About the Author
Our college years are ones of self discovery and drunken regrets. We are on our own for the first time in our lives and have nobody to answer to but ourselves. While we’re learning about existentialism, the French Revolution and white blood cells’ functions in our classes, we’re learning much more about ourselves and our peers within the privacy of dingy dorm rooms and even dirtier apartments.
College is the supreme time to find out about women. What turns them on, what drives them away, and about that puzzling piece of anatomy between their legs. Here are ten things you should learn about girls in college before you make the transition to real life and real women.
Most Pick-Up Lines Don’t Work
“I’m Fred Flinstone and I’m here to make your bed rock.” Women hate lame pick-up lines. You will quickly discover this when you try to pick up that pretty blonde chick at your friend’s kegger with an awful one-liner. Try to abandon your love for pick-up lines your freshman year and you’ll be saving yourself a lot of pain.
The Clitoris is Your Best Friend
If you are only able to learn one thing about the female anatomy in college, make sure this is it. The clitoris is her hot button for pure, carnal pleasure. Find it, and you’ll be her new BFF in the bedroom.
Chivalry isn’t Dead
Despite the fact that most chicks will refer to themselves as “feminists” in college and be all about women’s rights, they’re still suckers for a dude who has manners. Learn how to open a door for her and she’ll instantly melt for you.
Keg Stands Are Not Attractive
Your guy friends may appreciate your ability to swallow a gushing flow of beer from a keg while standing on your head, but women will find this behavior atrocious. Plus, stale beer on your shirt doesn’t make for a great smelling cologne.
Romance = Getting Laid
If you woo a girl the right way, chances are she’ll drop those panties. Go all out with candles, a home cooked meal, flowers, and tons of compliments.
Women don’t want to undress you only to find that you’re back is covered by hair as thick as a shag rug. Be sure to get rid of that unsightly back hair before she runs her hands all over you.
Puppies go a Long Way
If you want to pick up a broad with little to no effort, invest in a cute and cuddly puppy. Take your new best friend for a walk around campus and the gals will come to you in droves.
Style, Style, Style
Women appreciate a man with style. Don’t wear ketchup stained shirts or jeans that smell like last night’s beer funnel session out in public. Be sure to groom a bit too.
Don’t Pull Too Many Coyote Uglies
We’ve all been there. We see a chick at a bar, think she’s hot, and take her home. The next morning, what we thought was Megan Fox turns out to be Rosie O’Donnell. You immediately make a b-line for the door while she’s still asleep. Girls talk, and word will get around about your romp-and-then-run.
Learn How to Fix Things
It’ll make you seem masculine and she’ll view you as a protector, which is hot.