About the Author

Rob Judge is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.

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Five things a neophyte playboy wishes he’d known during his college years

Back in college, my sexual exploits were painfully mediocre. An average weekend for me involved getting drunk with my buddies, meandering aimlessly around parties or bars, smooching a babe here or there, and maybe landing a girl in my bed once a semester (mostly carried on the wings of booze and luck). To the best of my knowledge, I cannot ever recall planning a date proper; although, I do remember the pangs of agony that came with the tantalizing crushes I’d get on girls I creepily watched from afar. These days, I pine for the prospect of going back in time to educate my collegiate self. However, until someone finally puts a time machine on the market, let my loss be your gain. Here are five lessons in macking I’ve learned in the 4 years since I graduated that apply to college game.

1. She’s just a girl

The myth of the hot girl is the ultimate illusion. But this “illusion” has nothing to do with the aesthetics of a woman’s beauty, but everything to do with how her beauty influences the world around her. To most guys, a hot woman is akin to a living goddess. Wherever hot girls go, velvet ropes part, men supplicate, and other women gawk. For a college girl in the prime of her beauty, she lives in this mythical dimension 24/7. These girls rarely get a reality check as their legions of courtiers constantly reinforce the illusion, making a college campus one of the most obvious examples of “living in the Matrix.” To be fair, it’s not even most college guys’ fault – they simply don’t know any better. I should know, considering I was one of “those guys.”

But if there’s one thing living and dating in New York City has taught me, it’s that these girls are really just girls. While this lesson sounds obvious, most guys don’t understand it. Most guys don’t understand these girls are waiting for someone to step up and acknowledge them as people, not myths. In college, if a guy can see past the illusion of a hot girl, it demonstrates knowledge way beyond his years – what one might call “maturity.” If I could go back today, I’d walk right up to every mega-babe that intimidated the fuck out of me and just chat her like the girl she is.

2. Shepherding the flock

College kids are an extremely indecisive demographic. If you think of the most cherished college past times, they all share a singular theme: they tell college kids what to do. Whether it’s pledging a frat, learning the latest drinking game, or taking a group trip to Cancun, college kids prefer to let other people dictate back to them the decisions they should make. Again, this isn’t necessarily bad, just the way it is. College years are supposed to be an indeterminate period where students try new things as they solidify their identity.

Although, by realizing college kids are sheep, it presents an opportunity to become a shepherd. Leaders are in high demand at college, so if a guy is willing to step up and start making confident decisions, people will follow. The only thing stopping the average college guy from manning up and taking charge is his inability to read the situation. Rob circa 2009 would have implored Rob 2005 to shepherd the flock by organizing parties, assembling a crack social circle, and becoming the proverbial big man on campus.

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