About the Author
No matter how deep a recession goes, there’s one industry you can always count on being profitable: The business of Death! People are always dying! And who are the ones dying at a rate quicker than most? The morbidly obese, because of their horrible diet! And no one’s more morbidly obese than fatty fat Americans! Which, reasonably, brings us to Goliath Casket, a family owned-and-operated business specializing in coffins for that special person in your life who may have had one too many Big Macs during their most likely short span on this planet.
The caskets come in three different styles, the Harvest, the Heartland, and the Homestead, their largest offering, which can accommodate a person up to 52 inches wide. Breaking that down for you at home, that’s nearly 4-and-a-half feet wide. Wee-Man from Jackass can lie down sideways and still have a few inches left over for comfort.
But why should you choose Goliath Casket for your double-wide casket needs? Besides they’re the only place that specializes in this kind of thing? Let the awkwardly-worded About Us page lure you in with the story of their origin:
IN THE BEGINNING
Back in the 70’s and 80’s oversize caskets were hard to get and poorly made. Special size caskets were made by hand, and without much regard to quality or integrity.
In 1985, Keith’s father, Forrest Davis, (Pee Wee) quit his job as a welder in a casket factory and said, “Boys, I’m gonna go home and build oversize caskets that you would be proud to put your mother in.”
Especially if your mom was Mama Cass.