No Boys Allowed: Ball-Less Baseball Comes to NY

In the Wappingers Falls area of northern New York this Tuesday and looking to pick up some sports-loving ladies? Then head over to Dutchess Stadium, home of your Single-A Hudson Valley Renegades! The team – a Tampa Bay Rays affiliate, by the way – is holding a “Ladies Night” in the literal sense, only allowing those without the dreaded penis appendage into the stadium. From the Renegades official website:

On this evening, all men will be greeted in their own separate zone outside the gates, with only female fans permitted inside until the game is official at the 5th inning mark .

So you got two options here, fellas: Either hang out in the parking lot, wait until that 5^th inning comes around, opening the gates for you and your fellow hornballs to run into an actual stadium full of nothing but women. Or, and this is obviously the better option, get your way in ahead of time “Ladybugs”-style!

I guess there is technically a third option, which is to get a job at the ballpark and be willing to dress in “full female attire”.

In an attempt to either not break (or at least blur) the gender barrier, all male Renegades employees will be dressed in full female attire. Ex Yankee pitcher, and current Renegades Director of Concessions, Joe Ausanio, has made a living using his arm. ?After this night, however, the Renegades fear he will be known for his legs. Gades head groundskeeper, Tom “Hubby” Hubmaster, ?not often known for his svelte physique or runway duds, will fill out a moo-moo better than Roseanne ever could, a sight you simply cannot afford to miss.

Hooray for tranny hot dog vendors!

In any case, don’t expect something like this to happen again anytime soon. No doubt that litigious jerk Alfred G. Rava is going to do his best to stand up for us males. Just because we have schlongs, doesn’t mean we should be ignored!