C'est un poteau que j'ai été signification à écrire pour pendant quelque temps, et je dois remercier mon ami de blogger Woobie mauvais pour me pousser pour l'écrire finalement.
Vous êtes-vous jamais trouvé avec une fille, les choses escaladent-elles vers l'intimité… et est-ce qu'absolument rien ne continue vers le bas là ? Ou vous parvenez à obtenir finalement une construction… pour la perdre seulement rapidement pendant que vous essayez de glisser le condom dessus ?
Si vous n'avez pas déjà éprouvé ces situations… les chances sont toi à un certain point dans votre vie. I sûr ont.
Je n'ai pas perdu ma virginité jusqu'à mon année d'étudiant de première année à l'université. Pour cette raison je me suis senti appréhensif au sujet de connecter avec des filles comme je les ai imaginées toutes pour être beaucoup plus éprouvé que moi. Je me rappelle toujours la première nuit où j'ai apporté une fille de nouveau à ma pièce de dortoir. Il y avait ce sens ragaillardissant d'accomplissement, et en même temps, cette crainte paralysante de l'insuffisance.
I was surprisingly competent at making out, and unhooked her bra with the skill of a pro… but something was noticeably wrong. I didn’t realize exactly how wrong until she reached her hand down my pants. I was completely limp. She fumbled around for a minute before I embarrassingly brought her hand back up to my chest and continued kissing her like nothing happened.
That night was the beginning of my journey on a long and bumpy road to sexual competency.
I knew that physically there was nothing wrong with me… I mean, I was jerking off twice a day… hard as a rock. But the minute I had a girl willing to come back to my place… I would lose all feeling down there.
I wound up in a relationship with a girl from my math class. She was a virgin too. We took it slow in the bedroom and soon I was functioning full strength during make out sessions. We were having marathon foreplay sessions where I would expand so big I felt I could burst…
But then the night came when she decided she was ready to give me her virginity. We went out to dinner, and then a movie. The entire time my mind was racing with anxiety over how well I would perform at
something I’ve waited 18 years to attempt. When we finally got to my place I was a nervous wreck. I managed to fondle myself in the bathroom enough to get it up… but when she handed me a condom to place on my boss… I fizzled away.
My next few attempts ended the same way. It wasn’t until one morning when she climbed on top of me… slid me inside her and starting bouncing up and down… that I finally was able to maintain an erection. Of course, I never got around to putting a condom on.
For the rest of our relationship I never wore a condom because I saw it as Kryptonite to my erection. My girlfriend went on the pill… so all was well.
After we broke up I entered the hell of erectile dysfunction all over again. By this time I was tearing it up with the girls on my campus. But I was very rarely closing the deal with them. Mainly because I feared going for the homerun… only to fail.
What I learned about my experience with limp dick
1. It most often happened in experiences where there was a built up pressure involved. The more time I had to prepare for the sexual encounter… the more anxiety I felt. And the more anxiety I felt… the less chance I would get or maintain an erection.
2. I found it almost impossible to put on a condom without losing or at least greatly diminishing my erection.
3. The less comfortable I was with the girl… the less chance of success in the bedroom. This meant that if I could make it past the first few mishaps with a girl… it would be smooth sailing from there on out.
4. Alcohol in small doses helped the problem. Alcohol in large doses made me lose all sensitivity down there.
5. The girls I had the best sex with were the ones I felt no pressure to perform well… i.e.) fat girls, girls I didn’t want to sleep, girls I wasn’t supposed to sleep with.
6. Herbal supplements don’t work. I took Yohimbe, Horny Goat Weed, Ginseng, Man Power, and just about every other over the counter supplement… and none of them made a damn difference.
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August 4, 2008
i agree. visualization of a positive outcome is definitely the best advice hands down. another tip to add is to be physical fit. this means quit smoking if you do,eat healthy and exercise because if the problem is physical.. visualization won’t help anything.
August 4, 2008
Physical fitness doesn’t play a role in this case I think. I had the *exact* same experience, I mean, it’s scary how similar it was to yours. I went to see a doctor and she said that it was a psychological problem.
What helped me was leaving some of the clothes on. She was standing facing away from me, we both had pants on and I pushed our bodies together. I swear, I thought my pants would rip.
Addition: the weird part was, I was actually less turned on when she was completely naked. Try to ask a girl to wear her yoga stuff or something similar to make you more turned on/comfortable. I think that may have something to do with how you need to get your imagination working to penetrate the psychological barrier preventing you from getting an erection.
Also, maybe try doing it in the dark?
August 4, 2008
props to you for sharing this. It happened to me too my first almost time. I also share the condom curse. But it totally depends on the context. And you are right on the money with the alcohol thing. A bit of it is good because it helps bring out the animal in you and will have you last longer. Too much = whiskey dick.
From an NLP perspective its really about reprogramming how you think of condoms. When I had problems with this in the past as soon as I reached for it mr stiffy was already waning. I was worrying and visualizing a repeat of past failures.
The problem is when I am in foreplay, I’m getting really excited thinking about pounding that pussy into pudding and getting hard. But even reaching for the condom BREAKS MY STATE. So the question is, how to make putting on a condom exciting and pleasurable?
Its all about fooling yourself. Start training yourself now by getting horny by the idea of putting one on. Visualize. Feel Horny. Pop wood. Spell the name of a state backwards. Repeat. Sure it sounds absurd- but not as absurd as having a limp dick when there’s a naked girl in your bed.
I’m no NLP guru but I do believe in some of its principles. If I’m not explaining this clearly please let me know.
August 4, 2008
one thing I forgot to add: am I the only one that has trouble getting turned on when its too easy? I like a bit of resistance.
August 4, 2008
Hi Bobby! Thanks for this post!
My experience with a guy with ED told me one thing: porn and real life are way too different! So my advice to guys with this problem is: less porn, and more focus on real sexy women (i.e. women who don’t have ultra-perfect bodies).
I used to ask a guy first if he drank a lot like daily and how many, so I can gauge how to properly handle my frustrations later. A girl’s role in an erection-ridden guy’s ego health during sex is crucial, if she “takes it personally”, she won’t even begin to know how to help him. Yep, alcohol is bad for the little-big guy.
Thanks again, TSB. You rock!
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August 5, 2008
Altair
You’re on point about the keeping the clothes on. I find it that when a girl has a nice rack, it is so much more appealing when they keep their bra on.
August 5, 2008
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August 5, 2008
I just had this problem over the weekend and I was contemplating rescheduling our hookup for tonight…so big thanks for this one! I think visualization will get my launch sequence properly activated.
I think porn may be a culprit as well…at least for me…when I was 18 and didn’t have access to porn, seeing a chick with big tits walking down the streets gave me a hard on. Now, I can look up any damn thing I want and have it as fast as my computer downloads it… so perhaps desensitization plays a part.
Also, if there isn’t tension, resistance, passion, etc.. it makes me lose my horniness…and I also like the idea of leaving clothes on.
Oh, and lube has helped me in the past as well.
August 7, 2008
I had the exact same problem. With the first 20 women I wanted to have sex with. I never had problems while watching porn. One day I realised there was a connection. I stopped watching porn completely, no smoking or drinking allowed.
Two weeks later I had the first sex in my life! I was 23 at that time. You can’t imagine what a big wheigt fell of my shoulders.
Great article!