About the Author
Throughout high school and into my first semester of college I was absolutely paralyzed by my fear of talking to beautiful women.
The minute I sensed an interaction coming, I would tense up, my mouth would dry, my voice would crack, and I would feel my body visibly shaking.
I began to fear this reaction so much that I completely avoided talking with any women. Heck, even merely thinking about approaching a woman brought about this paralyzing reaction.
As I became determined to get better with women I thought the solution was to completely eliminate this nervousness and fear. I tried various forms of affirmations, nlp, self hypnosis, and visualizations. But none of this seemed to work. In fact, the only thing that ever provided me the courage to chat up a woman was drinking… lots of drinking.
Unfortunately, while drinking gave me the courage to approach, by the time that courage arrived, I had lost most of my ability to hold a conversation without making a complete jackass out of myself.
I knew there had to be a better way…
The Energy of an Audience
Around the same time I was battling this approach anxiety with women, I was quickly conquering a lifelong “stage fright” I had about performing in front of large groups of people.
I was in a fraternity at college, and we routinely performed a homecoming skit in front of an audience containing several thousand people every year. Our skit had a long reputation as being the “show stealer” and we always had a pressure to perform. (Until Montclair State banned us from campus for one our skits)
I came to realize something after performing a major role in two of the skits. The realization was that on game day, in front of the 
thousands of people, with all the pressure on… we actually performed at a much higher level.
Yes, the actual performance ALWAYS came off many times better than our rehearsals that we did in private.
This is not a phenomenon isolated to us… in fact; musicians, actors, public speakers, and athletes often talk about “Game Day Performance” always out performing their practice sessions.
These same musicians, actors, public speakers, and athletes routinely talk about how the pressure elevates them to a higher level, and how the fear turns into an adrenaline rush that ignites an almost zen like state. And how they feed off the energy of the crowd.
During my times performing in front of thousands of people at MSU I came to understand what they meant by that.
Feeding off the energy of a woman
It was also during the same period that I came to realize something else in regards to nervousness with women:
If you completely lose your nervousness around a woman, you also lose the sexual tension, the excitement, the desire to perform, and a bit of your mojo.
Yes, after clawing and fighting my way into several relationships during college, I quickly learned that once that nervousness around a woman fades, so does my excitement to interact with her. And not only does my excitement diminish… but so does my performance.
When there is no pressure, no fear, and no nervousness… I find that I am much less often “on.” My jokes aren’t as funny. I am much less charismatic. And the sexual tension is completely zapped from the room.
You here the same story from the athletes, musicians, and public speakers. Many of them will declare how once they become too comfortable… their performance diminishes. It loses the spark that harbored all the passion and energy.
Once again Mr. Rio, a great post. Very insightful.
[...] Turn Your Nervousness Around Women into Sexual Electricity [TSB Magazine] [...]