Why Isn’t Every Guy Dating His Dream Girl?

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I could have just as easily titled this article, “Why Isn’t Every Guy Happy?” That’s because most guys aren’t dating their dream girl, and they’re certainly not happy. Instead, most men passively accept a mediocre existence.

Why stop at one?

Men let this happen for one reason: it’s easier. If you look at the decisions most men face on a day-to-day basis, easier usually rules. Couch or gym? Work hard or hardly work? Healthy or tasty? Go out or stay in? In the land of mediocrity, easier is king.

And when it comes to women, the stakes are even higher. Even guys who have great jobs, work hard, keep themselves in shape, and take the “high” road in every other regardstill often find themselves in relationships they’re not excited to be in. These men—while motivated in every aspect of their lives—take what they can get when it comes to women.

In fact, their excellence in other aspects of their lives actually makes it harder for them to pay the price necessary to attract and date the girls they really want. That’s because the price of that is more than just hard work. They also must pay with their pride.

Becoming a Rock Star

You learn when you study, but you become wise through experience. Indeed, every skill you possess came from those two universal teachers: study and experience. You don’t learn to play the guitar without studying chords, fingering, and songs. Just as important though, you also need to pick the guitar up and play it—you need to experience it.

To continue with this analogy, the first few times you play that guitar you’re going to suck. Even Jimi Hendrix probably sucked with the first few notes he “experienced” on guitar.

But luckily for every nascent rock star, you have the luxury of sucking in comfort and privacy. You can suck for hours, days, and even months, avoiding any set of ears other than your own. Then, when you can riff like Jimi, you reemerge into the world, ready to rock faces off.

Unfortunately, learning “dating skills” doesn’t work like that.

Professor Experience

When a men sets out to improve his dating success, he can’t hide behind comfort and privacy. While he can study alone, the other aspect of his learning—the experience—can only be found in the social realm. His education happens right there, in front of other people.

Every lesson necessary to become better with women can be found in public. Unfortunately, that makes learning the skill akin to picking up the guitar for the first time and trying to play in front of a roomful of people. You suck. You’re annoying. You embarrass yourself. People want you to stop.

People actually pressure you to stop. No one likes watching a “newbie” approach women just like no one likes listening to someone learn to play the F-chord on a cranked up electric guitar. But for the student, succumbing to that pressure means forfeiting your education.

Because let’s face it: the tuition for your education in dating is paid for in mistakes, humiliation, and embarrassment. You’re going to be creepy. You’re going to be weird. People aren’t going to like you. It’s the price you pay.

Even if you’re motivated, dedicated, and willing to make the hard decision in other aspects of your life, you’re still going to pay that price. You still have to make mistakes.

Hence Why Men Fail

And so, we come to our conclusion: men don’t date the women they want simply because men refuse to suck in public. Or men try to weasel their way out of their public shaming by privately studying every piece of dating advice, as they hide behind the safe confines of their home (e.g. keyboard jocks).

But safe confines will never provide the crucial corollary to their education: experience. Study all you want, without mistakes it’s useless. Learning and experience are the only way to learn any skill.

Men who are mediocre in life refuse to even endure the learning; men who are mediocre in dating refuse to endure the experience. What sort of man are you?

Date your dream girl.

Pay the price. Work hard and make mistakes.

>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.

About Rob J.

Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.

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11 Comments

  1. Brett

    October 14, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    I can tell you that for me its has not been for lack of trying.

    Any of my dream women I have approached or tried to date, I just was not able to hook up with them. I tried it all. I even bought your ebook and your Iphone app. Nothing has worked.

    Hot women can have any guy they want. I tried. I went after it time and time again and in the end I am still alone. So I truly question if every man is supposed to be with their dream woman. Perhaps its just Hollywood “pie in the sky”…..

  2. Brett

    October 14, 2011 at 9:47 pm

    I also want to add that “men do not want to suck in public” is just not true. I have plenty of friends (and myself) that go after women in bars, clubs, coffee places and you name it. We just all get shot down time after time.

    So do not slam guys. Its just not true. We do go after women. Maybe not all of us but we do.

  3. Brett

    October 16, 2011 at 2:39 am

    And it happened to me again tonight. I approached about 10 hot women at a party tonight and shot down on all 10 – so Rob what do you have to say now?

    • Rob Judge

      October 22, 2011 at 11:12 am

      You’re probably approaching girls in a way that still feel comfortable to you. Just because you “approached 10 hot women at a party” doesn’t mean you deserve any of those women. How much work have you done on yourself? How much have you pushed your comfort zone? How much time have you spent learning to become BETTER with hot women? The mere fact you’re bitching on this website like it’s MY fault that you’re getting shot down says a lot about how you’re probably approaching these women. Look for my next article; I wrote it with you in mind.

      Hope you get this handled.

      Rob

      • Brett

        October 26, 2011 at 7:41 pm

        Rob,

        You are a jerk. And not a fun one at that. Actually I think you are not that good. I bought your iphone app and your ebook and neither are really effective. Why would any one want to work with you? If I treated my pupils or students like that (I am a teacher) than I would either lose them or they would tell me to buzz off. It does not help.

        • TOM GURDA

          January 30, 2012 at 1:23 pm

          Hi Brett,
          That rob is an ass, i can’t believe his comments to you. he doesn’t sound like he even knows what he’s talki9ng about. Go to my site and reaqd through the first part (no9thing special there) but sign up (no cost) and you will get the best tips ever and it is so simple – you just have to practice what explain. It is important and it works – and i’m not charging a dime.
          best,
          tom

  4. Socialkenny

    October 16, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    Good-punch line point to this article Rob.

    Guys don’t wanna F up in where they can be seen.

    Eventhough I do some coaching nowadays,I still have a tinge of fear at approaching in public.

  5. tom gurda

    October 17, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    I agree that it’s a matter of choice – it’s that simple. And like this site started with – so much of it is in the face and I’m not talking about your looks either. It is your expression. Here are some actions, fate and happiness for you for free – in a “how to” format. The confidence you can build here is helpful in everything you do – and it’s Free. http://www.wheretopickupgirls.com
    FREE TIPS to MEET GIRLS

  6. TOM GURDA

    January 30, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    if you want easy to follow directions and something you can practice at home and when out anywhere – read all my stuff at http://www.wheretopickupgirls.com. The first page is nothing, – sign up for the rest for free and it will help you for sure if you practice the simple things required. It really is easy – you just need to practice. And I completely agree with Robs comment about work hard ande make mistakes. You definitely will fail a lot of times but probably not always for the reasins you think. He’s right on target about learning from mistakes, but you can avoid some of those mistakes and increase your odds signifcantly if you practice what i have on the top tips – for free. FREE TIPS to MEET GIRLS

    • Socialkenny

      January 30, 2012 at 7:06 pm

      Sounds good.Newbies could learn a lot from what you’re offering(unless there’s something there for the advanced PUA’s like me).

  7. wes

    August 10, 2013 at 11:00 am

    wow. thanks rob really great article

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