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Save Yourself: How to Not Be a Loser with Women

By on January 28, 2013

The other I received a desperate Facebook message from a guy (let’s call him “Roger”) who just broke up with his girlfriend. He peppered me with a frantic string of questions: “Can I get her back? What should I do? How do I keep my sanity?!?!” Before I could even answer, Roger was already blasting me with more, “Did you get my last message? I need HELP man!”

I replied, “Process for what to do next: 1. Leave house, 2. Talk to new girls, 3. Forget old girl.” Finding my brevity offensive, Roger cursed me out, accused me of giving “idiotic advice,” and stormed off into the ether of the internet.

If Roger thought my brevity was offensive, then he’s going to hate what I’m going to write next. Because what I’m going to write is the truth as I know it. The truth of Roger’s life as a finger-pointing crybaby who is forever waiting for someone else to come along and save him. Save him from ever having to exert himself, put the effort in, and take the risk.

To be blunt: Roger was, is, and will always be a loser.

My definition of a loser isn’t so much someone who “loses.” By that definition some of the most successful people I know are huge losers. But huge loses and missteps are not the benchmark of losers.

Instead, being a loser is refusing to take responsibility for yourself. If you’re whining on the internet about how badly you “NEED” help, what does that say about your self-reliance? You’re not entitled to ANYTHING in this life other than what you fend for yourself. The sooner you realize that the sooner you’ll stop being a loser.

Rather than begging others to “save” you, see other people for what they are: your sign posts. Websites like TSB and people who offer advice can help, but it’s up to YOU (and only you) to maximize that help. All anyone else can ever do is show you the way. It’s up to you to walk the path.

I supposed I’m somewhat jaded…having been a paid columnist/coach for 4 years and an “unofficial” advice giver for much longer. I’ve seen so many guys come and go, and the pattern is always the same. Those who take personal responsibility “get it” and those who forever whine, bitch, and moan don’t. Like life, it’s simple but unfair.

In a way, so much of my advice is an outcry against the whiny victim…the guy who thinks I’m going to reveal some secret password that will solve all his women woes. The guy who still doesn’t want to accept that the hard way IS the easy way.

It’s funny because right after my conversation with “Roger” I posted this status on my Facebook page: “Life as a dude is pretty fucking simple: learn how to hook up with women, learn to generate wealth, keep yourself in shape, dress well, travel, live in a classy abode, and most importantly enjoy yourself and let yourself be happy. FUCKING. SIMPLE.”

As it usually happens with Facebook, a flurry of comments followed. Notably a debate ensued as to whether my status was really “simple.” Unfortunately those who misread my status mistook simple as a synonym for easy. While the life plan I outlined is simple, I never said it was easy.

It may take a lifetime to accomplish the “objectives” I’ve listed, yet the process isn’t complicated. If you do the work, put in the reps, and take responsibility for yourself, you can check off everything listed. If you want to stamp your feet, demand someone else do it for you, and bask in your laziness, then it’s going to be very complicated and very difficult.

So ask yourself: how much fucking responsibility are YOU taking for yourself? If that question makes you squirm or you feel a deep-seeded guilt about not going “hard as a motherfucker” (as the rappers say), then this article is your slap in the face. WAKE UP! Just like Roger needed to wake up.

No one is going to do it for you.

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About Rob J.

Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.

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