Estamos en el vigésimo día de nuestro 31 días para mejorar el juego serie. Ayer Roosh V, autor de uno mis libros nuevos preferidos Explosión, escribió una gran pequeña lección en tener una primera fecha acertada.
Un problema que veo hacer frente de muchos individuos es que están teniendo apuro el conseguir de una segunda reunión con una muchacha. It seems no matter how much fun they seem to have with the girl the first night… the girl flakes out before the second meeting or date. I decided to write today’s lesson on breaking through that barrier and getting the second date.
day 20
How to Get a Day Two by Bobby Rio
A few years ago I was going through a slump with women. It was not so much that I wasn’t meeting any, it was that the ones I was meeting just weren’t up to my standards. These girls were falling for me quickly, and I would soon have to break their hearts. It was depressing me. I was really starting to believe that either there were no quality girls left in the world, or that I just couldn’t attract the ones I wanted.
About that time I went on Match.com. A little while after going on the site I started an online flirtation with this cute Filipino girl. She would write me these long rambling emails at four in the morning (that were just the most amusing things to read)… and I soon found myself very attracted to. We made arrangements to meet.
When she arrived at my house, she was even hotter than her online photos portrayed her to be. Within minutes of talking to her I was already feeling like this was going to be different. I was sensing a connection I didn’t feel with the other girls.
When we got to the bar, things went even better. The conversation was flowing naturally, we were laughing a lot, doing shots together, teasing one another… it was genuinely the best date I had in months. Mid way through the date I was already imagining our future together. Although I didn’t get a kiss that night, she came back to my house for a bit, and the evening ended on a high note.
The next day I couldn’t stop thinking about her. And although it had only been one day since I saw her, it felt like an eternity. My better judgment told me to wait a day or two before contacting her again… but I couldn’t help it, I sent her an email that night. Something along the lines of “had a really great time last night. What day this week do you want to play tennis” (we had talked about playing tennis on the date)
She didn’t respond to the email for a couple days. When she did respond, all she wrote was “I had a good time too. You are a really funny guy,” She never mentioned the tennis invite. The night I got her email I called her. She didn’t answer so I left a message. She never called me back. I waited a week then emailed her again “Guess we didn’t connect as much as I thought” or something AFC like that. She wrote back the next day saying “Sorry I’ve just been busy. You’re really nice… I’m just not sure what I’m looking for right now in terms of relationships.”
BAM it was over. The one girl I actually felt a connection with didn’t even have interest in a second date. I began really analyzing what went wrong… and it became painfully obvious why she had no desire to see me again.
Below I’m going to go over the mistakes I made on that meeting. My hope is that by reading through these mistakes I made you might be able to notice a thing or two that you’re doing that might be preventing you from getting a second date.
Mistakes that will Prevent Day Two
Too quickly deciding that you liked her. The previous girls that I was dating I was always the one doing the judging. I would sit back and let them prove their worth to me. This put me in the position to be the prize.
With the FIlipino girl, I decided too soon that I liked her. Once I decided that I liked her I started working too hard to impress her. I was way too attached to the outcome of the date. Girls can sense when you’re investing more than they are, and it will immediately lower your value and put her in the position of being the prize.
Resorting to Nice Guy Lines. I really believed that I had experienced a connection with the Filipino girl. I truly believed she was feeling the same way. Because I felt there was this “connection” there, I let my guard down. Normally I would never show my hand on a date… I would always keep the girl guessing what was going through my mind.
The mistake I made on this date was that I gave too much away. I was complimenting her way too much. I kept telling her how fun she was. I remember at one point I was smiling, and she asked “what?” and I said “You’re just really cute.” AGHHH
I kept bringing up plans for a second date. We hadn’t even finished our first date and I was already asking her to play tennis together, to go see a movie she mentioned.
Because I felt so comfortable with her I felt at ease to tell her about my recent trouble finding a girl I really liked. I dropped all “player” mode and started to open up with her way to soon.
Not Escalating Kino. Although we were having a good time together, I was in “nice guy mode”, and was scared to ruin the evening my “moving to fast.” I would very rarely make any physical contact, and when I did I would quickly pull away as to not scare her.
Normally, even on dates with girls I didn’t like, I would be advancing towards sex after an hour into the date. Here I was 2 hours into a great date and I was scared to leave my hand on her waist for more than a second.
Let her Call the Shots. Once we got to the bar, she quickly took the role of leader. She was the one suggesting what to drink. When the bar got crowded, she was the one who suggested that we move to a table in the back, when the DJ played a song she liked, she was the one who suggested we go on the dance floor.
It was like I was so scared of making a wrong move that I gave all power to her. I even broke one of my cardinal date rules; Always be the one who ends it. About midnight she is the one to say “its getting late we should get going.”
Trying to Plan the Next Meeting Before the Date Ended. In Bang, Roosh says “always say ’see you soon’ when you end a date.” That was something that I always naturally did before her, and have always naturally did since her. But that particular night I felt compelled to try to make plans to immediately see her again.
By making immediate plans you don’t give the girl the joy of wondering when she’s going to hear from you again. Remember, a large part of attraction occurs when the girl is away from you and thinking about you. The less sure she is in her status with you, the more time she is going to spend thinking about you.
