6. Empathy - Begrepen maken van mensen voelen, en ernaar streven om hen echt te begrijpen zijn krachtig. Iedereen wil zich begrijpen. De mensen willen weten dat zij niet alleen in de wereld zijn. Als u kunt uit bereiken om een andere persoon te begrijpen, zult u onmiddellijk een grote verbinding met hen vormen. De volgende tijd iemand vertelt u zwaar iets dat u een lange bespreking kon hebben over, in plaats daarvan proberen zeggend enkel „ik begrijpt.“ U zal bij hoe worden verbaasd uplifting het andere mensen kan maken voelen.
7. Proberend niet indruk te maken op - De enigszins verwezenlijkte mensen willen iedereen weten over de verwezenlijkingen die zij hebben gemaakt. De werkelijk verbazende mensen zijn bescheidener en rustig over wat zij hebben gedaan. De indrukwekkendste mensen proberen nooit actief om op mensen indruk te maken. Het resultaat is dat een mens die probeert indruk te maken op meedeelt dat hij niet indrukwekkend is.
8. Het tonen van lof en appreciatie - Wanneer u om het even wat ziet houdt van u in een andere persoon, laat hen
weet het. If people aren’t used to you opening up, praising, and appreciating constantly, you might get a funny reaction at first. Once you’ve established that you’re constantly on the lookout for great things in others, people get used to feeling empowered around you. When you do mention something you really like, keep it casual. No big deal, no long talk. Just, “Hey, I really appreciate that you did that.” “I thought that was
really cool how you did that.”
9. Never criticizing, ever, for any reason - Likable people never criticize others. People universally hate criticism, and hate people that criticize them. Likable people always start off with genuine praise and appreciation before trying to give constructive feedback, and will only give this feedback rarely (because likable people understand that praise is a much better way to help people change than even constructive feedback, and criticizing is almost always useless).
10. Not trying to fix other peoples’ problems - When someone tells you they have a problem, but doesn’t explicitly ask for your help, that means they do not want you to tell them how to solve it. They want to feel understood, cared about, and empowered. Over 90% of the time, people know the solutions to their own problems. If someone brings a minor problem to you, try listening, nodding, letting them know you understand, and you’re with them. Tell them you believe in them and you think they’ll sort it out. If they ask what you’d do, maybe make a quick suggestion but don’t drive the point really hard. As crazy as it sounds, most people do not tell others about their problems in order to get solutions; they want understanding, empathy, and reassurance. People are very strong and quite good at solving their own problems when believed in.
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August 25, 2008
Good list, I hadn’t read that before. Wanted to add my two cents on a couple of items:
1. Smiling: I’ve spent HOURS working on smiling, to the point where I spent time taking pictures of myself with various smiles. Seriously. A photogenic smile felt super awkward the first several zillion times I did it, so I never did it in real life, but now my smile looks nice and photographs well. If you make this one change it’ll go a long way. I can usually get people to open up to me based on this alone.
2. Same deal with eye contact, I went through a stretch working on alpha eye contact and was surprised by the results. I’m better at communicating strength and sexiness with focused eye contact.
3. Imposing weakness. This one is huge! This is the biggest difference between my AFC friends and my pimp friends. My pimp friends always exude positivity and “bring each other up,” while the AFC’s bag on each other and unconstructively point out the negative. No matter who you’re hanging out with, bring the positive and make people feel good.
Recent Words from Lance..The Weekly: Honey Edition