» The Girl That Won’t Have Sex

by Bobby Rio on January 21, 2010

This next question is brought to us by our friends over at Leftos.com.


The girl who won’t sleep with you. It happens.

In fact, I waited a month to sleep with my current girlfriend. I’ll tell you why she made me wait and maybe that will help answer your question about how much time you should put in, and how you can get her to sleep with you. First question is “Why is she making you wait?” There are a couple of possible reasons:

1. She wants to make sure you’re not using her for sex

My girlfriend made me sweat it out for a month because one of her friends told her I was a player and that she should be careful. She was afraid of looking foolish if I was only out for sex. Because of this she held back for the first month to try and gauge my intentions with her. This could be the case with the girl you’re fooling around with.

2. She is not sure if she likes you

This is usually the case when a girl has another guy she is more interested in. For some reason, a lot of girls think as long as they don’t sleep with a guy it is OK to be seeing two guys at once. So a lot of times a girl will juggle two guys, only sleeping with the one she really likes. (In this case that isn’t you.)

3. She has mentally set a timetable for when she will sleep with you

You didn’t state the girl’s age. The younger she is the more likely that she feels that waiting three weeks is normal. In high school and college there are quite a few girls who would make you wait a few weeks before giving it up.

How you should handle it

The answer to this is sort of a personal decision but I will give you some suggestions.

1. Rinse, Wash, Repeat

Just keep going for it. Don’t talk about it. Just go for it. If she stops you, then stop. But if you continue fooling around, go for it again a little later on. Avoid talking about it. The more time you talk about it, the more she will mentally commit to holding out.

If you make her state “I’m not ready” then she’ll feel committed to waiting. However, if you just keep going for it without addressing it, you are likely to catch her at a moment of weakness where she is just too horny to resist.

Crossed fingers II2. Vaguely assure her you’re not sleeping with anyone else

This is a fine line because part of holding the power in a relationship is letting the woman assume you’re seeing other people, which subconsciously makes her fight for your attention. And I usually advise never revealing too much information early on in a relationship.

But sometimes it is necessary to give a woman some sense of security. This is especially the case if she has reason to believe you’re a player who might be using her for sex. Don’t come right out and say “I’m not sleeping with anyone else.” Let her come to the conclusion through her own wits. This way it is implied and you’re not making her any promises for the future.

3.   Freeze out

A “freeze out” is when you get really cold with a girl. This means you get distant and stop answering her calls so quickly. Maybe you don’t text her back right away. You’re not as available to hang out. This will put the pressure on her to make the decision to sleep with you. If she senses that she may lose you, she will be more willing to use sex to keep you.

Those are the best three techniques I know of. But what will work ultimately depends on her reason for withholding in the first place.

Hope that helps…


About the Author

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I’m Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. You’ll know more about me on . I tend to write about what is on my mind so you’ll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

See All Posts by Bobby Rio

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5 Responses to The Girl That Won’t Have Sex

  • Tony says:

    He said this girl gave him head the first time they hooked up, it sounds like there might be something else going here such as vagina warts or some type of std she might not be comfortable talking about this early in the relationship.

  • joe says:

    wait. so you’re getting daily BJs and you are complaining? that’s the best part. you just lay there

  • Wergel Creamer says:

    I have the same problem, she gives me head every day.

  • Steve says:

    I’ve been with my girlfriend i’m with for 5 months and we still haven’t had sex :(

  • Micah says:

    I have been friend zoned by this girl for 2 years and as luck would have it she blew me about a week ago. Now she feels guilty and won’t talk to me. Any way to re-initiate or is that ship sailed? I really wanna bone her, she is a 10 how I convinced her to blow me is a mystery haha.

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