About the Author
Question of the Week … brought to you by our friends over at Leftos.com:
Wow. If there ever was a question I can relate to… this is the question.
I struggled through many dates as the “stiff” “awkward” and “boring” guy.
I won’t even get into how scared I was to even begin to get remotely physical with a woman.
Yes, it took me a long time to figure out how to channel that relaxed, confident vibe I had with my friends… and be the same way on dates with women.
For a very long time I thought it was caused by lack of confidence or self esteem. So I read all the “inner game” books, listened to “self hypnosis” CDs, and said my affirmations before every date.
None of that worked.
It wasn’t until I owned up to the fact that I just didn’t know how to have a fun “date” conversation that I began to see improvement.
Nobody teaches us these things… so it’s really not our fault.
And the worst part is… the girl is looking for YOU to lead her. So if you set a boring, stiff, and “formal” vibe, she is going to follow right along with you.
This is why it is important for you to know exactly how to lead the conversation in a fun, playful manner, right from the start.
In my recent “How to Improve Your Conversation Skills” podcast I got really deep into the tactics and techniques for becoming a better “talker.” So in this article I want to focus primarily on having “date” conversations.
The Biggest Obstacles You Face on a Date
What makes “date conversation” so much tougher than normal “bar conversation?”
There are three big obstacles that you face coming into a date that you need to address immediately.
- The loss of (previous) rapport
- The high pressure atmosphere
- The trap of “interview mode”
Let’s talk about each of these individually.
The first thing that you experience when meet a girl for a date is loss of rapport. This happens because you have changed environments and are not adjusted to the new dynamics of the interaction.
This is especially true when you’ve met the girl at a bar.
But it is equally true if you’ve met her online, at work, school, or through friends.
When you’re placed in this “intimate” setting of a date it suddenly becomes painfully aware how little the two of you know each other.
The second obstacle that you face is the high pressure environment.
You and the girl are both so focused on “not screwing up” that neither of you are willing to take any chances or reveal anything that might “ruin it.”
The irony is… the more “safe” you play it on a date…the more boring and lifeless the date will turn out.
And what usually happens as a result of the first two obstacles… is that you get sucked into “interview mode” and find it nearly impossible to break it.
In the absence of rapport, and in the face of the high pressure, the natural thing for the both of you to do is begin asking each other questions.
And this just creates an endless loop of boredom, high pressure, and lack of rapport.
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Confidence is a very important aspect in the game of attraction.
[...] Outgoing with Friends…Shy on Dates? [TSB Magazine] [...]
A few drinks always helps.
Women want someone who will listen to them 90% of the time, tell them that you agree with them 80% of the time and the remaining time talk nice about children and family. You`re in.