» 13 Characteristics of Likable People.

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Michael Stoute here, and at your service. I am a writer/editor/lover and a fighter. My words are weapons of wisdom so watch out, you may learn something...or better yet, maybe you can teach me something! Have a question? Please try to leave it in the comments, it will get a faster response than an email. Otherwise, Email Me

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How to Get People to Like You

I haven’t posted anything by Sebastian Drake in awhile. He’s always been one of the most down to earth genuine coaches out there… and I thought that this list he sent out of likeable characterstics was worth sharing with all of you.

13 Characteristics of Likeable People by Sebastian Drake

1. Smiling - People who are at ease, confident, and happy tend to smile, and that smile puts people atSea Stars ease. Smiling shows that you’re pleased to see someone which can be really flattering. If you want to change one thing to come across more social, smile a big smile. Sometimes you will not feel in the mood to smile -however, if you choose to smile anyway you’ll still get the great results.

2. Eye contact – Maintaining eye contact when you talk to someone draws them deep into conversation with you – the rest of the world slows down, and you both become quite important to each other. It shows a calm confidence in what they are saying and it makes them even more engaging, almost hypnotic. A quick tip: Right eye to right eye. Look from your right eye to the right eye of the person you’re talking to. This strikes a great balance between good eye contact and not staring.

3. Touch – You’ll consistently see magnetic people reach out and touch others. Touching shows emotion and affection and brings you closer to other people. Humans crave physical contact with others, and more emotion and affection can be expressed through touch than any number of words ever could. Next time someone does or says something you really like, give them a high five, some “pound”, a playful punch on the arm or a big hug.

4. Not talking about yourself – Likable people typically are more curious to get to know other people and don’t talk about themselves as much. Likable people are always looking to find out more about the other person, what they are doing, and what interests them the most. Most people don’t feel heard – likable people know this, and encourage others to talk about what they really enjoy.

5. Not talking too much - Closely related to the above point.Likable people and high status people do not talk too much. Instead they encourage others to talk and to open up. People love to talk about their experiences and cool things they’ve done – when you become more curious and encourage them to speak more, they’ll actually like you more. If you catch yourself rambling for a while, an easy way to adjust is to say, “But that’s enough about me – what about you?”

6. Empathy – Making people feel understood, and striving to truly understand them is powerful. Everyone wants to be understood. People want to know that they are not alone in the world. If you can reach out to understand another person, you’ll instantly form a great connection with them. Next time someone tells you something heavy that you could have a long discussion on, instead try saying just “I understand.” You’ll be amazed at how uplifting it can make other people feel.

7. Not trying to impress – Somewhat accomplished people want everyone to know about the accomplishments they’ve made. Really amazing people are much more humble and low key about what they’ve done. The most impressive people never actively try to impress people. The result is that a man trying to impress communicates that he’s not impressive.

8. Showing praise and appreciation – Whenever you see anything you like in another person, let themDown To Earth know. If people aren’t used to you opening up, praising, and appreciating constantly, you might get a funny reaction at first. Once you’ve established that you’re constantly on the lookout for great things in others, people get used to feeling empowered around you. When you do mention something you really like, keep it casual. No big deal, no long talk. Just, “Hey, I really appreciate that you did that.” “I thought that was
really cool how you did that.”

9. Never criticizing, ever, for any reason – Likable people never criticize others. People universally hate criticism, and hate people that criticize them. Likable people always start off with genuine praise and appreciation before trying to give constructive feedback, and will only give this feedback rarely (because likable people understand that praise is a much better way to help people change than even constructive feedback, and criticizing is almost always useless).

10. Not trying to fix other peoples’ problems
– When someone tells you they have a problem, but doesn’t explicitly ask for your help, that means they do not want you to tell them how to solve it. They want to feel understood, cared about, and empowered. Over 90% of the time, people know the solutions to their own problems. If someone brings a minor problem to you, try listening, nodding, letting them know you understand, and you’re with them. Tell them you believe in them and you think they’ll sort it out. If they ask what you’d do, maybe make a quick suggestion but don’t drive the point really hard. As crazy as it sounds, most people do not tell others about their problems in order to get solutions; they want understanding, empathy, and reassurance. People are very strong and quite good at solving their own problems when believed in.

01711. Eliminate negativity - Never mentioning anything you don’t like. Especially never being down on culture-wide things outside of your direct control: So, not complaining about the government, pop culture, fashions you think are silly, activist groups you disagree with, and so on. Being positive is really good. Not talking about
things you dislike is even more important.

