Very few drinks carry the social implications that wine does. It is commonly ordered with dinner, brought to a house as a gift, or just guzzled while lying in your bathtub on a lonely night.While I’ll never consider myself anything of a cultural elitist, some basic knowledge of wine will serve to make many social situations slide by that much smoother.
If you don’t already have a burning itch to become a bit of a connoisseur, rent the movie Sideways and you’ll be heading on a road trip to the vineyards in no time.
How to Buy Wine
Walking into a liquor store to purchase a bottle of wine can be overwhelming for the
novice. There are like 500 different bottles ranging in price from $4 to $300 and up. There are reds, whites, blushes, sparkling wines, and port wines. All of these can still be broken down further into the different styles such as Cabernet, Bordeaux, Burgundy, Chablis, Chardonnay, and Rose- to name just a few.
I could sit here and lecture you on all the different intricacies of the various flavors… but I’ll spare you the details. If you’re that curious buy a book on wine. Instead I’m going to give you a nice little guide for choosing a bottle based on different social situations.
Getting drunk by yourself- If you main goal is to sit in your house, throw a movie on, and drink away the pain of your ex girlfriend leaving your ass- you’ll want to go with the big jug of Carlo Rossi. You can’t 
miss this while walking through the liquor store… it’s the only one that comes with a handle on it. You can get this wine in any of the major styles… but when you’re buying wine by the jug- how picky are you going to be?
Bringing a bottle to a dinner party- This is a little trickier. My advice is to always go for a bottle that has some name recognition. There is a good chance that you won’t ever even get a sip out of this bottle, so put your personal preference aside. The best part is- you don’t have to spend a lot of money. Most of your friends will probably be most impressed with a well marketed $20 bottle.
My faithful three are
1. Santa Margarita Pino Grigio- Most restaurants sell this at $9 a glass.
2. Ruffino Ducale Chianti- This is what Tony Soprano would have shown up with.
3. Kendal Jackson- Who hasn’t heard of this?
Ordering a bottle at a restaurant- Throwing back a couple glasses of wine is a great way to loosen a girl up on a date. But it is crucial you make the right choice. I usually recommend staying away from red wine for one important reason; if you’re not completely conscious of what you’re doing you will most likely wind up chatting away with red teeth. Not very attractive. If you must order red, be careful to remember to swish
some water around your mouth occasionally to wash the redness away.
Chardonnay is a good choice for a date wine. If she hasn’t looked at the wine menu… order the house wine… by name. Never say, “I’ll take a bottle of the house white.”
Chardonnay is a fairly good tasting wine that goes down pretty easy. You should have no problem polishing off a bottle over dinner. Two glasses is the recommended amount. It’s just enough to loosen you up, but not so much that you’ll turn into blabbering fool.
This should be a good starter guide for purchasing a bottle of wine.
If you’re completely clueless about how to drink one… I’ll give you a few hints:
1. Never put an ice cube in a glass of wine.
2. Avoid spilling red wine on your shirt. It won’t come out.
3. Unless you really know what you’re doing… avoid the whole smelling the wine as you drink it thing- you just look like an ass.
4. You are never to order a glass of Zinfandel… ever.
5. Quit while you’re ahead. You’ll regret that 4th glass. Trust me.
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July 14, 2008
While I’m a little pissed with you about messing with me about the buckle (the chino cuff would cover it, done deal). Calling me a pilgrim was a bit much.
One of the greatest joys of my life was fucking with women on wine selection. I have a waitress friend that would set all of them up…order their wine and then see if thier meal matched. She was a friend and it was an inside joke. Doing this is a great way to check them out. I noticed you didn’t put in any advice about pairing foods. To the younger guys out there, wine should match what you’re eating.
Don’t knock red wine…ever.
July 15, 2008
If you plan on ordering in a restaurant, you should probably figure out how the list is assembled, and if you like sweet or dry wines.
Also, if you are setting up a dinner or going to a dinner party or small house party - I wouldn’t worry so much about names, just bring one sweet and one dry. Your VERY best bet is to find a GOOD liquor store with tons of selection and a knowledgeable staff. There are some real treasures out there for cheap, but you gotta ask someone to find them. What you want to know before you ask is: red or white, sweet or dry, and a price range. Even if you arent sure on the color or sweetness, if you know what is being served, they can help you out with that, too.
July 15, 2008
I recently had to learn about wine for my job since we serve wine. It racks up the bill, and thus the tips.
Some things I’ve seen:
1) An old lady filled her wine glass full of ice
2) More old women smell the wine before tasting.
3) Zinfendel is probably the most common order we have. Mainly the white Zinfendel.
I was thinking about sharing some wine once I finally get a girl back to my place. You guys have any recommendations?
-Seraf
July 15, 2008
ITs always useful to have a bottle of both red and white back at your place. The brand is not that importnat… like Athena said, tell the liquor store what you want to spend, and ask for a recommendation.
b.
July 15, 2008
yeah, seraf - most people enjoy their wine much colder than recommended. I bet that old lady who put ice in her glass started out drinking wine spritzers and eventually moved on to just wine with ice. Old women smell it to make sure it hasn’t gone bad (you would be surprised how many bars and restaurants have spoiled wine sitting around). A lot of people pick white zin, its a total cop-out. I think because they want sweet wine - next time try offering a riesling.
In fact, i also recommend keeping a riesling at home - you can find some amazingly good ones for a great price if you have a good guide at your store, and its a nice switch up from white zin. (pretty much everyone who likes white zin likes a riesling) ooh- and sparkling whites. they arent technically champagne (it has to be from the champagne region to be champagne) but they are a LOT more fun to drink, a little more special. you could do a lot with that at your home.
July 15, 2008
I prefer my church’s communion wine personally, lol.
July 15, 2008
aha Zeo’s day 2’s are at Church. OH GOD!! OH GOD ;>
If you want to try a full bodied flavorful red, try Shiraz / Syrah (same grape, grown in different regions). This is my personal favorite.
If you want to try a decent inexpensive Shiraz/Syrah I recommend Rosemount Estate Diamond Label ~ $10.
http://www.winelistaustralia.com.au/PLU/Rosemount/Shiraz.jpg
and as an aside, I invited some black girls from down the hall over one night when I was drunk and poured them a glass of Merlot. I asked how they liked it and one replied “S’aight… it needs ice”.
July 16, 2008
I could use a wino education…personally I don’t mind Trader Joe’s shiraz and I like Yellow tail shiraz…but getting the basics down is in the near future for me. A DHV that is relevant to all social situations.
Oh, and definitely see Sideways if you haven’t already!