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From Girl to Girlfriend – Making it Happen

By on December 1, 2008

So, you’ve perfected your game and have no trouble meeting women. But now you’ve met a girl you like more than the others, someone you want as a girlfriend  Well, darling, you’re screwed.  Because the skills that make you a great pick-up artist aren’t going to help you a damn bit when it comes to making her your girlfriend and giving that relationship a chance to work.

All of the things you’ve learned to get a woman’s attention, intrigue her, unsettle her, they’re useless to you now.  I’m not being judgmental here.  Hey, whatever works, just don’t be a jerk. If a routine makes you feel more confident when approaching women, go for it.  I just want to prepare you for the inevitable.  That routine stops working the minute you want more from her.

Now, I admit, I’m coming at this from a different, more “experienced” perspective. I’ve had a lot more experience with the opposite sex and dating than most of you (I am not going to put a number out there because A- that will make me look like a slut due to society’s double standard and B- it will actually depress the hell out of me to sit here and try to think of the number).  And I’ve learned a few things.Allow me to share.

5 Things You Should Do If You Want To Make A Girl Your Girlfriend:

  1. Show an interest in something that’s important to her. This means more than listening. It means acting on what you hear. Send her links to websites you think she’ll like. Buy her a book on a topic she cares about. This shouldn’t be a grand, romantic gesture – just a simple, “I listen to you and respect what you like”.
  2. Ask to meet her friends and introduce her to your friends (if you are not a part of the same social circle). This seems like a no-brainer, but a lot of guys wait until they are firmly settled into a relationship before taking this step. A girl will wonder, if he really likes me he would introduce me to his friends’.
  3. Share your honest feelings. Again, this sounds like a no-brainer, but note the word honest. This means saying, “I’m confused” when you’re confused, and “I’m not sure what I want” when you don’t know what you want. Women like confidence and security but will smell a fake before long.
  4. Ask her opinion about something important to you. It could be a work issue or something related to your future, but let her know you value her input.
  5. Tell her something you’ve learned from experience. Something real that can be confirmed and cross-referenced as she gets to know you better. For example, “I always thought I wanted to be a ______ until I interned at a _____ during college. Then I realized that that wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life.” Or, “I learned a lot about ______ from my grandfather.”



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About SINgle GIRL

SINgleGIRL is a writer in New York City. She is not a professional dater or a dating expert, just a 38 year old single girl who dates a lot. She shares her real stories and thoughts on sex and dating in her blog, Sex, Lies and Dating in the City.

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11 Comments

  1. Hammer

    December 1, 2008 at 6:45 pm

    There is nothing on this list that is mutually exclusive with being a pickup artist or having game. In fact, with the exception of the introducing to friends thing, I think that all of these tips are things that are staples in my game.

    Recent Words from Hammer..Men Are Simple

  2. lisaq

    December 2, 2008 at 6:52 am

    Great post SINgleGIRL! As you said, many things on your list seem like gimmes yet are overlooked. I think it’s a great reminder of the basics of building a relationship.

  3. Jill Summit

    December 2, 2008 at 4:44 pm

    I really enjoyed reading this post because as lisaq says above, they are truly things that are a given, yet so often overlooked. In particular, I think #2 is a key point that when overlooked, for many women is a deal breaker.

    As you said, routines only go so far… Getting a woman (or girl as you phrase it) in bed is one thing, but keeping her around for the long-term…. that’s another ball game!

    • SINgleGIRL

      December 2, 2008 at 5:23 pm

      Thanks Jill and lisaq. You know, when I was writing this I was thinking that these tips might be too basic. Then I thought about it some more and the reality is that I know (and have dated) a lot of otherwise smart guys who didn’t know this stuff.

      Now, whether or not the guys out there are ready to man up and take this advice, that’s another story.

      Recent Words from SINgleGIRL..A Little Self Promotion (Just a Little)

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  5. Stevenson

    December 13, 2008 at 8:32 pm

    This is a little off , for a guy to introduce a girl to his friends is almost jail bait. She could gain an attraction to one of his friends and before he knows it he is the portal for her to get what she “thinks” is a better guy.

    • SINgleGIRL

      December 15, 2008 at 2:11 pm

      Stevenson,
      That comment makes you sound awfully insecure. If you like a woman and you want to make her your gf, you need to be able to trust that she likes you back. Not trusting her is about your own insecurity, not anything she may or may not do.

      Now, if you honestly feel like the woman you are dating is not trustworthy, why would you want to make her your girlfriend? That’s not very smart.

      Recent Words from SINgleGIRL..Someone Likes Me. He Really Likes Me.

      • MikeStoute

        December 15, 2008 at 3:16 pm

        Stevenson,

        That is the exact attitude that will get your girl to leave you. By you showing those actions, she will see you are jealous and worried, which will come off like you are not confident enough to be with a woman like her.

        I always give trust first, if she gives you a reason to NOT trust her, take it from there.

        :)

  6. Pingback: #1 – Don’t Stare at My Boobs | Sex, Lies & Dating in the City

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