Guys waste a lot of energy trying to attract women in ways that are either futile, or downright counter-productive. These are some of my favorites.
Clothes are important when attracting the opposite sex, but it’s different for men than it is for women. Women attract men by revealing their bodies through their clothes. But think about when men dress up – a suit and tie is not revealing. It’s more about the status and competence expressed through a nice suit. Women also get turned on when they see a man in workout clothes. It shows he’s fit, and focused. It takes focus to work out regularly, and I suspect it’s that committed focus that really turns a woman on when she sees a guy in sweats. I’ve picked up more women in my workout gear than in fancy clothes.
Here’s a list of ways guys fail at attracting women through fashion.
Ed Hardy/Affliction shirts: the trend is over. Women see this as Jersey-Shore-ish, and that’s a bad thing.
Sunglasses in the club: stop trying so hard and just smile and talk to people. Everyone is laughing at you.
Super tight muscle shirts: it’s not working. You look gay.
I work out 3-4 times a week for mental and physical health. Nothing improves my mood and makes me sharp like working out. I lift heavy weights, and do cardio. But I know too many guys who work out too much, for the wrong reason. I know from experience, and from talking to women, that they don’t like big muscles. Some do for sure, but what women actually prefer (and this is backed up by research) is a guy with a normal, slightly muscular body. Hmmm … maybe all those hours in the gym aren’t going to get the results you want.
Women are more interested in your mind. If you are super buff, women assume your mind is on your muscles, and not on your path in life, or on her. You look like a guy who is self-obsessed. And I’ve seen man a guy in the club, super-buff, standing there trying to show off their muscles, but not talking to anyone. In the meantime me and my woman are laughing at him.
Nothing says insecurity loud and clear like bragging. A girl I used to date told me she was at the bar when a guy offered to buy her a drink. As he got his wallet out, he told her he lost his “platinum card” the night before at another bar. As he gave the bartender another card, he volunteered to this girl, “But I’m not worried. Even if it was stolen, I doubt anyone could max out the $100,000 limit in one day.” The girl said she almost vomited in her mouth.
Women can tell when guys are bragging, because guys do it all the time as their default “game.” This means that most women have radar for bragging, and know what it really means. Guys think they are smooth and subtle, but trust me, bragging doesn’t work.
I never try to be funny. But women always tell me I’m hilarious. I notice that when I get a woman laughing, it’s when I’m being really honest, but not taking myself too seriously. Honesty plus humility is the formula for having a sense of humor. I point out funny things I notice, in a light way. I’m not cynical. I try to keep my mood light.
The best way to not be funny is by trying to be funny. You make people uncomfortable and convey insecurity. It’s better to get the woman to show you her sense of humor, and use your appreciation as the reason for your interest. If she feels like you like her for her personality, she’ll be more receptive sexually. For your part, just be honest and humble about your thoughts on life and the world. Never try to be funny or witty.
Talking About Other Women
Bragging about how many women want you, or all the hot girls you know is so transparent, it screams insecurity, and no one believes you. I talk about women I’ve known in the past to convey morality, high standards, and personal growth. I talk about women who wanted to sleep with me, but I didn’t do it because I didn’t feel right about it. I talk about women who treated me really well and how I had to learn to accept a woman’s love.
And I talk about mistakes I’ve made, and how I learned to be a better man from the women I’ve met. But I never brag, because having attractive women in your life is not a goal in itself. Having quality relationships, however, is.
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