“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” – Wayne W. Dyer
How the hell was he getting away with it?
He was about 5’9, 40 pounds overweight, and had an unkempt, long black beard that looked like it would be a comfortable home for a family of lice.
She was 5’11, blonde, skinny, and wearing a bright green dress that perfectly molded itself to all of her curves.
When he first approached her, she barely even gave him a chance. She turned her hips away, and proceeded to give him a barrage of one word answers to all of his questions. Yet he persisted.
And slowly but surely, the conversation started to change. Subtly at first. Her one-word answers turned into longer replies. Her hips turned slowly back towards him.
And then things changed drastically. She started inching closer and closer to him. Touching his shoulder. Laughing at his every joke.
The roles had changed. It was now her who was doing most of the flirting.
If you had actually been listening to the conversation, like I had, this change of events would seem even more shocking. Some of the stuff this man was saying was cringeworthy. I was sure she was about to slap him in the face.
He said stuff like:
“Oh, do you treat all hot guys like this?”
“You’re not gonna win me over with THAT attitude. Do better.”
“Oh my gosh! Wrong answer. I thought we were perfect for each other, but now you have some serious work to do, missy.”
And he didn’t just say this stuff. You could tell he believed it. He was the prize. She was merely a suitor.
Sure, he was the one who approached her. He was the one who started aggressively asking her questions. From the outside looking in, he was the pursuer.
But to him… and eventually to her… she was the one desperately trying to win him over. She had brought into his “frame” of reality.
And at the end of the night, she did indeed win him over. She walked off her trophy, pushed him into the cab, and probably didn’t waste much time ripping off his clothes when they got home.
That man’s name was Greg. He would soon come to be one of my best friends. And watching his “frame” with women every night, was an eye-opening experience.
What is a “frame” exactly?
And why is it such a damn important concept, when it comes to success with women?
A frame is a lens, or “window” in which you view an interaction, relationship, or the world.
Right now we’re going to focus on mostly “interaction” level frames, because “relationship” and “worldview” level frames are very similar to the “beliefs” we talked about earlier.
In particular, we’re going to focus on the “interaction frame” that SHE is trying to win you over.
Have you ever noticed that the stronger someone’s conviction in something, the quicker people buy into their way of thinking?
Some cult-leaders, and religious elite have built followings of thousands of people on strong conviction alone.
Frames work in much the same way. Think of an interaction’s “frame” as a mini, situational belief. You want to be steadfast in your frame. And your goal is to get her to buy into your frame. To believe it as much as you do.
For example, she might think “a gentleman is supposed to buy me drinks and shower me with compliments.” Or, on a higher level, that “If a man wants me, he has to win ME over.”
Her thoughts, actions, and words will reflect that frame. As she tests you. Asks you for an expensive drink. As her every action reeks of “what do YOU have to offer ME, sir?”
And if you buy into the frame that you have to win her over, then that’s exactly what the rest of your interaction will look like. You trying to “impress” her.
But what if you had a different strategy? What if you went in the interaction with the OPPOSITE frame? The frame of “She’s trying to win ME over.”
And furthermore, what if you believed this to be true with absolute conviction.
How do you think women would react to you differently?
Well, I’ll tell you how.
Most of the time, she’ll think, “Wow. Who IS this guy?”
She’ll think, “Why is he such a challenge?”
And deep down, she will start seeking your approval.
Her behaviors will change. Subtly at first. She’ll start talking more. She’ll care more about how you react to what she says. And she’ll want you to like her.
The need to be liked… and for that matter, the need to be LOVED… is one of the strongest human desires. And when you have the frame of “she is trying to win me over,” you bring out that desire in her.
But right now, you may not believe that women are trying to win you over. Maybe a woman has never tried to pursue you in your life.
How am I supposed to magically start thinking women are trying to win me over, you ask?
Well, that’s not what I’m asking you to do.
Look, I have an entire system for controlling the frame like a man with rockstar confidence… and you’ll want to check that out in this presentation. [YOUR AFF LINK HERE]
But in the meantime, here’s one simple trick to appear like you have rockstar confidence:
Look for evidence that a woman is trying to win you over. And to interpret… hell, MISINTERPRET that evidence, to be construed as HER chasing after you.
To show you what I mean, let’s get into a few examples:
A woman talks about a certain park she’s been wanting to visit for so long.
If you’re a normal guy, without the “win me over” frame, you’ll probably say something like, “Oh that’s cool! I’ve heard great things about that park! Maybe we can go sometime!”
But that’s not what a guy who embraces the “win me over” frame will do.
A wide grin will spread over his face, and he’ll say something like…
“Trying to get me out on a park date already? I see you, sneaky little girl. You’ll have to sell me on it better than that, before you lock me down for whatever picnic shenanigans you’re trying to get me into.”
Or maybe a girl starts bragging about her job, and how she just got a high paying promotion.
A normal guy may say, “Oh that’s awesome! Congratulations! I bet you’re so excited!”
And there’s nothing wrong with that, per se.
But a man who embraces the “win me over” frame may say something like this to a girl who is bragging too much
“You know what Sarah, I think you’re cool regardless of how much money you make! You don’t have to try to impress me, you know.”
Again, anything like this must be said with a big ol’ grin hanging off your face. You do NOT want to insult her here. Maintain your playful, easygoing vibe.
Now, what I want you to do is to start looking for evidence… even if it’s FALSE evidence… that women are trying to “win you over”.
And if you don’t want to do all that work… check out this free tutorial for a confidence “shortcut” that makes her see you as a man she should chase:
Until next time…