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Three Mindsets For Dating Success

By on March 29, 2011

What You Need To Consider

What’s at the core of all your game? Where does it come from?

Lemme tell ya one word: “MIND-SET.”

That’s what controls all your thoughts, and actions, and plans for the future. It’s what determines your success or failure. The way you look at the world and how you see yourself as a man is EVERYTHING! It’s what gives you the strength to go out there and grab life by the balls. Or, if you have a crappy mindset it’s what holds you back and keeps you from enjoying your time on earth.

So how’s your mindset? Do you feel like you can take on the world? Or do you feel like it’s all just a big ball of shit that doesn’t even matter?

Well, here are 3 powerful mindsets that have helped me out a TON. With dating, and with life in general:

1. You Choose Your Own Identity

Borat knows to stay positive

Some people love to label others. They’ll take a group of people and assign identities to them. Rob’s the fat goofy guy, Steve’s the quiet nerdy guy, Tom’s the mellow stoner dude, and so forth. Hey, I’ll admit it, I’m guilty of doing this myself.

The problem occurs when people start internalizing the negative labels others put on them. If you’ve been labeled a certain way all your life, then it’s very easy to start believing that you ARE your label.

Let’s say for instance that you went to a high school where you got picked on all the time. Maybe they called you the “weird guy,” or the “loser guy,” or the “unpopular with chicks guy.” Over time, you may come to believe that you are a loser, or a nerd.

But, the truth is that you are so much more than any label. In fact, you can be anything that you want to be. The choice is COMPLETELY up to you. You are the only person who gets to choose how to define yourself. So, it’s a really good idea to pick a strong, awesome identity for yourself and keep it at the forefront of your mind so you don’t get confused by the other stupid labels others may try to put on you.

It may sound overly simplistic, but really… You get to choose who you want to be. Is there someone you admire? use them as a role model, and model yourself after them. There’s nothing wrong with that!

2. The Past Does NOT Dictate The Future

Another mental trap that I see a lot of people falling into is believing that their fate is somehow set in stone.

People love to make excuses for why they can’t succeed. And these excuses are usually rooted in their pasts. “I can’t get a good job because I never went to college.” “I can’t get a hot girlfriend because I’ve always sucked with women.” “I can’t approach a woman because the one time I tried I got laughed at.”

These are all examples of letting your past dictate your future. And you know what they say about excuses: “They’re like assholes, everybody’s got one and they all stink!”

So quit dwelling on your past and using it as an excuse. People grow and move on all the time. Ever heard of a rags-to-riches story? Look at Michael Jordan, he got cut from his high school basketball team. Did he let that defeat define his future?

3. The World Is A Friendly Place

Or, I should say, it CAN be, so long as YOU are friendly first.

I know a lot of people who DON’T believe that the world is friendly, and the reason is that they just aren’t friendly people themselves. They don’t go out of their way to talk to strangers or put a fun happy vibe out there.

Instead, they meet the world from a defensive attitude. If somebody bumps into them by accident they get upset. They always think somebody is out to take advantage of them. And the world echoes back whatever vibe you project.

A lot of times guys like this have trouble with women because they have trouble with the “friendly” vibe and as a result women aren’t very friendly back to them. They don’t realize that it’s okay to just have a friendly vibe with women when you first meet them. In fact, in most scenarios this actually works way better than doing some PUA stuff and spitting crazy game.

You don’t need to worry about getting stuck in the “friend zone” or anything like that. I’m not talking about being asexual. You can lead with friendliness and follow up with the sexual vibe. What you’ll find it that it’s actually really easy to go from “friendly time” to “sexy time!”

Learn more powerful mindsets and tactics that will change your game forever in Jake’s Online Dating Playbook.



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About Jake Vandenhoff

Jake Vandenhoff is a dating coach and author specializing in self-development and online dating. He offers an array of programs to help guys succeed with women naturally, without relying on outdated PUA tactics. His Online Dating Playbook offers step-by-step instructions for meeting girls online, and connecting with them authentically. Visit www.jakevandenhoff.com to claim a free copy of Jake's Online Dating Secrets eCourse.

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One Comment

  1. Preston Blain

    April 3, 2011 at 7:39 am

    I like all 3 points but the one that really sticks out is the second one. It’s amazing how you let the past dictate the future. I think that’s why so many people get that doomed feeling of being stuck in a rut and not knowing how to get out of it. I was in this position and felt like I was going around in circles. Once you realise that your past does not dictate the future then you can pretty much do what you want.

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