» Must-Read: What Your Shoes Say

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Rick has never written a serious thing in his life, some of which can be found at ESPN the Magazine, McSweeney's, Radar Magazine, Deadspin, Flak Magazine and The Morning News. The rest can be found here. He lives in Los Angeles, is a White Sox fan, and maintains a personal blog.

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What's it mean?

We once had this female friend who, before even talking to a guy, or giving him a chance, or accepting a drink from them at the bar, she would slowly pan her head downward and look to see what the man was wearing on his feet. If it was some kind of fancy-ass shoe, or at the very least something that looked good, she would allow the man to continue talking to her and see where the night went. But if the shoe didn’t meet her approval — and we’d love to have an example here to draw from but, well, shoes are not exactly our forte — then that would be that. The conversation would be cut off, she’d turn back around, and whatever intentions our terribly-shoed wonder had would be vanquished before even started.

The shoe was the gate-keeper for her, and it’s actually not an uncommon marker that women use. The saying goes “the shoes make the man” for a reason, after all. But we don’t know the first thing about what shoes are cool, which ones are disgusting, and everything in between. (We tend to think of shoes as (a) something that is comfortable and (b) something that doesn’t make us look 12 years old. And that’s pretty much it.) So today we’re whisking you away to the fine folks over at Men’s Fitness where they go through the various things that your shoes mean about you. For example:

Lace-ups
Attitude: Grounded
This American classic can be trendy if you’re sporting the right pair, Julian says. Your move: Try Cole Haan’s LunarGrand wingtip for the LeBron-worthy Nike Air Technology paired with a dressier look. (www.ColeHaan.com; $250.00)

So head on over to the link and check out the various things that your shoes mean. Never again have a girl immediately glance down at your shoes and make a snap judgement before you’re even able to say anything. The secrets to the shoe culture await!

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