Is She Pretending To Be A Virgin?

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Given the liberality of sexual mores nowadays, you would think a girl’s virginal status (or non-virginal status as the case may be) a non-issue. Oddly enough, however, some girls actually fake being a virgin.

There arose in the 1990s an abstinence-only or virginity movement in the United States. It was part of the influx of right-wing religious propaganda into mainstream society. Thankfully, the movement never got anywhere. However, the idea was ripped from its original social and religious moorings and is now in the realm of the post-modern.

In this mode, all a girl has to do is pretend to be a virgin. The practice is loosely associated with vague notions about body autonomy and the ability to control and define one’s identity. In one sense, I am sympathetic to it. The concept of virginity, as we now have it, is Medieval in origin. It is not so much about the physical act of breaking the hymen as it about the symbolic purity of the “untouched” woman. For the sisterhood to rise up in revolt against a male-defined concept of their sexuality is understandable.

If a girl has a first-time sexual experience that was completely unsatisfactory or that led to a relationship that was awful or abusive, I think it’s perfectly fine for her to discount the event and continue to identify herself as a virgin—as someone who has not really had sex. But a line must be drawn. It is ridiculous, in my view, for a girl who has had more cock in her than a public urinal to go around saying she’s still a virgin.

In addition to the honorable motives mentioned above for re-virginization, there is the desire to indulge fantasy. Some girls have gotten it into their heads that pretending to be a virgin is a turn-on to guys. They think they will get more male attention if they live out an elaborate game in which they play the innocent girl seduced and ravished by the domineering rake. I suppose there is something to do this. Its effectiveness would depend on the look of the girl.

So how can you tell if she is pretending to be a virgin?

There is no sure fire way of doing so. The presence or absence of a hymen is no proof of virginity. Some girls bleed; others don’t. Indeed, it is actually possible for a girl to have sex and still retain her hymen. I once deflowered a girl who had had previous sexual partners. There was no proof of it on the bedsheets and she only found out herself after a post-coital run to the bathroom.

The best way to tell if she is faking her virginity is to remain alert for inconsistencies in her behavior. Do not fool yourself into thinking you can learn anything by the way she dresses. A virgin can dress as provocatively as the most shameless slut. This fact came home to a friend of mine who was dating an actual twenty-something year old virgin. Her penchant for wearing short skirts that barely covered her ass cheeks and high heels drove him to near madness.

Awkwardness is the thing to watch for. Among the many myths about virgins, the one about their awkwardness in discussing sex or hearing discussion of the subject is the only one that bears truth. Real virgins tend to fidget, cast down their eyes, and remain silent in a shy way when anything related to sexual intercourse comes up. The action is instinctive and is therefore hard to fake. If the girl you’re dating has suggested she’s a virgin and yet seems perfectly at ease talking about sex, she is probably faking it.


About Christopher Reid

Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.

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