» What to Say Next: The Post-Direct Moment

by Rob J. on January 31, 2012

Direct Disappointment

I know how you feel.

You’ve been studying how to be direct with women. You promised yourself that the next gorgeous girl you see, you’re going to tell her that she’s cute, adorable, sexy, whatever comes to mind …

Go get 'em

When the moment presents itself, and you see a drop-dead stunner, you muster up the balls to approach her. You plop that first foot forward and miraculously the other foot follows. Before you know it, you’re approaching the hottest girl you’ve ever seen …

You glide across the room … moving towards her …

… you’re going to reach her in three steps …

… two steps …

… one …

“I saw you and I just HAD to tell you…you’re absolutely gorgeous.” The words fire from your mouth and even you’re surprised at how confident and smooth you sound. The tension seems to hang in the air forever as you wait …

… and wait …

… and …

… she’s just looking at you. She doesn’t reject you. But she doesn’t accept you either. She just looks at you as if she’s saying, “Okay. I already knew that. Now what?”

And that’s when your head starts spinning. You start second-guessing yourself, second-guessing “going direct.” You feel uncomfortable and awkward. All that confidence and smoothness you exuded on the opener seems to drain from your body.

Even though you’re still standing in front of her, you know it’s over. Now you’re just waiting for her to make a polite excuse and dismiss you.

“Thanks,” she says coldly, and storms past you.

Gone.

Typical Situation

If this situation sounds familiar it means you had the balls to “go direct” on an attractive. Surely every guy who’s told a gorgeous girl how gorgeous she is has faced the predicament described above.

The reason this is such a “typical” situation is because most guys mistake “going direct” for “creating attraction.” Most guys believe that the direct line is what creates attraction in a woman—so all they need to do is spit some directness and suddenly the woman in front of them will melt in their arms.

Sorry but no. It doesn’t work like that. “Going direct” is simple a combination of words—no different from asking for an opinion, asking for the weather, or saying, “Hi.”

Hence, if you were expecting your direct line to do the heavy lifting of attraction for you, then you’re pipe dreamin’, dawg. The only advantage that “opening direct” has over opening in any other way is that it’s honest and masculine (unlike contradicting your masculinity with fake stories about your friend’s crazy ex-girlfriend).

Honesty and masculinity are a nice way to begin an interaction—but it’s only a beginning. Therefore, it’s important that you’re fully ready to show her more than an honest, manful approach. Which brings us to the eternal question:

The Follow Up

There is a very specific way to follow-up a direct opener: with humor and lightheartedness. This is so misunderstood and misapplied that guys often find themselves coming off creepy and weird rather than charming and awesome when going direct.

If you don’t immediately release the massive amount of tension you’ve created when hitting on a complete stranger, then you’re going to get dismissed every time.

Now, naturally this is easier said than done.

The amount of balls and courage it takes to directly tell a girl how attractive she is can be emotionally draining. It’s hard enough to put that first foot forward, let alone think of something witty or funny to say after going direct.

But it’s easier than you think. To start, all you need to do is smirk. Notice: you don’t smile. You don’t beam a toothy grin. You smirk: a smug little mouth shape of contentment.

Once you’re smirking, you can move things forward. Usually I try to focus in on something about the girl (likely the first thing I see). So, if a girl’s out with a big group, I’ll say, “What is this? Girl’s night out?” If she’s wearing a pair of hoop earnings, I’ll say, “Oh look at those earnings…rocking the bling I see!”

Obviously this isn’t comedy gold, but it gets the job done. These little statements let her relax, enjoy the interaction, and release the tension of my direct open. Of course, the tension is still boiling under the surface. But, I’m no longer coming off creepy or weird … I’m being awesome.

As with all my articles, I’m not here to tell you WHAT to say. My job is simply to differentiate attractive communication from friend zone or creepy communication. Going direct is an excellent way to “open” a girl…but it’s still just an opener.

Don’t close yourself out of a great interaction. Release the tension of the open by popping a quick lighthearted comment and you’re well on your way to attraction.

>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.

About the Author

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Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.

See All Posts by robjudge



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