About the Author
I’ve always hated sitting on the sidelines. Maybe it’s all the energy drinks I consume or my self-diagnosed ADD, but waiting around in any situation gets me antsy.
Last Veteran’s Day weekend, I had the pleasure of going up north to the exciting city of Montreal where I wasted no time going H.A.M. (If you don’t know what that acronym means, download Jay-Z and Kanye West’s latest album NOW!)
Memories of that Friday’s adventures are hazy at best, but the Saturday I spent there was one of the best nights of my life. Fueled by a canned concoction of my favorite energy drink and hard liquor, I was amped as we entered the first nightclub of the evening.
As soon as we walked into the venue, my former roommate and I immediately started gaming a pair of vivacious blondes that quickly escalated to an hour and a half long make-out session right in the middle of the dance floor.
Get into the game
Although the majority of my attention was focused on my yellow-haired vixen, I couldn’t help but notice a few of our other companions planted squarely next to the bar. No dancing, no club cuties, just drinking a plethora of overpriced drinks while attempting to have a bro conversation over the blasting bass pulsating from the DJ’s table only a few feet away.
After parting ways with my bubbly blonde, I couldn’t help but walk over to my friends to inquire about their lackluster behavior. I knew what they were going to say already: “she’s not my type”, “I’m not good looking enough”, or any of the number of clichéd excuses that guys give for not approaching women. And, as was expected, my wallflower friends hounding the bar gave me the usual b.s.
Trying my best to coax them into going up to girls, I noticed that they were overanalyzing everything. “What do I say”, “What if her friends are bitchy”, blah blah blah.
My only advice to them: JUST APPROACH!
Whether you’ve studied every e-book under the son or someone who doesn’t even know what PUA stands for, the biggest detriment to every guys’ game is simply not approaching. If you are sitting on your ass at the bar, going through every little detail of what you’re going say, you’re wasting your time. The best way to learn any type of skill is to go out and just do it.
The more time you spend in your head sabotaging any shred of self-confidence lying dormant the weaker your game gets. You’re not only missing out on valuable experience but you’re also losing your sense of self as you build a faux mental persona as a player when you haven’t even approached a girl all night.
Now getting out of your head and jumping straight into the fray is a habit that can apply to more than just pick-up. If you want to be a professional mixed martial artist, a rock star guitarist, or even a master chef, the best first step is going head first. Mess around with ingredients, strum away at the strings, because not only are you getting your feet wet, but you will also craft a style that is unique.
Now obviously (I hope that it’s obvious) but the balls deep approach must be tempered with studying as well. You’ll never be able to craft a symphonic masterpiece unless you learn the basic chords first.
However, especially when it comes to something so natural as communicating with the opposite sex, going out into the unknown and trying things for the hell of it provides some of the best experience out there. Once you see where your game is presently at, then you can go and seek out advice to help sure things up.
So next time you find yourself sitting at the bar watching scantily clad females pass by, chug a Red Bull, turn your brain off, and get your ass into the game!
This is great. Thank you for writing this. How can I reach you to learn more?
Hey John thanks for the response. I can be found on Twitter @MattJuulMMA or via my Facebook fan page Matt Juul MMA.
Matt,
Yes, you have good basic advise but its too simplistic.
For a taller good looking guy this advise can work wonders I am sure but what if you are not? What if you approach like crazy and get rejected like crazy – like all the time from the chicks you are attracted too?
What does a guy do then besides spend thousands on PUA products?
Tom
Tom,
Thanks for the comment but you are muddling things up a bit.
This article isn’t about creating attraction or getting a girl home, it simply is about taking that first step, taking that leap of faith into the unknown and just approaching. An overweight balding guy, for example, can definitely use that advice. Maybe he gets the girl maybe he doesn’t, but the mere fact that he conquered his approach anxiety and started a conversation with a female is invaluable experience. Even if he gets rejected a thousand times, there will be at least a few successes sprinkled in, but he will learn more from failing.
Once you see where your weak points are that’s when you seek out advice – and it doesn’t require buying every PUA product under the sun. If a guy finds that he can attract girls naturally at the club but has problem talking to them in the day then his weak point is obvious and he can focus his studying on that. If can get a number but can’t close the deal, then his obvious focus should be on that portion of the game. There are thousands of great, free stuff out there (including this site) that provide fantastic amounts of information that are focused on certain areas. Try different methods out, find what works for you, and take the mindsets that are congruent with your style and internalize them to make approaches your own way.