I get a lot of questions from guys wondering what went wrong on their first date.
Usually, leading up to the first date, these guys are pumped and excited for the day to come. I get to hear about how everything went right when they approached her in the bar. I get to hear how smoothly they asked for her number. And I get the juicy details of the first phone call.
But then an odd thing happens.
These same guys rarely follow up with an exciting story of how they pulled the woman into the bathroom for a quickie on the first date, or even a story of a good date ending with a simple kiss.
It seems a good deal of the first dates I hear about are more often train wrecks that I twinge just hearing about.
After hearing hundreds of first date horror stories, I’ve come to realize that there are 7 big mistakes that most men make on their first date.
MISTAKE #1: Spending too much time on the phone with the girl before the actual date
Have you ever found yourself on a two hour phone conversation with a girl you’ve still haven’t met up with? At the time you were probably thinking how much of a connection the two of you had… imaging how great the actual date would be when you had a chance to connect in person.
It usually didn’t wind up that way, right?
What often happens is a guy winds up telling a woman his entire life story before he actually meets her. This ruins the first date on several levels. First, he’s already had his first date conversation over the phone, so now he’s often stuck for things to talk about. Second, he’s given away most the mystery about himself, leaving himself very little to “reveal” to the girl over the course of the date. And third, since most guys don’t have great phone skills, he’ll actually lose her interest before he ever even shows up for the date…
From now on, keep your pre-date phone conversations to the bare minimum. Or brush on your phone game:
MISTAKE #2: Calling it a “date” and building up the event too much in his mind
For some reasons most guys are still stuck on the notion that their first date with a woman needs to be an elaborate night out to a fancy dinner.
The man winds up telling the woman “I want to take you out.” And from that very moment, has set high expectations for the date. And he has also placed himself in the role of the pursuer.
What is so defeating about this idea of asking her on a “date” is that is puts a large amount of pressure on the both of you.
It also puts her in a position where from the moment you pick her up, she is judging you, and already deciding whether or not she wants to “date” you.
From now on, keep the first date very casual. Instead of looking at it as date, simply view it as her joining you for some fun.
MISTAKE #3: Choosing the wrong kind of location for a first date
As mentioned previously, most men still wind up taking a woman to dinner on a first date. Next to the movies, dinner is probably the worst environment for a first date.
Dinner is way too formal. It places you on opposite ends of a table, and quite frankly, too closely resembles an interview process.
An ideal first date location should be something much more relaxed, an environment that lends itself to fun and flirtation. And no, I don’t mean a coffee shop. Coffee dates are just as bad as dinner dates.
Instead invite her to the mall to help you pick out a pair of shoes, or ask her to meet you for Happy Hour, or challenge her to game of billiards, or mini-golf, or take her to a museum.
MISTAKE #4: Treating a first date like a job interview
Have you ever had a really important job interview? You probably dressed really nice. You rehearsed your answered a hundred times. You went in to the room completely formal with your “hire me” mask on.
A date is not a job interview. So don’t treat it that way.
Don’t look at a date like you’re going into the corner office where the all-powerful woman is going to be judging your worthiness. When you do this, you wind up getting way too uptight and nervous. This will prevent you from relaxing and allowing your “true self” to shine through.
Nothing about a first date needs to be perfect. Everything about a first date needs to fun and relaxed.
MISTAKE #5: Interrogating a woman with questions
Since most men treat dates like job interviews, they wind up using it as an opportunity to find out every little piece of irrelevant details about a woman.
A man will spend the entire date learning:
What does she do for a living?
How many siblings does she have?
Where did she go to school?
Where did she grow up?
What does she do in her spare time?
Facts reveal very little about a woman. And they give even less information that a man can connect to.
If you wind up simply going back and forth with a woman learning irrelevant facts about each other, when the date ends, neither one of you will feel a strong desire to see the other person again. This is because you’ve invested nothing emotionally in the date.
Instead of discussing personal facts, stay in the moment with banter, or tell fun stories, or any of the other conversation tips I laid out in these posts:
MISTAKE 6: Not getting physical
Earlier I joked about pulling a woman into the bathroom for a quickie on the first date… this is a grossly exaggerated version of “getting physical.”
But the fact is, most men are so scared of offending a woman that they will not even initiate any physical contact. Physical contact can be anything such as lightly touching her elbow when you talk, putting your hand on her lower back as you guide her through a crowd, or even something as juvenile as thumb wrestling with her.
Remember, the main distinction between a woman you’re friends with, and woman you’re fucking… is the amount physical contact that takes place between the two of you.
This means that the sooner you initiate any sort of “touching” you begin to move yourself out of the friend zone and into the position of a sexual man.
From now on, make it a habit to begin lightly and innocently touching a woman the moment the date begins. This is one of the reasons that active dates like bowling, billiards, or mini-golf work so well… they allow touching to occur naturally.
Refresh with these articles on getting physical:
MISTAKE #7: Not flirting
The biggest problem that most men face with women is that they don’t understand the nature of flirting.
Since most men are in “interview mode” on a date, they seldom allow themselves to relax and begin some friendly banter with a woman.
Flirting breeds sexual tension.
Without flirting it is possible to get a woman to respect you, like you, and imagine you as a great boyfriend…. But it is impossible to build sexual tension without flirting.
If you’re unsure of how to flirt, read these articles:
If you simply make sure to avoid these 7 mistakes you’ll definitely see a significant increase in the number of second dates that you go on.