» 5 Things Guys Who Don’t Get Laid Say

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Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.

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Sometimes I can’t believe the words that come out of the mouths of dudes I hear talking. It’s almost as if these fools enjoy practicing involuntary celibacy based on the shit that spews from their oral cavity.

And to be quiet honest, whenever I went through a dry spell I too excreted such verbal diarrhea. No matter if you’re swimming in it or five-knuckle-shufflin’ it, you should pay attention to the list below. If you find any of these 5 phrases leaving your mouth, then you’ve been forewarned: you’re talking like a dude who doesn’t get laid.

5. “But she’s different!”

Man, have we all been guilty of this one! These are the famous last words of every guy whose penis disappeared into the friend-zone. As soon as you start thinking of a girl “differently,” you already lost. You are going to commit some (or all) of the following mistakes:

• Put her up on a pedestal
• Kiss her ass and act needy
• Neglect to use the “dating skills” you know to work on the “other” girls
• Put too much time/effort/attention into this girl and fail to have other girls in your orbit
• Annoy your friends by talking about this “special” girl too much

Just about every time I’ve either uttered those 3 words or heard someone else say them, it didn’t end in hot, passionate sex. In fact, it usually ended with them whining a few weeks later: “Man, I shouldn’t have treated her like she was so different…”

4. “That’s just not me.”

Nothing baffles me more than people who want to improve their lives yet don’t want to make any actual changes. If taking someone’s advice “just isn’t you” than maybe getting laid “just isn’t you” either, dude.

Sorry but what feels “right” just isn’t working out for you. Either try some “wrong” or enjoy “just being you” while staying at home and masturbating.

3. “I know it’s probably the wrong thing to do, but I just gotta follow my heart/gut/instincts.”

Newsflash: your heart/gut/instincts give really shitty dating advice. If you want to remain a virgin for the rest of your life, continue “listening” to your feelings rather than listening to strategy.

If you want to get laid, you have to learn to detach yourself from the outcome and think like a guy who gets laid. Lesson 1 in “Thinking like a Guy who Gets Laid” is to do what works, not what feels “good.”

Most guys would trade the instant gratification of getting a girl’s attention/validation rather than playing the “long game” and actually acting in a way that might lead to you sleeping with her. So go ahead and send her another text because it “felt right,” but don’t say we didn’t warn ya!

2. “I have high standards!”

Whenever a guy brags about how high his standards are, he might as well brag at how awesome he is at pulling his dick in the dark, alone, while crying into his pillow. Every guy I’ve ever met who gets laid doesn’t brag about his “standards.” This isn’t to say guys who get laid have no standards, however they certainly don’t need to articulate how high their standards are to make themselves sound cool or like someone who does get laid.

Instead, the old “high standards” brag is often a cop-out for taking action. It’s much easier to be the whiny critic who sits on the sidelines and points out a girl’s imperfections rather than the stud in the game making it happen with aforesaid “imperfect” babe. If you’re vocal about your high standards then you’re probably quiet about your most recent lay.

1. “Ha! A list about things guys who don’t get laid say? Pft! I don’t need to read that!”

The number one “I-don’t-get-laid” phrase comes from the guys who didn’t even bother to read this article. Often the guys who think they’re “too cool” to listen to dating advice or even try something different are the same guys who spend their Saturday nights sitting in front of an Xbox, chowing down on Hot Pockets, and not plugging their weiners into any vaginas.

However, I’m obviously not talking to you since you DID read this article! Therefore, heed the other 4 “warning sign” phrases and avoid uttering any of them if you want to be a guy who DOES get laid. Until next week, watch your mouth!

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3 Responses to 5 Things Guys Who Don’t Get Laid Say

  • Thom says:

    Rob’s back! I love it! This list kicks major butt

  • Demarcus says:

    Rob I want to hear your input of this. A friend of mine is 20 years old and he is a virgin. The thing is his lives with his parents they are Jamaican immigrants and they do not allow him to go out. My friends dad is very strict and wants him to focus in school only. The thing it is killing his social life. Whenever the crew hangs out he is never there and we feel kind of bad for him because he is wasting his college years without experiencing the women out there. He hates but he does a good job of not losing his mind. but the problem is he wants to get laid but has no social life. Thing is his parents have him on lockdown and I was wondering what can I tell him? Do I tell him to approach girls in school because that is all he goes to? Do I tell him to rebel? If you was him Rob what would you do if you have strict,old fashioned parents who will not allow him to have asocial life? It is so bad they do not allow him to have a job! Thanks for taking the time to read this Rob.

  • somebody says:

    you’re a bully

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