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If you’ve been out on the town for any length of time you are bound to have had the phrase muttered “I have a boyfriend” by some girl you’ve been talking to.
I remember for many years this phrase used to be a game killer for me. Not only would I immediately retreat from the girl I was talking too, but with my confidence shattered, I would usually spend the rest of the night on the sidelines.
There are several reasons why guys seem to get so affected by this phrase. The first reason is that they immediately equate the phrase with some form of rejection. The second reason is that guys feel like they are wasting their time talking to a woman in a relationship. And the third reason we tend to hate this phrase so much is because we feel a tinge of guilt for hitting on another man’s woman.
It wasn’t until I began to have close relationships with several female friends that I began to see the fallacy in all three of these reasons. It was through my many conversations with them, along with my observations of the way they acted towards the various men that were approaching them, that I began to really understand the misguided power that phrase contains.
Let’s first examine the three REAL reasons a woman will tell you that she has a boyfriend.
- She wants you to go away.
- She is starting to feel attraction towards you and wants to break the state.
- She is letting you know that if you proceed there must be discretion.
Before I get into each of these reasons I first want to address the concern of “what if she does have a boyfriend?”
A little known fact
Here is a fact that you are going to have to come to grips with. The fact is, at any given time, almost every attractive woman has at least one guy she is currently involved with. The level of intensity of the relationship will vary from woman to woman… but you can be sure that there is at least one other guy in the picture at the moment.
So you are almost always being judged against another guy.
Let’s get something else straight. Just because a woman has a boyfriend does not mean you are forbidden to talk to her. While I do not advocate actively trying to steal other men’s girlfriends, there is no guarantee that the woman is in a happy relationship, or she isn’t already looking for a reason to end it.
And there is also no rule that says two human beings can’t have a genuinely fun and exciting conversation just because one of them is currently in a relationship.
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Good solid advice to approaching this obstacle Bobby. It’s something every guy encounters in game at some point. So knowing how to deal with it when it comes along is important. I find that just being completely indifferent to the phrase works well, I’ve pulled out a few ‘good for you’s’ and ‘I’m happy for you’ with a stone cold look on my face! But Bobby’s right using the cocky funny, perfect response.
[...] What if she says, I have a boyfriend? [TSB Magazine] [...]
I get this all the time, I mean ALL THE TIME and I have never had found a good way to reframe it….
respond with “oh i got 3 kids” or “i got 2 boyfriends sweetheart and mine are alot cuter than yours.
It’s like I always say: “Just because there is a goalie, doesn’t mean you can’t score”
I pretend to look shocked and say “You’re heterosexual?” I go on to tell her I thought she would be able to relate having women hit on her all the time. As the conversation goes on, I will bring up that I don’t believe her, ask her if she’s actually bi. If she says no, then I ask her if she’s ever kissed a woman. Some blush and look guilty when they say yes.
Does anyone really have any good reframes where I will not get slapped less than two or three times a night?…lol…
You need to read I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max. Plenty of such situations in that book. I learned to say something like “so there’s no chance of us fucking tonight?” if she’s not that hot or is a prude that wants you to leave. Saying something like that puts you on the offensive and will never sideline you for the night. If you really want to play homewrecker and she seems insecure go ahead and target that insecurity. Way i see it if a girl is at a bar and pulls that line, they’re just teases and deserved to be made fun of.