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Friend or Cock-Block: Your Best Friend Holding You Back

By on January 20, 2012

I didn’t want to write this article. The last thing I want to do is make some well-intentioned Internet readers suspicious of their friends. Really, if there was another article I could have written this week, I would have.

But I can’t.

Friend or foe?

Because it’s true: sometimes your closest friends are the problem. You’ve probably heard that statistic that says you can determine your average income by averaging the incomes of your four closet friends. Likewise, most groups of friends enjoy the same about success with women.

This works fine for those who aren’t looking to improve their success with women. But, what if, one day, one of those friends decides he wants more about of his dating life?

And so, that’s where the problems begin.

Passive Aggressive

While most guys outwardly celebrate their friends success with the opposite sex, what’s going on inside is another story. Often when one guy steps up and attracts a quality girl, his friends wonder, “Why didn’t she pick me? What does he have that I don’t?”

While words are never really spoken, often this jealousy manifests itself in passive aggressive ways. Surely you know all the cliché situations this creates: your “friend” accusing your girl of cheating, your “friend” making a pass on your girl behind your back, etc. In fact, the reason these situations are so “cliché” is because they’re so true.

At the very least, guys often feel threatened whenever a friend diverts his attention to a girl. Here’s where accusations of “bros before hos” factors in. Again, it’s all very cliché because it’s so frighteningly true.

Their Perspective

Now the purpose of this article isn’t to make you distrust your friends. Indeed, you can improve your dating success while maintaining your friendships. You just need to be aware that some jealousy and passive aggression will probably arise as you make strides toward improving yourself.

As hard as it may be, the best way to circumvent any friction with friends is by not talking about self-improvement. Now, let me be the first to say, I know this isn’t easy. If you’re motivated to improve your life, then you probably can’t stop thinking about it.

This “obsessive thought pattern” is good for improvement and bad for friendships. I know firsthand how easily people can misinterpret your excitement for bragging. While you may think you’re just telling your friends about what motivates you, to them, it’ll probably sound as if you’re bragging or implying that they’re losers.

It’s very important to remember that not every guy values improving his dating life like you or I do. One shortcoming of “the community” is that it’s not representative of the average male. For most guys, they see dating advice as a “waste of time” and would rather focus their attention on other things.

Don’t try to change their mind. Just imagine if, instead of writing this week’s column on dating, I wrote it on stamp collecting. You’d probably tune out after a few sentences, uninterested in a column on collecting stamps.

Likewise, your friends don’t care about your dating tips. Unless they’ve discovered dating advice on their own, don’t proselytize them—even if they really need it. (Trust me.)

Remember Why You’re Doing It

This article may seem harsh. Most guys believe they’re spreading “positivity” by turning others toward dating advice. I would know as that’s exactly what I did when I first got involved with all this stuff.

But here’s some tough love: you probably feel that way because a part of you wants validation from other people. If you really feel an urge to tell your friends about your dating success and get them interested in dating advice, you’re probably secretly looking for them to validate or approve of your decision to study this stuff.

If that offends you it’s because I’m right. So many of us act like we’re “only trying to help others” when in actuality we’re only trying to help ourselves. If you want improve YOUR dating success, then get selfish about it. ONLY share your dating adventures with yourself for AT LEAST one month.

After a month of selfish improvement, if you STILL feel the need to tell others, do so cautiously. At the very least keep this article in mind. Remember that whatever you say can and will be used against you—so choose your words wisely. Remember that even the slightest bit of excitement could be construed as overt bragging.

As I said, it pained me to write this article. I truly enjoy helping as many people as I can (hence why I became a dating instructor), but have also been burned many times for “unsolicited dating advice.” If people seek your counsel, by all means indulge them in your expertise. But don’t go knocking on doors that aren’t interested.

If you can remember that, you can date hot girls and keep your friends, too.

>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.

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About Rob J.

Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.

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