What happens when your crutch no longer holds you up?
There are things in our lives that make us feel good about all the shit going on around us. These things can come in a variety of forms. For some people its drugs or alcohol. For others its sports or exercise. Some people get their fix from video games or their dvd collection, for some guys its sex with random girls… concerts… traveling… music…
I’m talking about that one thing that always manages to lift your spirit and lets you escape the mundane…
But what happens when it stops working?
When the booze makes you tired instead of happy, the sex bores you, the video games don’t hold your attention… the music stops moving you?
Do you beat a dead horse?
Do you try to rekindle the old spark?
Or do you completely turn the page and start a new chapter?
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August 18, 2008
Interesting thoughts Bobby, one key to keep in mind when it comes to those aforementioned aspects of life, its important to enjoy them in moderation. To keep a balance between that grey blurred line of use/abuse or Independence/dependence.
The term ‘crutch’ automatically brings to mind the idea of some kind of handicap, but the majority of what you listed, can be handled the right way and allow for them to still retain their place in life. I know I have, like most guys on TSB, have gone through their share of wanting to live the “rock star/golden god” scenarios growing up aka benders. Wanting to take the ‘path of excess leads to the tower of wisdom’ but end up waking up the next day wondering what the hell happened.
Then again at times, I figured all these leisural distractions simply where just holding me back from really conquering my goals and would brashly swear them off completely, cold turkey. “If I wasn’t wasting all my time doing THIS, I could really be applying myself in an area of my life I want to grow in.” But this too at times seemed to drain my life off some of its more enjoyable if not more enlightening moments. Others parts of life would lose their luster a little, I would not be living the lifestyle I grew up believing is the most fulfilling.
I know one idea shared in the community is that one should be dependant and strong. Don’t go into a relationship trying to fill in a part of your self, to make up for something you are lacking. Its understandable and I could see how in the end, it could routine any relationship, especially if the guy ends up coming off uber-weak.
So I guess its a balance one has to find for themselves. A balance like a good diet or exercise program than needs fairly constant critiquing and correcting, which sounds hard if not humanly possible all the time. Damn my constant indulgent Id, you’ve held me back so much in life.
Keep up the great site and hope the DR goes amazing. Should make for a great podcast.
August 18, 2008
That actually happened to me. I simply had no interest in going out much, or doing much. I didn’t have any joy anymore. AFC Adam called me up and gave me some of the best advice ever. Enjoy life by being friendly with everyone.
The alcohol crutch has no bearing when you’re being friendly. You have no reason to procrastinate if you’re having fun. You have fun by enjoying life, and finding a way to enjoy life.
And Psych from the South Florida Lair also had some good advice about this topic. Maybe he’ll be able to post here too.
Recent Words from Stealth..Awesome video and song
August 18, 2008
I think that with anybody’s personal crutch (not just pertaining to pick-up), the best way is to just move on. Find something new that will really make you happy, not just another quick fix. Take a nerdy AFC for example. Do you really think they want to be playing World of Warcraft? Hell no! I’m sure that any one of them would rather be out having sex with a girl but because its too “hard” to change they resort back to immersing themselves in another reality so they don’t have to deal with their problems. Same goes for alcoholics, druggies, people just having one night stands, etc. It so much easier to get your quick fix rather than moving on to something new and and more exciting.
August 18, 2008
@Zeo Not sure if you’ve played World of Warcraft, but if you haven’t for the love of god don’t. It’s better then sex…
August 18, 2008
Wow, that was really deep Bobby. It got me thinking for a while…
Recent Words from Spyda..EC - Uncerainties III
August 18, 2008
This is something I’m struggling with right now. Like most people I started with trying out lines and routines and then through some successes as a result, I got some more confidence and improved my body, appearance and dress and attitude.
But my biggest crutch is actually routine stacks. I’m sure I’m not alone.
Trouble is they are like taking a hit from a crack pipe, because in the right situation and with the right vibe they can be like a nuclear warhead that can escalate to a x-close in a matter of just 2-3 hours. And I feel a bit ‘naked’ without them. I kind of got addicted to ‘preparing’ or revising a stack before I go out before I can get the vibe I need to get my ‘mojo’ working - not exactly spontaneous.
Funny thing is 12months or so immersed in this community means I *DO* get some success even without my stacks when I’m just out and about *without* ‘preparation’ - albeit a bit hit and miss. I just can’t fully work out how I’m different than in my AFC days without my stacks - and that makes me feel uncomfortable that without them I’m going to regress.
If I had to say one thing that’s changed in me without the routines? Body Language and physical looks/fitness. I’m coming to the conclusion that looks, appearence and body language actually have the single biggest impact on attractiveness to a woman ..?
August 20, 2008
the moment i start to feel burned out on an activity that is normally pleasurable i try to put it down for a while and do something different. i may stop for two days, two months, or two years… whatever it takes.
sex, drugs, booze, music, and movies are all things that have brought happiness to me but these same things also have the ability to make me sad ,angry, and turn my stomach inside out. moderation and a healthy balance of all the things you love is key. keep mixing it up.. be your own cat toy.
but suppose the thing you love that has lost its luster is also your career and a deep part of your identity. something you can’t really stop doing or don’t want to put down for a while. what then?
how do you find a “new love” for it?