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See All Posts by Natasha Abrahams
It’s too easy to go for the extroverts – the women who will strike up a conversation with anyone, laugh loudly and bare so much skin that just looking gives you goosebumps. And because they’re so easy to chat too, confident women would have been approached by more guys than their quiet counterparts. In one sense, shy women are easier to flirt with because they haven’t heard it all before. It’s not often you’ll meet a conversationally challenged but attractive lady, but when you do, you’ll know how to get beneath her frosty exterior.
Be Friendly, Not Scary
Be careful with the shy ones
Shy people can feel intimidated if you’re too boisterous. If you tend to wave your arms about when you talk, you could scare her off as your gesticulating hands move into her personal space. As much as you want to appear fun to be around, if you come across as too intense she’ll write you off, thinking you’re just not compatible with her.
Open the conversation with a smile, but try to make it look friendly rather than like the malicious grin of a Halloween pumpkin. Modulate your voice so that it’s not too loud and doesn’t vary wildly in pitch, so you come across as comforting. Shy women will open up once they feel comfortable with you.
Mirror her Body Language
To put her at ease, try to copy her stance to a degree. If you come across as too confident, it will backfire – but it’s a fine balance. If you mirror her too well, you will seem shy, and the interaction could get awkward. You can be yourself, but a less animated version of yourself.
What to Talk About
It’s best to start the conversation about a boring, general topic that doesn’t require her to answer personal questions. If you’re at a party, ask her how she knows the host. At a club, talk about the music or how hot it is. Before the conversation gets too dry, find a common interest or tell a funny anecdote – for example, if you’re talking about music, tell her that whenever you put that kind of music on at home, your dog barks along to it. If you tell that story though, you better hope you end up at her place, because you don’t want her to get to yours and realize you don’t have a dog. Gradually step up the topics to more interesting and personal ones, so before she even notices, she’ll be having a fantastic time chatting to you.
Whatever you do, don’t mention that she doesn’t talk much. She already knows, and won’t appreciate hearing it.
Initiating Physical Contact
Touching is an important part of flirting – but if you start too early, she will want you to back out of her personal space. Wait until she seems comfortable with you, and make sure any touching is light at first. Try brushing against her arm or leg to test how she reacts. If she goes tense or doesn’t seem to do anything, slow down and proceed with caution. If she moves closer, you can figure out what to do next!
Hey, thanks for this great article. I have two questions:
1. About the conversation topic: is it always a good road to take when you don’t talk about neither yourself nor her, in terms of talking to any type of girl? Or is it only special for shy girls?
I have been practicing talking about the girls or people I talk to and sometimes the conversation gets really good and people actually appreciate my knowledge on their field, or it just goes downhill where it just goes awkward. So maybe when the conversation goes awkward I can think of those people as shy and shift to a more general topic?
2. Would it be accurate to consider every type of girl as shy girl? Or am I totally off?
Thank you!
Hi John,
While talking about a general topic works well enough on shy women and confident women alike, I would not recommend keeping to non-personal topics when talking to a confident woman. The reason for this is that most people love to talk about themselves (with the exception of those who are shy, of course), so you will be able to engage her more in conversation if she can talk about herself.
It sounds like you’re definitely onto something with sharing your knowledge on your conversation partner’s field- perhaps you should consider that on the occasions this results in awkwardness, maybe you’ve made a faux pas without knowing it. If it is their topic, then they would know more than you about it and it’s a possbility that it’s a simple case of you saying something wrong about it rather than them being shy. In this case, you could ask if they agree/disagree with you and why, which will keep the conversation going and keep them engaged since you are talking about a topic that interests them.
In reply to your second question, I disagree- there are so many extroverted women that could not be called shy by any stretch of the imagination. Everyone has their moments when they feel uncomfortable or insecure which can make them shy temporarily, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t generally a confident person.
Hope this advice helps.
Natasha