Cómo manejé el problema cuando ocurrió
Si no evité el sexo totalmente con una muchacha… Lo prolongaría mientras sea posible con cantidades masivas de foreplay. Si todavía no había nada que iba en abajo allí… Yo comería su gatito y lo llamaría una noche.
Si una muchacha comenzara a alcanzar abajo allí y no fuera duro, separaría su mano y acabo de finjo que la embromaba para construir la anticipación.
Lo culparía a veces en ser “demasiado borracho.” Otras veces lo culparía en ser “hacia fuera tensionados finales excesivos”. Other times I would blame it on “just getting out of a relationship.”
What I did know was that my sexual confidence was completely down the toilet for awhile there.
Road to Recovery
The biggest break through that I had was one day opening up to my friends about my problem. I was amazed to find that pretty much all of them had experienced the problem before. Some of them were even experiencing it as regularly as me. For the first time I felt there wasn’t just something fundamentally wrong with me. That is my biggest inspiration for writing the article; to let anyone going through this know… it isn’t just you.
Once I was armed with the knowledge that other guys have gone through this too… I became a lot less nervous about the situation.
The next biggest breakthrough came with using visualizations. Visualizations are a powerful tool that can
be used for achieving any goal… but for me, overcoming erectile dysfunction was where I saw the most distinct result.
I realized that much of the cause of the problem was me visualizing the worst possible outcome. Whenever I was on a date with a girl I would start letting the anxiety take over and imagining the pain and embarrassment I would feel if I couldn’t get it up.
I changed my internal visualizations. Whenever I started to feel anxiety creep in… I would start imaging having the wildest hottest sex imaginable with the girl. I would image myself hard as a rock jamming her to the point of pain. I would hold the vision of this unbelievable sex in mind and it was like a fortress blocking out the anxiety. Soon I found that I was actually going home and having the sex I was imagining.
If for some reason I still lost my hard on I stopped beating myself up over it. I would tell myself “it happens” and then begin looking forward to my next opportunity to sleep with the girl.
The hardest obstacle to overcome was my aversion to condoms. Oddly enough… with all the girls I slept with I never once had a girl force me to wear a condom. I would attempt to wear them on occasion, but if I felt myself shrinking… I would chuck it aside.
A few years after college I began dating this girl who refused to sleep with me raw dog. My first time using a condom with her I managed, but my performance was less than stellar as my penis was only barely hard.
An odd thing happened the next time we had sex. We had the most mind blowing sex of my life. We honest to god, fucked for like four hours straight. I was hard as a rock, but could not cum. I fucked her all over her house. I made her come multiple times. When we finally finished she said “that was by far the best sex of my life.” And I believed her, because it was the best sex of my life too.
Since then my mind did a 180 degree turn in regards to condoms. I began viewing them as a tool to last longer in bed. I’ve worn them consistently since her and never once lost my erection putting one on.
Conclusion
It’s been many years since I’ve faced the embarrassment of an episode. I don’t kid myself to believe it will never happen again. It’s part of being a man.
If you’re going through the problem right now the best advice I can give you is to stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. The mind naturally attracts what we focus on the most. Instead change your focus to the mind blowing sex you intend to have. Repeat the image of yourself performing competently over and over in your mind.
If the problem still arises don’t put too much emphasis on it. Look at it like a stumbling block, and get back on the horse.
Do any of you have any tips for guys who might be facing this problem?
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August 4, 2008
i agree. visualization of a positive outcome is definitely the best advice hands down. another tip to add is to be physical fit. this means quit smoking if you do,eat healthy and exercise because if the problem is physical.. visualization won’t help anything.
August 4, 2008
Physical fitness doesn’t play a role in this case I think. I had the *exact* same experience, I mean, it’s scary how similar it was to yours. I went to see a doctor and she said that it was a psychological problem.
What helped me was leaving some of the clothes on. She was standing facing away from me, we both had pants on and I pushed our bodies together. I swear, I thought my pants would rip.
Addition: the weird part was, I was actually less turned on when she was completely naked. Try to ask a girl to wear her yoga stuff or something similar to make you more turned on/comfortable. I think that may have something to do with how you need to get your imagination working to penetrate the psychological barrier preventing you from getting an erection.
Also, maybe try doing it in the dark?
August 4, 2008
props to you for sharing this. It happened to me too my first almost time. I also share the condom curse. But it totally depends on the context. And you are right on the money with the alcohol thing. A bit of it is good because it helps bring out the animal in you and will have you last longer. Too much = whiskey dick.
From an NLP perspective its really about reprogramming how you think of condoms. When I had problems with this in the past as soon as I reached for it mr stiffy was already waning. I was worrying and visualizing a repeat of past failures.
The problem is when I am in foreplay, I’m getting really excited thinking about pounding that pussy into pudding and getting hard. But even reaching for the condom BREAKS MY STATE. So the question is, how to make putting on a condom exciting and pleasurable?
Its all about fooling yourself. Start training yourself now by getting horny by the idea of putting one on. Visualize. Feel Horny. Pop wood. Spell the name of a state backwards. Repeat. Sure it sounds absurd- but not as absurd as having a limp dick when there’s a naked girl in your bed.
I’m no NLP guru but I do believe in some of its principles. If I’m not explaining this clearly please let me know.
August 4, 2008
one thing I forgot to add: am I the only one that has trouble getting turned on when its too easy? I like a bit of resistance.
August 4, 2008
Hi Bobby! Thanks for this post!
My experience with a guy with ED told me one thing: porn and real life are way too different! So my advice to guys with this problem is: less porn, and more focus on real sexy women (i.e. women who don’t have ultra-perfect bodies).
I used to ask a guy first if he drank a lot like daily and how many, so I can gauge how to properly handle my frustrations later. A girl’s role in an erection-ridden guy’s ego health during sex is crucial, if she “takes it personally”, she won’t even begin to know how to help him. Yep, alcohol is bad for the little-big guy.
Thanks again, TSB. You rock!
evilwoobies last blog post..Dating Could Save Your Sanity
August 5, 2008
Altair
You’re on point about the keeping the clothes on. I find it that when a girl has a nice rack, it is so much more appealing when they keep their bra on.
August 5, 2008
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August 5, 2008
I just had this problem over the weekend and I was contemplating rescheduling our hookup for tonight…so big thanks for this one! I think visualization will get my launch sequence properly activated.
I think porn may be a culprit as well…at least for me…when I was 18 and didn’t have access to porn, seeing a chick with big tits walking down the streets gave me a hard on. Now, I can look up any damn thing I want and have it as fast as my computer downloads it… so perhaps desensitization plays a part.
Also, if there isn’t tension, resistance, passion, etc.. it makes me lose my horniness…and I also like the idea of leaving clothes on.
Oh, and lube has helped me in the past as well.
August 7, 2008
I had the exact same problem. With the first 20 women I wanted to have sex with. I never had problems while watching porn. One day I realised there was a connection. I stopped watching porn completely, no smoking or drinking allowed.
Two weeks later I had the first sex in my life! I was 23 at that time. You can’t imagine what a big wheigt fell of my shoulders.
Great article!