know in the area all know each other. Each clic knows the other and will tell each other if a dude’s a creeper, cool, loser, hottie, etc. I’m not afraid of them not liking me, in fact I’m pretty much an asshole to all the girls I know which is wrong and I’m trying to turn that into a more Alpha Confidence rather than just arrogance.
What I’m trying to say is that I want to know if there is a way to still apply the crash and burn without reprecussions. But you what, now that I’m rereading what I’m asking and what you said, I’m realizing that what I’m asking is counterproductive. I want the confidence without the hard work. Like i’m just realizng how stupid my question is lol.
Thanks Alex and lilez for making me realize this lol. I’m just going say fuck it, if they tell other people who gives a shit. It’s my reality and i really shouldnt care what others say.
July 5, 2008
Zeo- There’s always the mall, sporting events (95% of women are BORED at these), other towns, college campuses, what about other high schools? I’m going to recommend that you not do a C&B exercise at school. I think once you get numb to the anxiety you should take risks in school, but gossip travels faster through a high school than data on the internet. So protect your reputation. Once you get comfortable, it’ll be time to meet the girls at your school.
July 5, 2008
I also want to add that I think we are falling into a trap when we try to understand fear of rejection. Its an emotion- it doesn’t have to have a logical cause. When you get rejected its not like you process the language “now everyone is going to know I’m a dork” and then feel the pain. You feel the pain first. Then you attach meaning to it.
So all of these “you need to understand that she rejected your approach not you” and other rationalizations are going to be ineffective in numbing the pain you’ll feel.
The only way to get over the fear is to do it. No NLP, Chakra-snake oil, $99 DVD set is going to replace that.
July 5, 2008
you’re welcome man. Agreed with id. You can sit in your room all day meditating, doing hypnosis and NLP on yourself and it still won’t fix the problem. All that stuff will trick you into believing the problem is gone so you don’t actually need to do anything about it. Meanwhile the problem persists on the background but all of that comes from fear and unwillingness to face the fear.
Even if that stuff did fix the problem, it would take far too long to do that stuff. The problem will go away much quicker if you just take it head on.
Alex S’s last blog post..How to Lead Her Sexually ebook
July 6, 2008
Just saw Wanted and now I understand what you guys were talking about in the first couple comments
“What have you done lately?”
That question can drive you crazy when you realize everything you’re missing out on because of the fears you harbor.
August 20, 2008
I think this article is great! There is so much psychology behind it. The example you give are forms of flooding your fears, to prove to yourself how absurd the fear really is! Great stuff!