“Watch how you communicate with a woman. Because you’re always communicating, even when you’re not talking – with your body language, your facial expressions, your eyes.”
– Orlando Bloom
80% of communication is non-verbal.
And studies have shown that in every culture around the world, women are significantly better at reading body language than men, because of her female hormone estrogen.
Women are better at figuring out what the your tone of voice means, reading your face, your posture, and your gestures.
But here’s the good news:
If you have below average body language… and if you’re not getting the types of girls you want, then I’m willing to bet you do… then that’s an easily correctable problem. Because your body language is a habit.
Up to this point, we’ve covered the “inner game” of confidence. The beliefs. The frames. The mindsets.
Working on your beliefs, frames, and mindsets will help you have better body language. But you can also make tremendous strides improving your body language without any of that.
You can, dare I say, “fake it til’ you make it”.
And here’s the even better news:
It goes both ways. Just like developing better “inner” confidence helps your body language… developing better body language helps your “inner” confidence.
For example, two researchers from the University of Kansas proved that when you smile, you actually feel happier. Even if it’s a “fake” smile. The process of moving your mouth’s muscle to form a smile has a “reverse” effect on the mind, making it more happy.
And when you improve your posture, researchers at Harvard and Columbia have proven that it shifts your mindset.
When you assume what they call “power poses” of confident stance and tall, uplifted posture, your decision-making is subconsciously affected.
As you stand up a little bit taller, pull your shoulders back, your brain actually gets a signal that it is now the confident, powerful version of yourself that is in charge of your thinking.
And because that confident part of your brain is “turned on”, you make decisions more confidently.
In the presentation above, I’m going to teach you the quickest way to “hack” your confidence.
But for those of you who aren’t interested in that, here are some body language basics that should help any guy….
1) Have Good Posture
Stand up tall, and bring your shoulders back. Your shoulders should be relaxed. Your head should be held high. And you should be able to make a straight line from your ears to your shoulders to your hips.
2) Non-Reactive Body Language
If you observed a group of amateurs talking to women at a bar, one thing would probably stick out to you about their body language: they are very reactive to everything she says and does.
Instead of being calm, centered, and having their own presence, their movements are highly dependent on a girl’s actions. Out of nervousness, they appear overeager, and move far too much. They may even unconsciously twitch or fidget, when they get anxious or nervous.
The more “reactive” you are to her, the more nervous you look to her. And the more nervous you look to her, the less attracted to you she is. You can take a positive approach to fixing this problem, by working on our next body language essential…
3) No Wasted Movements
Your movements should be conscious. You should move at 50% of the speed you are probably used to moving. Don’t lose control of your hands, head, or legs as you talk. Your nervous habits and tics will want to take over, but you must fight it.
Every movement and every gesture you make should also be smooth, and relaxed. If you touch her, do so gently. Don’t force it. Don’t look at your hand.
When you speak, but don’t let your hands take on a life of their own. Don’t move your fingers as you make hand gestures.
Your movements should be slow, relaxed, and smooth.
4) Look Straight Into Her Eyes
They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul.
90% of men don’t make enough eye contact. If you’re reading this, I can almost guarantee you that you’re not making enough eye contact with women.
Look at her straight in the eyes. You should be gazing into her eyes during about 60-80% of your conversation.
5) Don’t Be A Leaner
Instead of eagerly leaning in when you talk to a girl, like most men do, tempt her to lean in towards you.
Mirror her body language, and as she starts to chase you, lean back, creating a “chasing” dynamic.
With practice, you’ll know exactly how to “bait” a girl into leaning into you, and chasing you.
6) Project Your Voice
You should speak loudly, and powerfully.
Speak from your diaphragm, not your throat.
Just like you’re almost certainly not making enough eye contact, you are almost certainly not projecting vocally enough.
Make a real effort to speak louder than you are now.
Keep talking louder, until someone tells you, “keep it down dude…”. That’s when you’ll know you’ve gone a bit too far.
7) Limit “Umms”, “Likes”, And Other “Filler Words”
Just as body language should be smooth, so should your words.
Eliminate any unnecessary words from your everyday speech. It takes away from you confidence, and makes you seem uncertain to women.
One great place to practice, is while ordering food.
I used to go to Chipotle everyday. And one day I noticed that without fail, I said “uhhhhh” before every item that I requested.
“Uhhh I’ll have steak. Uhhh black beans. Uhhh no cheese. Uhhh mild sauce. Uhhhh guacamole.”
I had been doing this for YEARS without even noticing!!
So, whenever I ordered food from then on out, I made a commitment: “No More Filler Words!!”
At first, I caught myself saying “uhhhh” over and over again. But each week, it got easier, until “filler words” were almost completely eliminated.
In conclusion, notice how there are a lot of “DONT’S” in this article?
Don’t lean in… Don’t move too much… Don’t be reactive.
Well here’s what TO DO:
Because when you simple DO this one little thing, you automatically get rid of all of the above bad habits… without any of the extra work.
Try it! You won’t regret it 🙂