The Diary of Dumb Things I Did In College: The Wet Bandits Heist (Part III)
(Read Part II here) We bolted through the lobby and out the front door. Juggy Fats was running shirtless (yet still masked) the entire time. I’m still amazed no one stopped us as the suspicious silhouettes of a wiry distance runner and an obese clown...
The Diary of Dumb Things I Did In College: The Wet Bandits Heist (Part II)
(Read Part I here) Juggy Fats made a curious beeline for the bushes. He called me over in a hushed, scoundrel-esque tone. “Check this out,” he smirked, pulling two small pieces of paper from his pocket. “Fake fucking tattoos, man. Now we’re real...
The Diary of Dumb Things I Did In College: The Wet Bandits Heist (Part I)
To this day, the dean’s file on us may have some variation of the following. The night began with bad intentions and a case of Busch light. Since September, we’d made a Tuesday night tradition of getting completely bombed in our freshman dorm room....
10 Reasons College is The Greatest Place on Earth
I have been out of college now for over 5 years… and not a day goes by that at least one fond memory doesn’t pop into my mind and bring a tear to my eyes. Quite frankly, God designed Heaven… and he called it “College.” If you’re...
The Cure for Colligate Loneliness: Take the Lack out of Lackey
This post goes out to a special group of college students. This is for the collegiate kids who deal with more shit than your grandfather’s Depends. For the class who, year after year, keep getting pissed on (voluntarily). Yup, that’s right freshmen...
Long Distance Relationship Woes? Try “The Agreement”
If this article was a TV sitcom and I said “Hey guys! Long distance relationships work!” an explosion of canned laughter would erupt. Like kids with ADD, long distance relationships are destined to fail. The long distance truism is obvious every year...
NCAA: National Consumption of Awesome Alcohol
Colleges around the country are suiting up for the most physically demanding sports season of the year. No, it’s not your pussy intramural softball championship; it’s the “back-to-school” drinking marathon teeing off at a frat house near you....
Portrait of the Liberal Artist as a Young Man
I graduated from a small liberal arts college in upstate New York. After a few years in the scary real world, it has come to my attention that many people don’t really understand what goes on at small liberal arts colleges (i.e. community college students,...
The Five Stages of the College Breakup
Breaking up with someone is sort of like putting a pet to sleep, in that everyone finds it funny but you. Back in college, I remember after a break up, one of my “bros” watched me spiral into misery and he made a rather insightful comment...
Graduate’s Guide to Re-visiting Your Alma Mater
I know many readers of this site are in college, saw the title of this article, and exclaimed, “I don’t need a guide, I’m never leaving college. NEVER!” Listen up Peter Pan, I want to begin by crushing your dreams of being that husky, balding...
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