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Top Five Movies of Katherine Heigl
I know the old clichés are, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” and, “Familiarity breeds contempt,” but I think there is a way for them both to meet. In this case, they meet on a billboard near my house where for the past few weeks I’ve been treated to a 40-foot tall version of Katherine Heigl. From what I can remember off the top of my head, there’s really no reason to think of her at all in regards to movies, but there she is, everyday, looking down upon me. I’m not made of stone. I can’t help but weaken a bit under the gaze of those come hither brown eyes as she smiles and holds up a pair of handcuffs. I can’t help but think that I wouldn’t mind being imprisoned by her in front of a movie screen watching her do whatever it is that she’s going to do in “One for the Money.” I assume it has to do with money and that can’t be so bad right?
Well, it could be. I don’t know. Maybe I could find my fix of Katherine in the vast Netflix archives or on basic cable at night. I can just check out her films on IMDB and find a way to just get a hit of Katherine to get me through the night.
After looking through her list of movies, I quickly think that the multiplex would have better hopes of possibly scoring some good Katherine. I don’t think a list of movies from a half-drunk, mostly dead crack-head looking to make his first batch of Katherine in a film could have done worse. Well, except if you get lucky to get the one primo batch of Katherine. Read on to find out what it is, but even then, pay attention to the rest of the list, as you can’t live on one movie alone. You’ll have to figure out another fix eventually.
5. 100 Girls
I can’t imagine that this is a teen sex comedy that transcends the genre and makes it tolerable once you graduate junior high school, but at least it has some cute young starlets. Jaime Pressly, Larisa Oleynik and Emmanuelle Chriqui join Katherine to at least give you, well, it’s better than “Valentine.”
4. Under Siege 2
Yes, Katherine is only about 17 in this movie, so it’s stretching the fix to a whole different level of illegality (assuming in this convoluted analogy that Katherine=meth, underage Katherine=meth spiked with PCP if that is even possible.) But, it’s Under Siege, not on a boat but on a train. (Which is really just “Die Hard” not in an office building or airport.) Since we’re mentioning cooking meth, I feel I should definitely mention the presence of Jonathan Banks (Mike in “Breaking Bad”) in this film that is at least better than “Valentine.”
3. 27 Dresses
Katherine plays a girl that serves as a bridesmaid 27 times? Oh gosh, is this where my life has led me so that this movie is how I get my Katherine fix? Well, it’s better than “Valentine.”
2. The Ringer
Johnny Knoxville, now at least we’re getting somewhere, I mean he’s so funny doing all that crazy stuff with the “Jackass” guys. What? In this one he just pretends to be a contestant in the Special Olympics? Does he tape his balls to anything? At least it’s better than “Valentine.”
1. Knocked Up
After reviewing the rest of the movies that Katherine has made, unless “One for the Money” is the next coming of “Midnight Run,” I’m just going to this for my fix. That way I’ll never get addicted to her again once they take down the billboard on my street. But, until then, we’ll always have the time Katherine had sex with Seth Rogen.
Agree? Disagree? Which movies would make your Katherine Heigl top five?