» Emotions in Dating: Revisited

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Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.

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Becoming fluent in dating means learning to speak in emotions. It doesn’t matter if you’re staring at a cell phone screen or at a beautiful girl across a bar, if you want to capture her attention, you must captivate her emotions.

Use your feelings

Most of the problems you’re experiencing with women stem from this one concept. Often, guys delude themselves into thinking they’re getting somewhere with women by applying logic. Even if you’re executing dating advice—even good dating advice—if you think dating is a puzzle you need to solve, you’re not thinking of it in the right way. Dating is an emotional game—you must feel emotions and she must feel emotions.

This may sound as if I’m advocating you act gushy or flamboyant. When most guys hear they need to get women emotional, they think they need over-the-top behavior as if they were actors in a soap opera. This is completely wrong.

Getting women emotional is all about subtly. It’s getting her to smile, to laugh, to punch you on the arm and say, “You’re crazy!” It’s the outgrowth of flirting and teasing. Sparking a woman’s emotions is directly proportional to how much of your personality you let her see.

The antithesis of your emotion-eliciting personality is logic. By definition logic is objective and universal. My logic is different from your logic. It isn’t unique, subjective, or shocking. As such, logic will never inspire emotions.

Too often this is forgotten. The temptation to get logical is alluring. It often begins with the proclamation, “If she could only see…” or “If she only knew…”

Perhaps she would change her mind if she could only see what a successful guy you are. And maybe she would fall in love with you if she only knew how good you’d treat her. Yet, but it’ll never happen. It’ll never happen because you’re not saying, “If she could only feel…”

Indeed, getting a woman to “feel” something trumps every shred of logic. How often do girls end up falling for guys who are horrible for them, treat them shitty, or are just downright unsavory characters? From an outside perspective it may seem as if this happens because “Girls only go for jerks” or because “Assholes finish first and nice guys finish last.”

But that’s missing the forest for the trees. It isn’t the bad behavior that’s causing a woman to chose these losers—it’s her emotions. Like or not, the guy who she chose over you gets her to feel something you can’t.

It may be the way he looks at her, the way he talks to her, or just the way he can get to laugh. But rest assured, he didn’t outdo you with logic. It was emotions.

To unlock the very same emotions, unshackle your personality. Guys often make the fatal mistake of “holding back” their wit, humor, anecdotes, and commentaries around women. They often think their personality isn’t “enough” to attract really beautiful women, and so they search for answers outside themselves—often in the form of logic.

Don’t make this mistake ever again. It doesn’t matter if you’re sitting down to text a girl you met over the weekend or you’re sitting across from your dream girl on your first date, let your personality loose. Don’t be afraid to make that joke, tell that story, or give her your opinion on something. Be as transparent as possible.

Don’t, however, use this advice as an alibi to kiss a woman’s ass or deliver gushing soliloquys about how much you like her. In fact, doing so is a perfect example of “logic.” By telling a woman “how you feel,” you’re hoping that your proclamation will get her to feel the same way. Whenever you do one thing to get another thing, you’re succumbing to logic.

So if you’re telling her about your accomplishments or even how well you’d treat her, you’re falling victim to logic. Don’t do that.

Appeal to her emotions. Unlike logic, emotions are an end to themselves. When you act in alignment to your personality, you’re just “being you.” The side-benefit of that alignment is eliciting a woman’s emotions. And the side-benefit of eliciting those emotions is attraction.

Thus, as you go out into the world to apply the tenets of game, always remember that emotions are the language of dating. As you set forth on this journey to improve the quality of your dating life, you will certainly hear the siren song of logic tempting you to try and “prove” or “manipulate” your way into a woman’s affections. Resist the temptation. And, instead, tell her that story you know will get her doubled over in laughter.

>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.

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One Response to Emotions in Dating: Revisited

  • Anonymous says:

    I used to always think it was ‘showing’ a girl who I am, when it is really letting her ‘feel’ who I am — I used to think that scared them, and it did, because I didn’t follow up. But now I know to follow up — thanks Rob!

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