About the Author
Hey man, Dean here.
I used to be pretty much clueless with women. (I was the “nice harmless friend” who women liked to tell their problems to, but didn’t want to date…) The weird thing is, my friendship with a Hostage Negotiator turned EVERYTHING around for me, and I reveal the secrets in this brand-new video (which I might need to remove tomorrow, so watch it now).
Let me explain some of the parallels between being a Hostage Negotiator, and being regular guys like you and me, who are trying to get GOOD with women. For starters … here’s the tricky thing about being a Negotiator. Hostage takers are usually in “panic mode.”
They’re totally stressed out…
Just as a WOMAN’s stress levels naturally rise whenever a guy she doesn’t know tries to walk up and start talking to her. So in these situations, you’ve got to know how to REMOVE her stress and quickly BUILD A BOND. You’ve got to use the right words to put her at ease, and relax her.
You DON’T do it by asking her the same old boring-ass “job interview” questions that all the other guys ask her:
“So what’s your name?”
“Have you been here before?”
“What do you do for a living?”
Blah, blah…these questions get you nowhere.
My friend the Hostage Negotiator used to always talk about the importance of “controlling the flow.” In other words, YOU control the tempo of the conversation, and the topics. You hit “buttons” that make her want to open up to you, and share her thoughts and feelings. And you steer the conversation AWAY from the “danger areas” that will cause her to lose interest (90% of guys make the DEADLY MISTAKE of getting onto these topics when they talk to girls…).
At the same time, you weave simple techniques and tactics into the conversation, to “spike” her positive emotions and eliminate her resistance. So let me share a few common situations with you, and then give you the “Tactical” way to handle it:
* * * *
The Situation: You want to ask a girl out, but you’re not sure how she will react.
The Strategy: Hostage takers need to know they’ll be safe if they surrender peacefully. So the Negotiator will “Define The Outcome” to neutralize their fears.
He’ll say, “I just want to know, Bob, that if you come outside and talk to me, no one’s going to hurt you. You and me are just going to talk — that’s all.” So with women, you should also “Define The Outcome.” Otherwise, she might be wondering what will HAPPEN if she agrees to a date with you!
(Are you just trying to get in her pants? Are you going to bring her somewhere boring where she’ll feel uncomfortable? What exactly is going to happen if she goes out with you??)
Say to her: “I want to take you to this very cool bar/lounge I discovered… you’re going to love the music and the vibe at this place, it’s totally your style. I’m going there on Friday night, why don’t we roll over there together around nine… I can’t stay out too late, but we’ll hang out for a little while and have fun…”
You’ve defined the outcome. She knows the deal.
(Using these tactics, you’ll probably wind up spending the WHOLE NIGHT with her, but you’ve laid out the plan in a way that sounds totally cool and non-threatening. You’re making it EASY for her to say “yes.”)
* * * * *
The Situation: She keeps telling you about her ex-boyfriend, and it’s spoiling the mood.
The Strategy: Make her ex-boyfriend irrelevantand “strip away his power” by referring to him as “that guy”… and then switch the subject.
YOU: “You know Mandy, it sounds like THAT GUY really wasn’t on your level and so it’s a good thing you’ve moved on. I get the sense there’s a lot more to you than meets the eye…tell me more about your work, I think it’s really interesting that you’re a (INSERT HER JOB).”
Negotiators use this same tactic when referring to a “gun” or a “bomb”… they’ll never say “I need you to lower your gun,” because that ONE WORD will spike the hostage taker’s stress levels. Instead, they’ll say: “It’s just you and me talking, Bob, so you can relax and put THAT THING down…” (And then they’ll move the conversation onto a different subject to keep building the bond.)
Now, tomorrow in part 2 of this article I’m going to give you a couple more situations you can use this stuff. And I’m also going to show you some sneaky psychological tactics you can use.
In the meantime, watch this video where I reveal even more of the secrets I learned from my friend.
P.S. In my new video, I tell a very EMBARASSING story about how I screwed up with my ex-girlfriend… and I reveal (for the first time) a bunch of tactics that the Negotiator taught me… it’s weird, powerful stuff… just promise me you’ll use these tactics responsibly, ok? Don’t go breaking too many hearts (seriously, these tactics are THAT strong…) Here’s that link to the video (watch it now, because I’m getting a LOT of heat for this, and I might need to pull it down soon).