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You’ve been dating for a while and want to make your relationship official. The only problem? She’s not so keen.
But aren’t women meant to like relationships?
Romantic movies would have you believe that all women want is a steady relationship while men don’t want to be tied down. But as you’ve found out, it can go the other way around. Don’t expect her to want to be with you.
Drop the topic
You can’t convince her to be with you. So what can you do to make things go your way? If she’s turned down the chance to be with you, the only way she might change her mind is if you bide your time. Repeatedly bringing it up with her will not help your case. Feelings cannot be reasoned with- you can’t coerce her into having them.
However, there is an exception if she wants to be with you, but there is an obstacle to you being together. You don’t need to convince her of her feelings, but you do need to convince her that the obstacle doesn’t have to stop a relationship from forming. Unless the obstacle is her having a boyfriend already- in that case, take her word for it that entering into a relationship with her is not a viable option.
You don’t need to stop dating
She doesn’t want a relationship right now, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop seeing each other. If you enjoy each other’s company, keep dating. She might need a longer period of seeing you before she decides she wants to give things a go with you, so it could even work in your favour to keep seeing her. Focus on having a good time with her and put thoughts of a future together out of your mind.
As you’re not exclusive, this gives you the chance to explore your other options. Keep a connection with this girl, but don’t shut yourself off to other women. If she decides to end things for your sake because she’s sure she doesn’t want to be with you ever, at least you will not be left with nothing. Besides, her jealousy at you seeing other women may kickstart her into realising that she does have feelings for you.
Don’t be needy
You may find it frustrating that you’re trying so hard not to be clingy, when it’s not what you want. You’re doing exactly what she wants. Even though it doesn’t feel like it, you are pushing for your own goal as well. You are far more likely to end up together with her if you don’t latch onto her against her will. For a woman who is iffy about commitment, your neediness will be not just a turn-off but also a deal-breaker.
Live your own life and don’t act like you need to be with her. Once the pressure is off her to commit to you, she might decide she wants to be in a relationship with you after all.