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You may have fond memories of your rough-and-tumble clothes, but if you’re still wearing them as an adult it’s time to say goodbye to them. Here are a few items in particular which nobody with an age in the double digits should touch.
Shorts covered in pockets are a great thing for kids to wear. But as an adult, you are no longer as cool as whatever toys and dirt you can fit into your numerous pockets. The only time you should be wearing utility shorts in when you actually need them, such as while hiking, in the wilderness, when there is nobody around to see your hideous pants. Utility pants should not be a part of your casual wardrobe if you care about how you look. Even worse are cargo pants which have a zip at the knee for conversion into shorts. The line across the knee is ugly, and by cutting across the middle of your legs it makes you look stumpy. The only way you could possibly make convertible utility pant-shorts worse is if they were in camouflage print- which unfortunately they often are.
Crocs are not even cute on children, and they’re completely inexcusable on an adult because (hopefully) your outfits aren’t at the mercy of the bad taste of your parents anymore. It doesn’t matter how comfortable they are, or how good they are for wearing to the beach, or how convenient they are for gardening. Swap them for a pair of sandals, and destroy the evidence of you ever owning a pair of crocs.
Funny slogan T-shirts
You don’t need to wear a mass produced slogan tee to proclaim how funny you are. Everybody has a sense of humor, you don’t need to advertise yours on your chest. Moreover, the slogans are often not that funny or in poor taste. If they are amusing, they tend to be a phrase that everyone’s heard before. A separate problem with slogan tops is that they are invariably a one-size-fits-all loose cut that doesn’t flatter anyone’s body. Slogan T-shirts are best left to cynical teenagers who have no other way of expressing themselves, and babies who have no say in what they wear.
Caps with a neck-covering are a practical choice for children running around outside. For an adult, they may still be practical but their ugliness far outweighs any benefit. You will look like you are a daggy dad borrowing your child’s hat. Why these hideous things are available in adult sizes is a mystery to me. If you’re going to spend a lot of time outdoors and if your neck is prone to sunburn, a Legionnaire’s cap may seem like a good choice. But a Legionnaire’s cap is never a good choice. I’d rather get sunburnt. Swap it for a regular cap and a generous amount of sunscreen.