» She’s Just Not That Into You

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I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. You'll know more about me on . I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

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She’s Playing You, Homie…

This weekend I saw the movie He’s Just Not That Into You. The movie, which is based on a book of the same name, simplifies the whole dating process. The entire premise of the movie is that either someone is into you, or they’re not. And their actions speak a whole lot more than their words.

While the book was marketed to, and devoured by women out there, the principles behind the book apply just as equally to men. As men, the more we are into a woman, the more we allow ourselves to rationalize her flaky, rude, or indifferent behavior.

The book contains about 11 rules to know whether or not a man is into a woman. While pretty much all the rules can just as easily be applied to telling whether a woman is into you… I am going to focus on the five most common.

She’s Just Not That Into You If She’s Not Calling You…

If a woman wants to see you she will return your calls. She will answers your texts quickly. And she will generally make herself available to you.

When we’re into a girl we try to rationalize her not calling every way we possibly can. We convince ourselves she didn’t get the message. We wonder if maybe she lost her phone. Or she’s out of town. Or maybe she did call back BUT our phone is broken…

Or worse, we start to over analyze and we convince ourselves that she’s “playing the game.”

I’m going to break it down for you very simply. We know the game. We’ve read the websites, ebooks, and listened to the audio programs… and when we like a girl, most of the time we can’t help ourselves to call.

Yes, the experienced girls might wait a few hours, or even a day to call back… but if she hasn’t called you back in over a day, she isn’t calling. If you call her and she sends you a text back that says “whats up” she’s not into you.

She’s Not Into You If She Won’t Go Out With You…

DramaIf a woman wants to get to know you better, she will make time to see you. PERIOD.

If you’ve asked a girl to hang out on several occasions and she always tends to be busy with work, school, or says something like “I’ve got a lot going on this week, maybe next week”… toss her number away she isn’t into you.

It is very simple. If a woman really has something important to do, or is really busy she will suggest another date immediately. She’ll suggest the soonest possible day she’s available. If a girl really likes you she is not going to risk losing you…

She’s Not Into You If She’s Not Dating You…

If you’ve been seeing a girl for awhile but she doesn’t want thing to “get serious” because she’s busy, or not ready for a relationship, or just getting over someone… What this really means is that she’s doesn’t want a relationship with you.

If a woman is into you she is going to want to tie you up. She will want to make sure you’re hers. She will not be fine with you dating other girls. She will want something exclusive. She won’t want you sleeping with anyone else, and she’ll lose her desire to sleep with other men. If she’s not pushing for exclusivity now… she won’t be pushing for it with you in three months from now.

Trust me, the same woman who strings you along saying “I’m not ready for a relationship” will be practically married to a different guy a few months after you end it.

She’s Just Not That Into You If She’s Not Having Sex With You…

kiss...A year or so after a my ex girlfriend Beth broke up with me, she started calling again. I was happy because I thought I won her back. The first night we hung out we had sex. But that was the last time we had sex.

After that time she kept saying “I want to take it slow,” or “Lets not rush things.” After a month of hanging out without sex I got curious as to why she even started calling me again. I asked a few friends, and quickly found out that she had just caught her current boyfriend cheating. I was her comfort pillow. I was the guy who was there to make her feel better about losing the guy she really wanted to be fucking.

If a girl is into you… she’ll have sex with you. Lots of sex. If she’s avoiding sex (especially after you’ve already had it before) its because she’d rather be fucking someone else. PERIOD.

She’s Just Not That Into You If She’s Breaking Up With You..

This one seems obvious on the surface. But faced with the breakup, how many of us get “the sickness” and convince ourselves that we have to do everything possible to get her back.

I know that the two times I’ve been on the losing end of a breakup I convinced myself it was me, that I had to prove my love, that I did something wrong… And I quickly learned that the more you try to prove your love to them… the more you drive them away.

Sure, with proper training you can get her back… but if she was that into you in the first place she wouldn’t have left.

There are too many girls out there who will genuinely be interested and into you to waste your time with girls who repeatedly blow you off, hold out on sex, refuse to get serious, or avoid seeing you.

And yes, one of your buddies will always have a story about some guy who called a girl twenty times before she agreed to go out with him… and now they’re married.  But remember, those are the exceptions, not the rules.

==> Now, how to tell if she IS into you

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5 Responses to She’s Just Not That Into You

  • TipsGoda says:

    theres a guy who keep on trying my girl..he should READ THIS!

  • Infinity says:

    I don’t know how I feel about this. Are we really this dumb that we can’t see these signs? The same excuses men make as to why we can’t do something are very similar to the same excuses men make as to why something doesn’t work out.

    In both cases we need to get rid of the excuses and take it for what it is. If you are not getting the results you want (not getting call backs, not dating, not having sex, etc.) logic tells that it’s just not going to work out. BUT there are exceptions. But just because there are exceptions, it doesn’t make YOU the exception. You have a better chance getting a four of a kind in poker.

    Don’t waste your time trying to be the exception. If you focus being “the rule” and not “the exception” you will get better results.

    That kind of logic doesn’t require a book or movie.

  • The only thing gayer then the TV Bro-Mance is guys who go to see He’s Not That Into You

  • lisaq says:

    Nicely done. It’s interesting to read this from the male perspective as we tend to think that women are the only ones who obsess like this.

    That being said, I hate the book and the movie for the very reasons Infinity cited. Now those women out there already obsessing and watching the phone waiting for it to ring, will be obsessing over becoming the exception rather than the rule.

    Yes, as I said, we all know these things. The problem is we don’t always acknowledge them causing us to really f*ck things up.

  • Jill Summit says:

    I personally loved both the book and movie. I thought they were hilarious. It’s not as if every time you meet someone you become obsessed, but we have all had moments where we lose our heads over someone that is ‘just not that into us’.

    Sure, it is common sense and when giving your girl or guy friends advice, it is easy as pie.

    On the other hand, it is ironic that when the tables are turned, our judgement tends to get a little cloudy and somehow the human mind can rationalize the irrational.

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