Sex and the Suburbs: Tumultuous Texting

Can you see how this can be oh so bad?!?! That chick is PISSED! Maybe you might?ve missed that sarcasm in her voice when she was agreeing with you. If you?re reading this thinking this wouldn?t happen to you, you?d be able to detect it, I?d say wake-up and get your sh*t together. Most girls won?t come out and say it, they?ll internalize it and hope you figure it out. Guess what? Chances are if you didn?t hear her say it, you probably won?t get it ? You probably won?t get her either for that matter. It happens all the time and it?s super annoying!

Here?s an even better one … This is verbatim from my phone. Hilarious for me ? Not so funny for him!

Scenario: I have my own business and a male client is coming over for a massage later in the day. I met him through friends so I already know him and our relationship is strictly a platonic relationship, but I?m not gonna lie, flirting is part of my charm! Anyway, the point is that you can never ever assume things from a text! Without going into too much detail, I text him to see if he can help me out getting some natural herbs and/or possibly pick some up for me. I know he is in possession of them. In fact, we spoke about this subject quite often ?

Me: ?Hey ________, listen ? that thing we discussed ?? I?m totally dry these days. Rough times ? do you know anyone or can you help out??

Him: ?I know the feeling. I?m not sure exactly what I can do, but I can surely help.?

Me: ?Awesome? keep me posted!?

Him: ?Wait … sorry to go down a different path, but that could mean a few things!?

Me: ?Huh?!? I am referring to the herbal tea we had last time?

Him: ?Umm sorry if I just made an ass of myself ??

He tries to then change the subject and make a recovery but hehe ?? he thought I was referring to something else you see ?

A second issue I have is with the annoying multiple message texter ? you ?know who you are!? Those are the people that send continuous nonsense texts. Those one-liners are the worst!? You?re not saying anything relevant and texts are coming in too fast to even respond to. It?s like diarrhea of the fingers ? my god! I try to respond and ::beep:: another text, wait I can?t respond fast enough ::beep:: there?s another ? anxiety, anxiety ?

And so it begins:

#1 ?Just sayin hi!?

#2 ?Long time no talk?

#3 ?Wut?s goin on?

#4 ?How have you been??

#5 ?Wut r u up 2 2day?

#6 ?By the way?? Gr8 pic on fb?

#7 ?So wut r u doin later???