Я имею друга reviled большинств людьми встречают его. Ванта одним из само естественно невзлюбленных людей, котор я знаю. Оно никогда не терпит неудачу то после приглашать его к социальной ситуации…, котор кто-то более поздно прокомментирует asshole он. И когда я спрашиваю он сделал или сказал надоесть их… no one могут объяснить точно почему они не полюбили он.
No matter what он говорит к вам, он всегда звучает как он говорит вплоть до вы. Кажется, что будет любой вопрос, котор он спрашивает… всегда subtle оскорбление на вашей сведении. И любая шутка, котор он делает встрещена с resentment rather than хохотом.
Но правдой будет… ванта одним из самых пристойных людей, котор я знаю. Он как раз делает horrible работу сопрягать его тон голоса к заявлению, котор он делает.
Один из обозревать аспектов женщин разыгрыша будет тоном голоса. Sure, there is some focus on tonality… but much of what has been written about it relates to making you sound more alpha and loud. There is very little written about doing a reality check on yourself in regards to how other people perceive you.
I experienced this battle first hand when I really started implementing cocky funny humor into my game. I would go out armed with quick witted responses to standard situations… but instead of getting laughs I was getting eyes rolled at me. I had a very dry sarcastic tone of voice that went over most girls’ heads. And I don’t believe it was the content of my jokes… it was my delivery.
Controlling your tone of voice can be as simple as the way you end a sentence.
Take this sentence for example:
“So you work as a bartender?”
That sentence can have many different meaning depending on how you state the question. If you’re not
careful, that simple question… could be perceived as an insult on the career of the recipient.
If you’re asking a question… you need to make sure you question doesn’t come off as a judgment.
I remember a conversation that “unlikeable” friend and I were having with a girl who had just published a book of poems. My friend simply asked her, “What made you want to write poetry?” The girl later came up to me and asked me, “Why does your friend think he’s better than everyone?”
The most ironic thing is that my friend has no clue that he comes off this way to people. He is inquisitive and likes to ask questions… and walks away from most conversations thinking he made a new friend.
There is no simple advice that I can give you on how to always project yourself the right away. The only real way you’ll know how people perceive you is to ask your friends for honest feedback. If you are having this problem your friends are probably waiting for the right opportunity to expose it to you. Give them that opportunity by asking for the feedback. Even though the truth can be cruel sometimes… you’re a lot better off recognizing this failure, and making the necessary corrections.
When I realized that my cocky funny humor was coming off more arrogant than funny… I took two steps that made a world of difference in improving my game.
- I started really paying attention to how my more successful friends were conveying their cocky/funny sense of humor.
- I brought a digital voice recorder out with me for several weeks and listened to myself later and really paid attention to how I was coming across.
The main thing that I noticed was that my more successful friends were giving off playful vibe with their tone of voice… similar to Vince Vaughn. My tone of voice was more dryly sarcastic… similar to David Spade.
Eventually I’m going to write a whole post on the art of sarcasm… but for now all I want to say is that the
less you know a person… the more likely your sarcasm will be taken the wrong way.
If this is an area that you’re having problems with the best advice I can give you is to experiment with the tonality of your voice and the projections of your sentences. Make mental notes of what is working and what isn’t, and then adjust your style to match the more successful approaches.
If you really want to perfect this I suggest taking out a voice recorder w/microphone and listening to your conversations later. This will not only help you improve your tonality… but it will also give you a clearer indication of what is and isn’t working in your game.
And if you’re still unsure what constitutes cocky/funny as opposed to arrogant… you need to reread Double Your Dating. Cocky/funny is a wonderful tool… if used correctly.
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August 16, 2008
hey, nice article. but it would be good to bring some voice examples. u’ve already recorded your voice, then please upload some examples. thank you
August 16, 2008
Alot of guys come off arrogant instead of playful (especially myself). You either have to learn to change how you speak, or just use less sarcasm and negs.
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August 17, 2008
I think this article makes some great points. A recent survey showed that 80% of people thought that they were above-average in intelligence and 75% thought that they were above-average drivers- both being logically and mathematically impossible. Perhaps it is the need to idealize or blow up one part of ourselves to compensate for another perceived flaw that causes us to make these unrealistic images of our own abilities? Regardless of where it comes from or why we believe such falsehoods about ourselves, this article expresses this theme wisely in that many of us do not want to see our blind spots and that one of them may indeed be the negative and unrealized ways that we are being perceived. Hey, if you are getting the results you want then so be it, but if you are not getting what you want in a certain area it may indeed be a good idea to get an outside eye or a coach to help you see what you don’t see and know what you don’t know. Or to just meditate/pray on it and you will attract the wisdom that you need into your life. I always say that if you are being perceived a certain way and people don’t like it because of their own insecurites or issues, then so be it- that is their issue, but if you are acting a certain way thinking that people are seeing it a certain way and they are not, then it is probably best to open to truth as the article states.
August 18, 2008
Suddenly all of us advocates of Cocky-Funny and negging are feeling nervous! Perhaps we’ve turned into jerks and no-one tells us!
One thing I know from experience is. Girls don’t have to LIKE you to be ATTRACTED to you. You can build ‘like’ into the comfort phase, once you’ve got some attraction. But C&F/Negs WILL help build attraction in many cases even if you make her mad!
One side-issue here is - if you are having perceived success then so called ‘friends’ may tell you, you are acting like a jerk when in fact they just fear the change in you and are feeling insecure. Its a fine line between self-belief and self-delusion
I think C&F best suits those people who are, by *nature*, one of life’s ‘nice guys’ - perhaps a bit *too* nice (i.e. beta-male), hence their AFC-like lack of success, except for a free pass into the “Lets Just Be Friends” Zone.
For those people, making an effort to be arrogant/cocky actually works well because its offset by your naturally friendly/giving nature which will always come through - the incongruence between your natural/unconscious ‘nice’ vibe and the unnatural/applied ‘cockiness’ will actually appeal to the girl in most cases and provide the ‘funny’ part of cocky/funny. Also, slowing down speech and putting more ‘playful’ stress on words and phrasing can make insults less, well, insulting and more entertaining. E.g. “Thats … because … they’re too … TIGHT, WOMAN!’
And of course, offsetting all the ‘push’ with the occassional ‘pull’ (compliment/hug/etc where deserved) diffuses things well and provides her with the ‘relief’ from the ‘tension’.
At least it seems to work for me. In 75% of cases - there is of course the odd little bit of ‘collateral damage’ for girls who don’t ‘get’ it - but that just means we’re not suited, right?
Either that or they all think I’m a jerk and just haven’t told me …