12. Never complain – When people complain, others feel slightly less inclined to be around them. It brings people down. If you don’t like something, you have two choices: Take action to fix it, or accept that it’s there. When you realize that, there’s no reason
to complain.

13. Never impose weakness on others
– Everyone feels down from time to time. The most charismatic people never “impose” that down feeling on others; instead, they’re a fort of strength for people around them. The more you stay composed, and refrain from showing being phased or flustered, the more you gain control over your life. People start to respect you more, and they feel they can rely on you.

You probably already do a lot of those – for a bonus, pick a couple more and start implementing. You’ll see quick improvements right away, and long term improvements down the line.

Thanks for reading stud, and go get ‘em,

Sebastian
Master the Vibe

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8 Responses to 13 Characteristics of Likable People.

  • Lance says:

    Good list, I hadn’t read that before. Wanted to add my two cents on a couple of items:
    1. Smiling: I’ve spent HOURS working on smiling, to the point where I spent time taking pictures of myself with various smiles. Seriously. A photogenic smile felt super awkward the first several zillion times I did it, so I never did it in real life, but now my smile looks nice and photographs well. If you make this one change it’ll go a long way. I can usually get people to open up to me based on this alone.

    2. Same deal with eye contact, I went through a stretch working on alpha eye contact and was surprised by the results. I’m better at communicating strength and sexiness with focused eye contact.

    3. Imposing weakness. This one is huge! This is the biggest difference between my AFC friends and my pimp friends. My pimp friends always exude positivity and “bring each other up,” while the AFC’s bag on each other and unconstructively point out the negative. No matter who you’re hanging out with, bring the positive and make people feel good.

    Recent Words from Lance..The Weekly: Honey Edition

  • Brad says:

    Although you don’t want to “force” your opinion on others… giving a GOOD tip is awesome as well….

    … something “underground” that no one knows… that they can get results from.

    Even if they didn’t ask for it (but it has to be good).

    Too many people are always on the “take”

    Recent Words from Brad..The Dirtiest Manipulation Technique That No One Talks About

  • Aaron says:

    Always be positive? So much for that “negging” we were all nursed up on…

  • Chase says:

    Aaron, do a websearch on ‘Mutual Value Escalation’ by Seb. I don’t have any links on the topic.

  • Sub5tance says:

    Aaron says: ‘Always be positive? So much for that “negging” we were all nursed up on…’

    If you’re downbeat and negative in your general vibe and you neg someone it may well fall a bit flat.

    But if you make the same neg and you are positive and upbeat in your vibe it will come across more like playful teasing.

    Girls like it.

    Here’s why:

    The other day my friend Mark negged me (AMOGging me) but because he’s a positive guy and I really like him it actually made me feel re-affirmed as his friend – and he is safe in the knowledge that he can bust my balls and we can laugh about it (and I can do that to him, too).

    By negging a girl while projecting a *positive* vibe the same thing is happening – you’re being ‘familiar’ with her like you would with a friend. Its this ‘being familiar’ vibe that makes the girl actually feel comfortable with you but at the same time want to chase you, because she subconsiously feels like you are sub-communicating that she is in your ‘friend zone’, like my *actual friend* Mark did, with me.

    Hope that makes some kind of sense …

  • Anonymous says:

    Wow, This Really opened my eyes. The Don’t try to solve other peoples problems I had no clue about until I read this, I have a hard time smiling even when I’m happy. Another one that got me was never imposing weakness onto others. People will ask me whats wrong and usually they know it too. So I tell them what’s wrong and it does kinda make a situation awkward.

  • Bro says:

    This really got me thinking. I don’t especially agree with all of them, but I just realized how annoying I can be in certain ways. I wish people were more honest…
    Thanks for the article though!

  • 2gnoME says:

    Great article! Here are some tips on how to have a likable personality:

    In a job interview you never want to complain, be cynical or exude negativity, but you do want to be likeable because interviewers will recruit people that they like. The same holds true at social events and the logic is simple; people are subconsciously drawn to those who have a likable personality.

    This holds true for your social life as well. One of the most important keys to living a happy, healthy and fulfilling life is having the ability to build meaningful relationships. Many factors influence the connections you have with others, but being a likable person is a key element.

    For more see our blog: http://bit.ly/OVebUn
    @2gnoME

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