Contacting her too Soon After Day One. I used the fact that we had such a good time as a reason to call the next day. The fact that we had such a good time should have been used as a reason to wait a few days to call. If she really had a good time she would be going crazy waiting for my call. The whole time she’s waiting for my call my value is increasing in her mind by leaps and bounds.
I threw it all away by contacting her the next night. The minute I contacted her, her brain went “OK I have this guy… now let me decide if I want him.’
When you don’t call, her brain is going “Does he want me?” That is what you want her brain thinking.
Acting Needy When She Wasn’t Responding Quick Enough. As many mistakes as I made on the date itself, I still believe I could have savaged it if I was able to stay cool during our contacts post date. Unfortunately I wasn’t. Whenever she delayed contacted me, I got needy and contacted her right away.
And when I sensed she was blowing me off… I did the worst possible thing my sending her a message stating my feelings and trying to guilt her into seeing me again.
So how do you get a day two?
If you want to know how to get a day two… the answer is to not make these mistakes on day one. Roosh gave you a perfect strategy for day one. If you follow his strategy and avoid the mistakes listed in this lesson than you should be having no trouble getting second dates.
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July 9, 2008
Oh how i think about the past mistakes that i made. I actually posted a FR if anyone wants to read it called Past Mistakes. Hopefully it has some good insight. I remember seeing it in a post on here not to long ago, when it was said to not be afraid to walk away from any woman at anytime. And i remember my dad telling me something along the lines of, dont lie or bs any woman, that way it will be easier to walk away if you choose to. Really i think having the ability to walk away at any given time eliminates any potential clingyness/neediness.
July 9, 2008
I just have to post my comment about the 31 days to better game. Its such a great idea and it really is hitting all the necessary subjects!
July 9, 2008
I’d really like to hear the women’s perspective on this subject. Honey, Athena, Mom- What do you think?
July 9, 2008
well, i agree with most of it - but for different details. like too quickly deciding you like her and nice guy lines - the main point there was to keep her guessing, where as i think the main point is ASS KISSING = BAD. this is ALWAYS true. it instantly makes you very low status in girl-land. its not really a matter of who is trying harder - its that for girls, ass-kissing is what you do when you are LOW LOW LOW on the totem pole. letting her call the shots is ok, as long as its fun, and you say “no” at least once without explanation or begging or asking, also, you have to call a shot or two yourself. also, YES YES you should be the one to end it.
as for planning the next date - brainstorming is ok, but dont put any pressure on it. keep it as a possibility only. girls hate pressure, and it gives them time to defend against it.
contacting too soon - yes, the next day IS too soon. but maybe not the day after that, as long as you dont mention the next date first. remember - dont pressure her. let HER suggest it. find some other reason to call.
acting needy was probably the very worst thing EVER. nothing gets a girl on the defensive quicker than a guy who acts like you “owe” him something just because you went out once. obligation that early is a real turn-off. whining is NOT fun.
just be careful with the not contacting her/making her come to you thing. a lot of guys play it a little off, and end up sending mixed signals. when you run hot and cold, it can run off some of the more confident girls who dont like sitting around wondering what the hell is going on. let her know you like her, just dont need her or worship her. and dont act like you are looking for more than mutual fun.
July 9, 2008
Reminds me of the Eric Hutchinson song “Call Me Back”.
July 9, 2008
Athena- awesome post, thanks. Its interesting how we say we don’t want to be deceptive, but fuckin A- its like Bobby said. He tried to do what felt right, and got it wrong! And don’t say its not deceptive. Truth be told a guy is ready to do you within less than a second of looking at you. So all of this playing it cool shit really is deception.
I’ve got to wonder where all this lies in evolutionary theory. I seriously doubt our nomadic ancestor Alpha males had to jump through the hoops we do. If all of this ridiculous strategy was required to mate before we were as intelligent, the human race may have become extinct.
My guess is that its a supply and demand issue. Back then women in tribes didn’t have as many options and the leadership hierarchy was very clearly defined and the tribes only had a few hundred people. Today, with transportation and communication so advanced, women have hundreds of options every single day. More options for women = more quality control checks for potential mates. But those are in my opinion learned- I doubt they’ve evolved much in the past couple thousand years.
Another factor could be that declining testosterone levels are simply making men less desirable.
Bobby and Mike- I find this evolutionary psychology stuff really interesting. I think your other readers might enjoy some articles on that.
July 10, 2008
i know you say not to say its not deceptive - but i dont really think its deceptive.
its just communicating more effectively to women. you want to send a message across that is true (i like you/think you are cool) but if you dont know how to do that, you will be sending the wrong message (ass kissing means im below you and dont deserve you)
i dont see it any different than when we grow up a little in society and cant act like children anymore. just like when i get pissed, i dont get to throw a little tantrum at work (no matter how natural it may feel) - i have to communicate differently if i want to get my message across.
i mean, i think we all already know that when you get pissed off, you would like to punch someone or break stuff or just act like an ass. its not deceptive to resist that urge and use behaviors that might actually HELP you. same with talking to girls - you dont have to hide the fact that you want to boink her, its no secret anyway! - but you dont have to act like a needy, impulsive child about it, either.
hell, we use these kinds of strategies everyday, in nearly every situation - job interviews, classrooms, talking to cops, work situations, even the freaking dmv. there are countless classes on how to be a better teacher, better salesmen, better at interviews, better husbands/wives. but only when we apply it for being better with attracting women do we consider it deceptive.